Bella's constant worrying over Jake drove Edward to take himself away from her, leaving her so she could be with Jake. What tragedies will befall her? Is Edward still be waiting in the wings for Bella?
Thanks to Nightrose,the best beta ever!!!
1. Chapter 1
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To be happy, without being happy...
I was walking hand-in-hand with my very own personal sun, Jacob. It was Valentine's Day, and we were going to First Beach for a picnic. This was my second Valentine's Day with Jake- my first not in crippling agony.
Yes, the hole was still there, but being with Jacob had healed it a bit. It wasn't pouring blood anymore; it was reduced to a trickle. It was if a thick skin had grown over it, stifling the pain. There were times when I did think of...him, but I really tried not to. I still couldn't say or even think his name.
I originally chose Edward, and I still love him, but Jake was healthier for me. After Jake left, I was miserable, worrying constantly about him. I didn't see what I was doing to Edward, but I realize that I must have caused him undue pain. Eventually he left. He left me a note. It was so much like my own to him back when James was tracking me that it hurt- remembering the days when we'd been perfectly happy. It read:
I can see how you are hurting
because of Jacob Black's departure.
You should have chosen him instead.
It's unbearable to see you in this kind of
pain, and I cannot allow you to continue
to be in agony.
He is much better for you.
He is more human then I will ever be.
This solution isn't simple for me to come to,
but goodbye is the only way.
I'll be waiting in the wings for you,
I was still in contact with Alice; she was the only contact I had with the Cullen family. She wasn't mad at me for what I did, for forcing Edward away. She had her own way of looking of things. She did have a better view of the outcome of this whole catastrophe then anyone else. She knew that it would eventually work out, one way or another. I never really asked her about that, but I was always tempted to. Just as I was about to, I would remember Jake and think, 'what will happen to him that would make me go back to Ed-him? Do I really want to know?' and then I would try to forget about it.
It was the dusk of the day. (I could never think of it as twilight, it would rip up part of the hole in my chest that seemed to have healed a bit.) The sun had just set. We looked at the sky, and the water it reflected. Streaks of red, orange and yellow splashed across the sky. The sea turned the colors duller, without the brightness that there was in the sky.
So very much like my life. Before, I was full of life, full of love. There was no hurt or pain, just love-the sky. Now, there was love and life, just not much of it. And there was pain...lots of pain. Everything was just a dull reflection of what it used to be. The water.
Jacob's hot hand felt wonderful against my own cold one. Maybe, just maybe, my life could be as good as it could ever be without him. Not like it was with...him, but still good. Little did I know that it would turn upside down very, very soon.
Sooner than I ever wanted...