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everything begins to lose it luster and bronze.

Summary:
edward. oneshot during new moon.


Notes:


1. Chapter 1

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 975   Review this Chapter

I looked through the balcony window and sighed. The view of the Eiffel Tower was indeed spectacular, but when you have no one to share it with it, it just seems drab.

I missed Bella even more painfully when I felt this loneliness.

I ran my finger down the bedspread on the hotel bed, caressing the soft warm feeling, imagining it to be Bella’s skin, but it did not compare. Nothing compared to her.

I’ve been seeking refuge here in Paris for a few months now, working at a café down from Au Manoir Saint Germain, the hotel I was staying. The café was internationally known, Café de Flore, as the birthplace for existentialism and it suited me perfectly, so I thought.

I worked there every day, shielding myself from the sun. Women came in, looking for me, flirting heavily when I asked them what they would want. Those type of women made me shudder and laugh inside, they were ridiculous if they ever thought I, Edward Cullen, would love them. I was unable to love anyone, anything, other than my beautiful angel.

My Bella.

I thought that leaving her would be a better option, a better lifestyle for both us. I hid all of her memories of me, trying to help her to forget that I ever existed, that I made her fall in love with a monster.

There was no way in hell I would damn her to what I am, she was too good, too special to lose her soul, her vibrant soul.

But truth be told, I miss her terribly.

Sometimes I catch myself finding Bella in other women, horrible as it sounds, and I, involuntarily, catch their attention, luring them blindingly to me. Up close, they don’t resemble her and I run faster, leaving them wondering.

Just like I did to Bella.

I was slowly driving myself toward my inevitable insanity, killing myself with every stabbing thought of Bella and our relationship. Her long, mahogany hair, her warm brown eyes, her smile, her alluring scent.

“Stop, Edward,” I whispered, now clutching my fist on the glass window. I ran my fist down the balcony window, opening the latch on the handle.

The one thing that remains with me is Bella’s promise. She promised she wouldn’t do anything reckless, extracting herself from any trouble. I smiled thinking about her accident-prone incidents.

I also remember her face in the woods. The face that showed sadness, disbelief, and heartache. That face haunts me through the night, leaving me feeling worthless and angry at myself.

I’m standing in the balcony, overlooking La Place de L’Etoile and scoff. “How did Bella believe me when I said I didn’t love her?” I whispered, the idea of me ceasing to love, to want, Bella, was incredulous, yet she believed every single word I muttered to her that day.

Upon leaving her, I left my family. My sadness and grief was too much for them, I didn’t want to keep hurting people, therefore I left. Just like Bella, I left everyone I loved.

Below me, I saw a man and a woman, walking down the streets, holding each other’s hands, taking pictures and every once in a while, kissing. I felt a pang of jealousy, knowing that I will never have that opportunity to do that.

I wanted to bring Bella to Paris, take in her face as she saw the wonders that France offers.

I would’ve made love to her in the hotel that night, regardless of who, or what, we both were.

I needed to see Bella.

I needed to see Bella.

I don’t care if I simply have to watch her sleep, I just need to see Bella one more time, to see how she’s coping without me, just so I could feel at peace.

I began to pack my belongings into my suitcase when my phone rang. I haven’t used that phone in along time and it surprised me.

I flipped it open.

“Hello?” I said, glumly.

“Nice to hear you sound so happy, Edward.”

“What do you want, Rosalie?” I growled, I didn’t need any unnecessary interruptions.

“Well, Edward, Alice left.”

“Thank you for informing me. I must go.”

“No, Edward, listen. Alice went back to Forks.”

I dropped the shirt I was holding and sat on the bed. I could fell the anger oulsing throughout my body.

“I told her to not interfere with Bella’s life! Why did she do it? I’m going to call her righ--,”

“Edward! Let me finish. Alice had a vision that, uh, um.”

“What, Rosalie? What did she see?” I gritted through my teeth.

“She saw Bella diving off a cliff, trying to kill herself. She didn’t see Bella being rescued, she said her vision went blank,” she whispered, though a hint of gratitude was present in her voice.

I pulled my hair, “Goodbye, Rose.” I hung up and dialed the number that I still knew.

The phone rang twice before it was answered.

“Swan Residence,” I heard a husky voice say. I remained silent, trying to find out who this voice may belong to.

I cough and, in my flawless Carlisle voice, say, "Hello, this is Dr. Cullen. May I please speak to Charlie Swan?”

“He’s not here,” the voice says, angrily.

I held my breath, “Where exactly is he at then?”

The voice hesitates before answering, “He’s at the funeral.”

I let out the breath I was holding in before hanging up.

Alice was right, Rosalie was right.

And Bella was dead.

Because of me.

All because of my selfish intentions.

I left my suitcase behind, didn’t even bother to check out, and ran to the airport, getting on the first plane to Italy.

I looked out the airplane window, “I’m so sorry, my love.” And remained silent on the way there.

I truly was a monster.

Yes, indeed.