**Hey everyone! For some reason, all of my stories have been deleted!! I don't know what's going on, but I'm going to post them all back on.** One-shot. Edward refelecting on his life with Bella so far. R&R Please! iluvedwardcullen xx
1. Chapter 1
Rating 4.5/5 Word Count 1383 Review this Chapter
As Bella slept beside me in the big double bed, I sighed. In all my one hundred years, I had never, ever been as happy as I was whenever I was with her. As I watched my angel sleep, my thoughts drifted.
I thought about the day I met her. How much we had both changed since that day! Bella was no longer the shy, quiet girl who hid herself from everyone. I was no longer the blood-thirsty monster who had seriously thought about murdering a classroom full of innocent people. Bella had looked so shocked when our eyes met; she must have wondered what she had done to deserve such hatred from me. But thankfully, I had managed to beat the monster. Over the next few weeks, I started to talk to her. She started to come out of her shell. I fell in love.
I thought about the day she found out I was a vampire. I had expected her to run, screaming. To want nothing to with me. But then she told me that she didn’t care. She didn’t care I was a monster. That I wanted to drink her blood. She wanted me for me. Bella had looked at me so piercingly; I knew that she was telling the truth. When I told her old I was, she didn’t even look phased. ‘This girl is tough’, I thought. I didn’t know then exactly how tough she actually was.
I thought about the day I took her to the meadow. How long it took to actually reach the meadow because of her slow and stumbling pace. The fact that I had not even cared. How amazed she had been when she saw me in the sunlight. How good her warm hand felt as it ran up and down my arm, holding my hand. How scared she had been when I ran from her. How easily she had forgiven me. How I had kissed her. How it had felt like I was flying, how I had felt…whole. Bella completed me, and l knew then just exactly how much I loved her.
I thought about how I had felt when Bella told me she loved me for the first time. I was amazed. Amazed that someone as beautiful, as pure, as innocent as Bella, could possibly feel that way about a monster. It made me feel warm, something I hadn’t experienced for about a century. I swear that if my heart could beat, it would have been going a mile a minute.
I thought about the day that we found her in the dance hall, after James had bitten her. I would never forget how broken she looked, lying on the floor, blood everywhere. I was sure I wouldn’t be able to contain the monster, but I did. For her. I cried tearlessly, my body aching. I couldn’t lose Bella. I couldn’t. She was my entire life. When Carlisle told me what to do, I couldn’t. But then my angel opened her eyes. She looked at me, pleading with me. Something happened. I knew what I had to do. And I did it. I saved my precious Bella. I swore nothing would ever happen to her again.
But it did.
I thought about Bella’s eighteenth birthday. What should have been a happy day turned into a day that would change our lives forever. My darling, clumsy Bella cut herself. Jasper wasn’t prepared. He lunged, trying to reach her, to rip her throat, to taste her blood. The look of terror on her face when she realised what was happening shook me. I got her out of there as fast as I could. That night, I couldn’t believe the situations I had put her in, this girl that I supposedly loved. How could I love and still be with her?
I thought about the day I chose to leave her. I couldn’t believe how easily she believed the lie. I had convinced myself I would have to lie through my teeth to make her believe that I didn’t love her anymore. But my Bella believed me straight away. She looked so hurt, so vulnerable, but I kept going. I could almost see my words tearing her apart. I told myself what I was doing was for the best. When I left her in the forest, I hated myself, I hated that I had let this happen in the first place.
I thought about the empty time. The time when I was struggling to live through the hours. Her beautiful face was constantly on my mind. My Bella. I had left for her benefit, but I wondered if I was doing her any good. If she felt half as bad – no, a tenth as bad – as I did, then I was causing her too much pain. I contemplated returning. I didn’t even care if I had to grovel for the next hundred years. Anything to be by her side, with her again. No, I told myself. She would be happy without me. She needed a clean break. I couldn’t just come charging back in, expecting her to be there, waiting, with open arms. No.
I thought about the day Bella had saved me in Volterra. How I had thought I was dead when she came barraging through the crowd of people, attempting to stop me. Then I realised. We weren’t dead; we were in grave danger. I thought about how warm she had felt against my body. How she had been absolutely terrified, shaking, crying. How she had completely broken down when we were in the waiting room. All I could do was hold her, comforting her.
I thought about the day we had talked. I was shocked at how skinny Bella looked. She was as pale as me, and had large purple shadows under her eyes. It pained me to think I had done this to her. But what shocked me most of all was that she forgave me. She still loved me; after all I had done to her, all I had put her through. I thought about the vote. How could they all vote to change her? All except Rosalie, but her reasons were even worse than wanting to change Bella. I was so angry. But my Bella is stubborn, and I knew she wouldn’t rest until she got her way.
I thought about the day I asked Bella to marry me. She said yes. I thought about the way I felt when I saw my mother’s ring on her finger; I was beaming from the inside out. Bella could tell. She always seems to know how I am feeling. She looked beautiful in the moonlight. I couldn’t believe she was mine. Even though she refused to wear the ring permanently, I knew that she still loved me. She was just nervous about what everyone would think. That’s my Bella for you. Always putting others before herself.
I thought about the day of the fight with Victoria and the newborns. How after I had finished Victoria, Bella had just stood there, watching me in shock. I thought she was going to hate me. But then she ran at me, tears falling down her face, and I knew it was all right. She knew she was safe in my arms, and I was never letting go again.
I thought about our wedding day. She had looked so beautiful, walking up the aisle, a faint blush on her cheeks. We had said our vows in the meadow, with our families watching. I felt so proud to be her husband. I didn’t think I deserved her. She looked at me with so much love in her eyes, and whispered in my ear, ‘I love you, Edward. For my entire existence’.
As I lay there, thinking, watching my angel sleep, I realised none of the bad things mattered. None of them. From Jasper to the Volturi. From me leaving her to the problems I had caused in her other relationships. She didn’t care. And I realised that I didn’t care, either. Bella was here with me, she was my wife, and she loved me. At that moment I felt completely uxorious.
Uxorious (adjective): excessively or foolishly fond of one’s wife.