Bella finds herself awake late one night thinking about...Edward. This story takes place during New Moon.
1. Midnight Memories
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It all seems like a blurry dream
But I was there
Wide awake, I lived it all
Come back to me
I’m longing for you
And my dreams to be true
Where the fields bloom bright
I see him…
I awoke suddenly and completely in the middle of the night.
The reason for this I did not know; for once, my sleep had been free of the usual nightmares, at least up until now. But now that I had awoken, I knew it would be impossible to fall back asleep. Because the moment my eyes had opened, the pain had begun to burn. It was a familiar pain, but that did not make it hurt any less; the hole that had ripped through the center of me seared with it.
I sat up in bed quickly, kicking the covers off and wrapping my arms around myself for the umpteenth time. Then I drew my knees up to my chest and rested by head on them, dark strands of hair falling across my face, closing my eyes as my head began to throb.
It was hard to get any sleep when you were in agony.
I took a slow, shuddering gasp, desperate for air; however, it was difficult to breath, because there was a giant hole where my lungs were supposed to be. And it was Edward who had left that hole. I squeezed my eyes shut hard against the dull ache that was slowly eating away at my heart.
Time passed. As it had. As it would. As it always did. But Edward (I flinched as the name entered my mind) had been wrong. Time had not made things any better; it had not eased the pain nor healed the wounds that He had left, when He left. The image of him, his beautiful scent, the sound of his laughter and his crooked half-smile and his smoldering eyes – all these things were burned into my memory, into my soul. And time could not erase those things.
I sat there in the darkness, hugging myself, and my thoughts moved from Him (for I could not bear to think his name) to Jacob. Yes, there were brief periods of sunshine interrupting this dark storm; but when Jacob was gone and I was alone, the darkness returned along with the pain. I shivered. I was cold in the house. But it was not His coldness. Not the cool, icy reassurance of Him.
A fresh wave of memories hit me – followed, of course, by a tsunami of pain. The tears would come, that was inevitable; but still, I blinked and did my best to hold them back as the salty water flooded into my tired eyes. They cascaded down my cheeks like a waterfall as the memories overwhelmed me, flashing before my very eyes like a lifetime: rolling among the bright flowers in our meadow, standing together in the forest and twisting my hands through his bronze hair as his icy lips crushed against mine, being overwhelmed by the sweet scent of him, the feel of his hand in mine, the unearthly and beautiful lullaby he had played for me on the piano…
But that was over now. He did not need me. He did not want me.
“I don’t want you to come with me, Bella.”
My arms, still wrapped around me, tightened compulsively. The gaping hole inside me burned in agony; if it grew any larger it would surely tear me in two.
I shook my head, sending my mahagony locks flying in the darkness. It was no use; the sky outside my window was tinged with grey at the horizon, and I would never get to sleep now. It was going to be one of those rare mornings when I didn’t wake up screaming.
No, I would not wake up screaming this morning. Only weeping.