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Jasper and the Goose

Summary:
Well, it's pretty obvious. Jasper is out hunting when he encounters... surprise, surprise, a goose.


Notes:
Yeah, well... Looney requested it, and I can't be bothered with the rest of my stories at the moment. They bore me desperately, but I've promised to finish them. This is an idea I've had for a while... just ask Looney! (speaking of whom, you should totally read her new story - eight days. It's fabulous, if a little... unfinished ISN'T THAT RIGHT LOONEY?!?!? See ya at the bottom! You will have the final vote in this! When you get to the bottom, pretty please leave me a little review saying who you think should... Well, I'll finish that thought at the bottom...


2. II ~ Rescue Version 1, Part 1

Rating 0/5   Word Count 616   Review this Chapter

So there we were, three fearsome Vampires and a perverted teenage boy, sitting in a tree, surrounded by geese. Terrifying, evil geese… Aaaahhh!!! GEESE!!!

“Well done Genius.” Edward rolled his eyes. “No duh, they’re geese.”

“Ha, Genius Jasper, that’s funny!” Emmet chortled nervously.

“Hey, Edward, how come you suddenly sound like a typical teenage boy instead of the centenarian Vampire you truly are?” Edward shrugged.

“That’s the beauty of fan fiction. It gives perverted teenage girls the opportunity to do with us whatsoever their sick, twisted little minds desire.”

“Wait… Vampire… fan fiction… PERVERTED TEENAGE GIRLS?!?!?!? WHERE?!?!” Mike seemed very excited. Suddenly, a tall brunette appeared from nowhere, flung herself at the base of the tree and screamed:

“MIKE! I LOVE YOU! I WAS JUST TOO ASHAMED TO ADMIT IT UNTIL NOW!” Mike looked quite pleased with himself. The girl stood up brushed herself off and said, quite calmly;

“Sooo… Why are you up the tree anyway?”

“We got scared by some geese.” Emmet sobbed. “They had sharp beaks, and they stole Mr. Teddikins! No Mr. Teddikins, don’t leave me! NO!” He curled up into a ball, which was rather difficult considering the fact he was still in the tree, and began to rock forwards and backwards.

“No, Mike my love, say it’s not true, you aren’t afraid of geese are you?”

“Umm… yeah, I'm afraid so. But why is that a problem?” He looked really confused.

“Because…” The girl, who’s name shall remain unknown, *cough, Becca, cough* paused dramatically for dramatic effect, before continuing: “Because, I am… A were-goose!” Upon making this comment, she turned into one of those dreaded creatures, before flying off into the rising moon.

“Okay…” Said Emmet “Now that was weird.”

‘I completely agree’ I thought at Edward, too worn out from the hyperactive girl’s emotions to speak aloud. It reminded me remarkably of that one time… but I won’t go into that now.

To get back on track; we were all in the tree, Emmet seemingly dozing off, thought that was impossible as he hadn’t slept in eighty-odd years, and was hardly likely to start now, Edward drooling slightly, probably thinking of Bella.

I winced as a wave of lust flooded over me. Yup, defiantly thinking of Bella. Or possibly that other girl, from that other fan fiction, but as this was neither the time nor place and Helen/Looney doesn’t feature in this story, I surmised it was probably Bella.

Talk of the devil and all that, I thought, as a delicious yet forbidden scent hit my nostrils, which flared once in response before I cut off my airways altogether. I wasn’t going to endanger my future sister-in-law just because I was a little thirsty…

“Bella” Sighed Edward happily, as with a crash and a stumble, said future sister-in-law fell into the clearing.

“Edward!” She squealed, like an obsessed fan girl.

“Hello my Love” Edward purred softly. I could practically see Bella’s though processes slowing as her brain turned to mush.

“Uhuh…” She managed. Luckily, Emmet chose that point to interrupt the drool-fest, which I was grateful for, because if they’d carried on a minute longer, I expect I’d have jumped out of the tree, and started making out with the nearest female who wasn’t going out with one of my fearsome and psychotic Vampire brothers.

Which was either Mike or a goose, depending which way you looked at it. I decided it would probably be Mike. He won out over the geese any day.

“Bella! Thank Carlisle it’s you! Now be a good little human and chase off the geese for us?” Bella looked at him blankly.

“Geese? What…” She was interrupted by a shrill, and blatantly vampiric in origin, scream. Moments later, a pale figure was quaking fearfully besides me in the tree…