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Old Existence

FOURTH IN THE FATE'S COURSE SERIES. How are we supposed to go back to living as if she had never touched our hearts, and our lives? oldexistancebannersmall.tiff

Surprisingly, I actually have a plot planned out. Weird! I understand every song is Linkin Park... I'm OBSESSED! <3 LP

4. Chapter 4

Rating 4/5   Word Count 820   Review this Chapter

(A/N Linkin Park (of course) --- In Pieces http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Md4cz7i3Ij8&NR=1 )

I walked slowly all the way to the battle field, prolonging the moment of acceptance. I was expecting her to be there, waiting for me. The darkness was nice, numbing and cooling my face, and emotions.

The soft vibrate of my phone disrupted the stillness, and I flipped it open gently. "Hello, Alice."

"Bella?" she sounded obviously surprised that I answered.

"I'm the number you dialed, Alice," I replied calmly, though desperately wishing I could be left alone to heal.

"You're the future who disappeared, Bella," she replied and I regretted my snub.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I'm just trying to be alone and it's hard when I haven't been gone for more than a day. I'm fine." It was true enough, but she could tell I wasn't emotionally.

"I know, Bella. Take your time, but we all miss you." She was gentler this time.

"Bye, Alice."

"Hope to see you soon."

I flipped the phone closed and stored it back in my pants pocket, before stepping forward again.

The what I expected was cool air, blew my hair up into the air, tugging at my scalp as I tried to savor the winds. I couldn't. Not yet.

I broke through the thick wall of trees Lizzie had arranged, brushing my cool palm along the rough bark that came off in my hands.

I walked to the center of the clearing, where the ashes lay scattered. I dropped to my knees, ignoring the light and thin puff of it rise up and fill my hair with powder. "I'm so truly sorry," I whispered, brushing my fingertips along the surface of the pleasantly light and soft sign of death.

"Almost like her hair," I murmured, recalling the way her hair floated as if it were lighter than air, and shone with the purest and most beautiful color I had seen. It was what love looked like, after all. It had to be beautiful.

As the I picked up a handful, I let it flow through my fingers like strands of silk. It was beautiful. It also horrified me that her ashes were mixed with Jane's.

A branch creaked, and I waited for him to join me. A minute later, a musky scent was strong in my nostrils as Collin sat next to me. He stared at me, then followed my blank gaze to where I was staring at nothing, staring also as if there was some intensely important point of interest.

"I gave her her powers." My head jerked towards him, but he kept his blank gaze locked on the invisible target ahead. "I'm sorry. It was selfish and it would have killed Jacob if she had just disappeared and Jane had gotten you."

I turned forward again, slowly shaking my head. "I'm sorry, I was the one who needed saving in the first place."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a tear streak down the ash that paled his russet cheek.

I reached out, and dragged him closer beside me, both my arms wrapped around him on my right side as he cried tears. It made me jealous.

"Just because I didn't imprint, doesn't mean my love means nothing," he choked. "Jacob is the only one who understands."

I pressed my face against his huge arm and closed my eyes.

If someone had stumbled upon us that day they might have thought we were some couple, enjoying the huge meadow like Edward and I enjoyed our meadow, but that would be far from the point. We sat there together, until it started to rain. At first, the individual drops landed on the ash and stirred up little puffs, but soon drops covered the powder and wetted it down.

"You have to go," I realized, and he looked at me.

"I should, but I don't have to," but even as he said it, he stood up, not bothering to dust off his ashy shorts. "Maybe I'll see you here again."

I stared at him sadly. He wasn't going to let go. That was obvious."I'm not coming back here Collin. Never again."

"Why?" he looked shocked.

"I want to remember her life itself, not the end of it." I stood up too.

"Maybe one day, you can tell me. But right now, this is all I have, and it's enough." He looked down at the ashes and blew a kiss. "Sleep well, Lizzie. You can finally sleep again." He started to cry again, and turned away, walking into the forest.

Or shared grief had overcome the bloodthirstiness and mutual hate that had been bred into our species to allow us to mourn together. Love can do powerful things. Or maybe it was just Lizzie.

"Till next time, Collin."

I stared up into the inky sky that was growing darker as the sun set. How far away was next time?