A Change in Monsters
When Bella comes back from Renee's after Edward leaves in New Moon, she has trouble coping. Will she ever find love again? Sam/Bella
NO EMILY! Just so you know! She's not in this story, never will be...
20. The Jump
Rating 5/5 Word Count 1709 Review this Chapter
Bella’s Point of View:
I grasped Sam’s hand tighter as we neared Charlie’s house. My breath was getting shallower and my heart rate was increasing unhealthily. I felt like I was choking on my own spit. (A/N- Eww) It was starting to feel like a bad idea to go and tell Charlie. I mean, Charlie didn’t have to know, did he? I’m sure he would be fine if Sam and I just showed up on the door step one day with a baby girl or boy and told Charlie to meet his grandchild. No harm in that, right?
I exhaled sharply, staring straight ahead, and shaking slightly. No, Charlie would hate me even more if I did that. He would be disappointed mostly, though. He would want me to go and talk to him, wouldn’t he? He would want me to tell him that his first grandchild was on the way, correct?
“Bella,” Sam started, taking one of his hands off the steering wheel and thrusting it into mine. “Everything is going to be just fine; you just have to let it all play out, okay? I’m sure Charlie will be happy that we came to him with our…situation.”
“I hope you are right,” I mumbled murderously as he pulled softly into the driveway. And, then, I became aware of my senses again. My mouth had gone dry, so what was I choking on now, my tongue? (A/N- Okay, Double Eww) My heart rate had stopped and then started in double time, my breath was coming and going really, really quickly, and my eyes could not seem to stay focused on one thing for too long; I would have to switch my eyes even before a second was up.
“Bella,” Sam practically growled as we stopped in front of the front door. He took hold of my shoulders firmly and shook me slightly. “You are really making a bigger deal out of this than you should.”
“Are you telling me that you are not nervous?” I asked incredulously.
“Of course I am,” he answered. “That does not mean that I am going to show that though. I’m going to try to keep it in and hope that I look confident enough. That’s what you should do as well. It will mask that what we need to tell him is urgent. You only have about two and a half months till the baby is due, anyway.”
“I know,” I sighed. “I know. It’s just hard to tell my father that I’m going to have a ba—”
“Bella!” Charlie said joyfully as he threw open the door.
“Oh,” I said, blushing a deep crimson color. “You are back. Sam and I were just coming to talk to you.”
“Oh?” he asked, thankfully not seeming to understand that anything was wrong. Even though guilt was practically radiating off of me.
“Yes, Mr. Swan,” Sam said like a perfect gentlemen.
“Charlie,” Charlie reminded him. Sam nodded and Charlie let us pass him into the house. Sam took hold of my hand once again, and led me through the door, past Charlie, and to the family room to the only chair in there. He dragged me onto his lap, and I had the decency to blush brightly.
I could tell Charlie was trying to ignore our seating arrangements as he took a seat on the couch. He picked up the remote and hit the mute button so the basketball game he was watching would be silent.
“So…” Charlie began awkwardly.
“So…” I mimicked.
“Bells and I have to tell you something, Charlie. As, of course, you have noticed,” Sam said, his voice lower than usual.
Charlie nodded and grinned broadly. If only he knew what we were about to tell him. That grin would not be plastered there on his fatherly face. I could picture exactly how he would look. His eyebrows would be curved in slight confusion as his mouth would be twisted down in a frown. It would be a look of utter disappointment. A look I had not seen since I was nine; a look I had to hope to never see again.
“Yeah…” I dragged out after a moment’s silence. “So…” I looked up at Sam and his hand began rubbing circles into my back.
“We have some good news,” Sam said bravely. He smiled down at me and then turned back to face Charlie.
Charlie’s smile was wiped fro his face as he thought about what Sam had just said. “You two are not…engaged, are you?” Charlie asked tentatively.
“N-No,” I stuttered out. I heard Charlie give a relaxing sigh and his posture slouched a tad bit. I tried to take that in, so that when Charlie was kicking me out, I would remember something relaxing about him instead of the anger he was about to have.
“No, Charlie,” Sam started. “We are not engaged. We are something else. Well, Bella is something else.”
