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The Outcast

Summary:
Edward Cullen, your average self-obsessed playboy, who picked up girls faster than you can say his name. Bella Sparrow, an outcast, whose life was plagued by the memories of her past, and the people of her past. All human. R&R


Notes:


4. Memories

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1829   Review this Chapter

"Morning Waits" by As I Lay Dying was playing. It was helping me from thinking, helping me to block anything in my mind. The shattering double-bass drums gave me no chance of hearing my thoughts. The sheer amount of bass was making the entire car vibrate as I sped down the highway. I felt it reverberating through my chest, it was as if the whole in my chest was being filled. My wounds were being healed. I was in heaven, I was in my element. I loved this so much. I began screaming with the lyrics.

All along it was me who changed.
Morning now waits for me.
All along it was me.
What I have to gain does
not matter if what I give
is all to you.
If what I give is all to you.
I have seen the stars fall
And the sun rise again,
But You are yet to change.
You are all that is worth living for.

I couldn't even hear myself, even though I was screaming as loud as I could possibly manage. The song quietened signalling the end. I slowed the car gradually like the song and then came to a halt with the brakes screeching in protest. I had to think, it was inevitable, I could prolong it no more. I couldn't keep running like this. Where would I go? "Far away from those eyes," I muttered to myself.

I closed my eyes, the past began to flood my mind.

Flashback

"Get away from me!" I screamed at the stranger. He had followed me from the party I had just been to. I always went to parties, no one knew me, I didn't know them. It was just a way to enjoy myself. Getting pissed out of my mind made me feel so much better, it made me forget. That night was no different, I was pissed, alone, like I always was, and vunerable.

"Now why would I want to do that?" the stranger whispered. My legs began to shake in fear as I saw the knife he had just pulled from his pocket. I couldn't run, I couldn't move, my muscles would not respond. He started to advance, I had no weapon, I had nothing to protect myself with, fucking great. It's funny how I can laugh at myself when I'm about to die.

He held the stainless steel to my throat and grabbed my arms. He slammed his mouth onto mine, I didn't respond, I only waited. I was waiting for him to either let me go, which didn't seem likely or to slit my throat. I didn't care at that point, I welcomed death like an old friend. But I had never had an old friend, neither did death welcome me. He let go of my arms placing them round my waist, meaning the knife was no longer on my throat. I thought at that moment that I had to get away from him right then and there, without the threat of the knife on my oesophagus.

"Help!" I shrieked, attempting escape. I tried to kick and punch him, but his grasp did not loosen. "He-," I tried to scream again. Anyone help! Please! H e shoved his hand over my mouth and again placed the knife at my throat.

"Just do it," I said angrily. Tears began to roll down my cheeks. "Look at me!" I said after I got no response from him, the stranger then looked into my eyes for the first time. His eyes were beautiful, even near death, I couldn't help but notice their sheer beauty. His iris's were lined with a deep myrtle green which lightened into a dark jade and then to emerald.

"Kill me! Just do it! Just slit my throat! I don't care anymore!" I screamed at him. His eyes were filled with bewilderment and confusement, mine were filled with a new oncoming wave of fresh tears.

"Come on!" I shouted. There seemed to be some hint of compassion in his eyes, a sense of humanity.

"Don't try that fucking reverse pyschology crap on me," I grabbed his hand holding the knife and pushed onto my neck.

"Does this look like reverse pychology to you?" I said. He hesitated for a moment, everything stayed at the same speed but the adrenaline in my body had heightened my senses and I could react faster, I could see things more quickly. Having control of the knife, I slashed it across his neck, causing him to look at me in his final moment before he fell to the ground. I saw his eyes go blank, I saw the ending of his life, just in his eyes. I didn't know how long I stood there looking at his body before I ran away. It could of been hours or seconds, time seemed irrelavent.

I had just taken a life, I had just watched a person die right in front of me, I had just stood there and watched his blood rush down his neck. I had just witnessed his eyes just freezing and going blank.

End of Flashback.

