Old Existence

I sighed into the dark interior of my car. I was driving to where we had fought. The last place she had breathed, and lived, and laughed. When she beat Emmett she laughed. I remembered that entire day clearly.

After the battle, we couldn't tell the difference of her ripped apart limbs and the other newborns and dead enemies. It made me livid that we couldn't treat Lizzie to the burial she deserved, but it also made me happy. A burial would have been to hard for any of us, especially Esme.

The silence of the darkness was eerie, and I shifted in my seat. I had to figure out where I was going, after the battlefield, or Alice would tell Edward and he would worry.

"See your mom," A voice whispered in my ear and I jerked my head around. A spark of green and gold flashed out of the corner of my eyes and my lip trembled. "Stop it," I hissed to myself. I was hoping so much. I was familiar with this feeling. When Edward had left me, his voice had been so REAL. There had been times when I had wanted to see him too.

A small tug at my lungs made me remember the pain of remembering. This time it seemed different though. It urged me to remember. I delved into my memories, relishing when Lizzie would grab my hands, and we would disappear so she could tell me how Jake was doing.

I smiled, for the first time since her death. I was right. Getting away would help me deal with this. I could do this. I turned the radio on, and one of my favorite songs filtered through the speakers. The song was just beginning, and the low piano notes trickled through the air.

( The Last Goodnight - Pictures of you http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGmdoOP7E24&NR=1 )

I stared into the dark trees as I neared the end of the paved road. I pulled onto the shoulder and parked, listening to the song with my head tilted back, staring at the dark gray ceiling of my car.

This is the clock upon the wall

This is the story of us all

This is the first sound of a newborn child,

Before he starts to crawl

This is the war that's never won

This is a soldier and his gun

This is the mother waiting by the phone,

Praying for her son

Pictures of you, pictures of me

Hung upon your wall for the world to see

Pictures of you, pictures of me

Remind us all of what we used to be

There is a drug that cures it all

Blocked by the governmental wall

We are the scientists inside the lab,

Just waiting for the call

This earthquake weather has got me shaking inside

I'm high up and dry

Pictures of you, pictures of me

Hung upon your wall for the world to see

Pictures of you, pictures of me

Remind us all of what we used to be

Confess to me, every secret moment

Every stolen promise you believed

Confess to me, all that lies between us

All that lies between you and me

We are the boxers in the ring

We are the bells that never sing

There is a title we can't win no matter

How hard we might swing

Pictures of you, pictures of me

Hung upon your wall for the world to see

Pictures of you, pictures of me

Remind us all of what could have been.

Pictures of you, pictures of me

Hung upon your wall for the world to see

Pictures of you, pictures of me

Remind us all of what could have been.

could have been

Pictures of you, pictures of me

Remind us all of what could have been.

could have been

I turned the car off suddenly, and jerked the key out, panting. How could I be happy? How could I sing along to a song? I could've been dead. Why am I wasting Lizzie's reason for dying? Because I don't deserve it. I shook my head and stepped out of the car, disgusted of myself.

Before going to our battle grounds, I ran as hard and fast as I could, until I was on a windy cliff, looking out high over the ocean. I breathed in deeply as the crisp air swirled around me, and someone whisper "Be happy." I didn't let it phase me. It was nice hearing her voice, as long as I didn't hope.

"Not yet," I replied to the ocean. The waves crashed at the cliff.