Charlie’s eyebrows knit down in confusion. I felt Sam’s elbow nudge my side prodding me to tell Charlie.
So, I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and said, in the clearest voice I could, “Dad, I am going to have a…baby.” I did not open my eyes, just waited for the yelling that was going to come….
…It did not come. The screaming and telling me to pack all my belongings and leave never came, so I opened one eye slowly. Charlie was still sitting there, but now he had a blank expression on his face. Sam’s hand had paused on my back in mid-swirl.
“Dad?” I asked while Sam said, “Mr. Swan?”
Charlie snapped out of his daze and blinked a few times. Then, he stood up and brought himself up to his full height. He actually looked scary. But then I saw his eyes. They were full of concern with a hint of…
“Dad?” I repeated standing up and taking a step toward him. I looked at him long and hard and then, I threw my arms around his waist. “Daddy,” I muttered into his chest, “I am so so so sorry!”
That’s when I started crying.
Well, bawling is more like it.
It took Charlie a second to comprehend what had happened, and when he realized that I had wrapped my arms around him, he drew his arms around me too and started rubbing circles into my back like Sam had been doing.
“Bells,” Charlie whispered, and I could tell that he was crying too. “Bella, sweetie, why did you not tell me before? How long have you known? Did you think that I would not love you if you were pregnant? Because if that is what you though, you shouldn’t. Your mom and I were around your age when she got pregnant with you. I mean, yes, we were out of high school, but only one year older than you.”
I did not reply. Nay, I could not reply. The tears and sobs were making it too difficult.
“Bella,” Charlie began again. “When something like this happens, you must come to me. I will not get mad. Can you trust me on that?” I nodded into his chest, and then I felt Sam’s arms surround both of us and I smiled.
“All right,” the nurse said. “The gel will be a little cold. But only for a second.” I was getting an ultrasound. Sam and Charlie had not come to this one, because I had finally convinced them that I did not need them by me twenty-four/seven.
“Do you want to look?” the nurse asked before she placed the contraption on my stomach. I shook my head signaling a no. I did not want to know if it was a boy or a girl. I was too far along now, that I would notice what gender it was.
“Oh, dear,” I heard the nurse murmur. “Could you just stay here for a few minutes?”
I nodded, not knowing what was going on. After a couple of minutes, I heard the door open, and my eyes flew open. Dr. Fredrick and the nurse were standing in front of the monitor that showed my baby.
“Hmm,” Dr. Fredrick said as he rubbed his chin. “Move the camera over her stomach again please, Sally.” She did. I was getting worried. What was going on? What was wrong? Obviously not something good, because Sally had called the doctor in. She had never done that at any of our other visits here.
“All right, Sally,” Dr. Fredrick said. “You can leave now.” She nodded and left quickly, shutting the door quietly behind her. Doctor Fredrick sat down in the doctor chair and rolled it up to the side of the cot I was in.
“Isabella?” he said, and there was a slight tremor in his voice.
“Bella,” I correct sitting up slowly. “Is there something wrong, Doctor Fredrick?”
“Bella,” he started. “Bella, we have some bad news. Your baby did not make it. You had a miscarriage.” Miscarriage? I repeated the word in my head over and over again. I knew what that was, but I never thought that anyone would be telling me that I had one.
“So,” he said again. “We would like to have permission to remove the baby now, if you are ready?” I nodded slowly. Not really understanding what was going on.
“Do you want us to call anybody? The father? Your father?” I shook my head quickly. No, no, of course I did not want them here.
When they let me go the next morning, I looked at my phone and saw that Sam had called. He did not leave a message though, so I guess it was not that important. He was probably just checking in. And, I’m guessing that Charlie was just thinking I was at Sam’s.
I hopped into my truck, and drove into La Push, but did not head to Sam’s house. Instead, I headed over to the cliffs. I had been thinking hard after I had woken up from my surgery. I knew what I wanted/had to do.
I leaned over the side of the cliff and watched the raging rapids and the sharp rocks that jutted out every so often. I tried to ignore that fact, as I took a step back.
I closed my eyes, and sucked in air through my mouth.
Then, I took another step backward.
I counted to five to see if anyone would show up and notice me here.
… and jumped off the edge of the cliff.
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- 26 May 08
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