I sat in my car, just staring at nothing, just losing my sight in reality. I wiped the tears from my eyes and turned on the car's engine. I made my way back to the high school, which took me a while, I never realised I drove that far. On the way back, I had a smoke, keeping it out of the window in case Charlie smelt it. I looked at the radio clock, I had managed to miss the rest of lunch and the first twenty minutes of 5th period. I parked my car in the same spot and turned the engine off taking a deep breath. As I looked for my schedule I realised that I had left my bag in the cafeteria. I made my way over to the cafeteria, flinging my cigarette butt, hoping that the Cullens hadn't taken my bag to the office. Then I would have to explain where I went, which was something I'd rather not discuss with judgemental, gasping receptionists.

Yes! They had left my bag under the table. I took out my schedule and saw that I should be having Biology with Mr. Banner. Excuse, excuse, I need an excuse. I felt sick, no, I had a stomach ache, yes, it was that time of the month, even though it wasn't. I opened the door and headed for the teacher's desk with the form that needed to be signed by all of my teachers. The room was silent, I hated being the centre of attention, stop fucking looking at me I wanted to scream!

"It's nice of you to join us, um, Miss Sparrow, do you have a late pass?" Mr. Banner asked as he looked and signed the form.

"No, I don't but I had a really bad stomach ache, you know female things," I said. His eyes widened as I said this.

"Oh right, of course, please, cough, please take a s-seat," he stuttered, I wanted to laugh at him, whenever I used the "female things" card, they had no power and could do nothing, but with female teachers you didn't need to say "female things" anyway. Men eh?

I searched the room for an empty seat, with glares following me everywhere. Unfortunately the only empty seat happened to be next to Cullen. Why does everything shitty happen to me? I mean what are the chances of me being in the same class as Edward and the only empty seat was next to him aswell. Is someone out to get me or something?

I took my seat next to Edward, who was giving me some funny looks. I didn't look at him though, I didn't want another emotional breakdown. Mmmm breakdowns, don't you just love them? (A/N as in music breakdowns not emotional ones)

"Are you okay?" Edward asked. To my absolute pleasure Mr. Banner heard him.

"Mr. Cullen, please don't talk in my class or you will be sent to the principal's office," he said. Wow, I think I have a new favourite teacher. Unfortunately, Edward wasn't giving up and started to write something on a piece of paper. He handed me the note, hmmm, should I just rip it up? Maybe I should just give it to Mr. Banner. No I'm not that horrible. I was filled with curiosity and decided to read it.

Are you okay? What happened? Should I write back? Well I had nothing better to do. Mr. Banner's mouth was moving but I heard nothing.

I'm fine, I just remembered I had to take some pills that I left at Charlie's house I passed him the note and watched his face as he read it. He looked confused and slightly sad. What the hell was wrong with him?

Look I know something is up, please, I can help you I laughed as I read it.

So you're helping people now? And why would the Forks High playboy do that?

I can help you, can you just talk to me about it?

I'll tell you if you tell me something.

Deal. What is it?

How could you do that to her?

I'm sorry who?

Angela

Oh right, her

You are such a bastard. Do you even know much you hurt her?

Well no, but we weren't going anywhere anyway.

Exactly He didn't reply for a while after that, he looked hurt and I wanted to rub it in.

You've never had your heart broken have you? I watched as he held his pen above the note, he didn't put anything for a long time. In the end he only put no.

Well I have and it's like someone ripping your fucking heart out and then setting fire to what's left

The class finally ended and I rushed to my next class which was Gym. I hated Gym, it was all about eye co-ordination, which I didn't have. I could run though, something you needed to know if you're someone like me.

Being the first day, the coach told me I didn't have to play basketball. How glad I was. Another misfortune from Biology had carried on to Gym, yes Edward Cullen was in my Gym class. What was up with the stupid bastard? I was shocked to see that his expression looked so sad, it was as if his dog had just died. I never knew playboys had emotion. Maybe he was different. I doubt it.

I listened to my I-pod and doodled on my notepad with a black pen. I didn't realise until the end of the class that I had drawn a large eye across my page. I screwed it up and through it on the floor on my way out, not caring where it went.

I made my home glad that my first day at Forks High had ended.