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I Need You to Love Me

A penny for your thoughts… A picture so it lasts… Let's knock down the walls of immortality Your fingers on my skin… only you can hear my fear… only you can help me heal… i see forever with you here. It's never enough, no matter how many times I try to tell you this is love. If tomorrow never comes, I want you to know right now that I'm gonna love you until the day. I'm gonna love you like it's the last night on Earth. And though I'm undeserving, I need you to love me.

All of this belongs to the great stephenie meyer. I am just playing with her fun toys.

18. Chapter 18- No Matter How Many Times I Try to Tell You This is Love

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Chapter Eighteen - No Matter How Many Times I try to Tell You This is Love

Gia looked at him in surprise for a moment. She stared up at him then realizing that she was standing up in only waist deep water quickly dropped down to her knees so that the water covered most of her body from the shoulders down. Which wasn't covering near enough. "Alec."

Alec stared at Gia and tried to remember what he'd planned to say to her when he caught up with her. He had had it all planned out as he'd approached the waters edge but it had all left him as he'd seen her rise from the water like a goddess with her hair streaming out behind her. In that moment he'd realized how foolish he'd been to allow himself to forget that she was a budding woman. Even in during the few weeks they had shared, she had matured slightly. She had become even more beautiful when he wasn't looking but he saw it now and cursed the fact as he cursed the way he couldn't look away. "Gia."

"How did you find me so quick?" Gia asked as she tried to get as low in the water as humanly possible without actually being under the cold water that was turning her into a human icicle as she spoke. "You should still be with the Robespierre’s."

"It was your bedtime." Alec said raising an eyebrow as he struggled not to do something foolish like smile at the way she was trying to hide her bare figure from view. Thanks to the full moon and his own keen eyesight he could make out everything and the water was a weak barrier. And it was really too beautiful a sight to hide Alec thought then cursed the very idea. His enjoyment of the view was disgusting, as was the realization that his body was reacting to the sight. He met a conundrum. If he stepped forward just one step, he would be in her power range and his view might perhaps be stopped or at least lessened. On the other hand, he could turn. She could try to sneak away from him in that time. That would force him to turn and face her entire bare form and perhaps even touch her like that, if it meant forcefully bringing her back to the chateau. He settled with the step forward. That way, he would most likely not have to touch her.

"Damn." Gia said more to her self then to him. She hadn't thought of that. She had figured that with all the strange vampires around he would have drawn as little attention to her as possible. It hadn't occurred to her that he'd come to her before she was already asleep. The previous night, she had woken to him entering the room. Now here she was in a situation that she couldn't possibly come out of with a smile on her face. Closing her navy eyes for a minute she drew all her inner strength before allowing her gaze to once again connect with his.

"You will come with me." Alec said simply then turned his back expecting her to do as commanded. They had a long way to go to get back and it would be necessary to travel quickly so as not to draw attention. That and he didn't think he could handle seeing her like this. Once she was dressed and they were home he'd deal with these emotions and kill them quickly and efficiently as was his way. He did love her, but she said that she wasn’t ready for what his body instinctively craved.


"What did you say?" Alec said turning around quickly, sure that he must have misunderstood her words. She would never disobey him, she knew better then that. She knew his power; she knew thathe would use it even if he was reluctant to do so.

"I'm not going back with you, Alec." Gia said with a slight hitch but brave look. She didn't know why he'd followed her so far but she wasn't going to go back with him. Ever.

"You will do as I say Gia." Alec growled, pinning her with a cool stare that reminded her of why he was feared by so many. And yet she looked so innocent and desirable that he wasn't even able to hold onto the ferocious expression for long and the snarl welling up in his throat died a quick death. She wouldn't disobey him; he wouldn't allow her to. Ruby eyes icing over Alec looked at her and tried to think of another way to get her to do what he wanted.

“No. I told you why I was leaving in the letter. I appreciate you coming all this way to rescue me or whatever, but I do not need it. I am not going back.”

"You will do as I tell you." Alec said his eyes flashing now as she simply glared back at him. He had come all this way for her, how dare she disobey him. "NOW!"

"No." Gia said quietly as her tears joined the waters calmly swirling around her. "Please go."

"You're mine Gia. You are mine to do with as I want and you will come with me. I'm not asking you to, I'm telling you." Alec said as he deliberately showed his teeth when he spoke. She would do as he told her to; she must Alec thought with a touch of panic.

"Why, Alec? Why won't you let me go? If it's a matter of pride then don't you see that I'm doing more damage to it if I come with you? I take you off the pedestal others have put you on. I am a pathetic, lowly human- a being that all vampires should detest! I get it! I understand! You don’t have to try to protect me anymore! I know that I am the reason that the rumors of your weakness have begun to spread! I know that it’s all my fault, and I’m sorry! Please! Just go! Leave me be! Fix your life!" Gia asked desperate to understand.

"I will decide what is best for me Gia." Alec said rather shaken by her words spoke with such authority and confidence. They were true, words he'd said before to others and even to her face though never in criticism of her, only those who were humans. She was human, just like that Swan girl or countless others but neither his head nor his black heart would accept that obvious fact when he looked at her. When he looked at her he saw only Gia, he didn't see a pathetic human who didn't deserve to breath the same air as vampires. He saw the sweet and loving girl that had suddenly found him, saved him, brought him back to life. He told her that he loved her. Did she not understand for herself just how much he cherished her? And that was the root of the mess Alec realized: I've forgotten that I hate her. He'd grown to think of her as a part of him self, the good part. A reminder that he had a heart at all. She was what kept him from becoming like Caius; she kept him from becoming a complete monster. "Come. I wish you by my side, that is all you need know."

"NO!" Gia yelled as she hunched her shoulders against the cold. "Why won't you understand?"

"Now Gia." Alec growled not even giving an inch. He was not going to allow her to have her way this time. His word was law and she would obey it. He would force her to return with him. He would be slaughtered by the Masters before he left her alone. He loved her with all of his heart and there was no way he was letting her go.

He expected to hear another protest. But he did not. But instead of the yes Alec he'd expected his sensitive ears picked up; on the sound of silent weeping. No longer even bothering to cover her self Gia sat in the water, head bowed as tears streamed down her face. "Gia?" Not answering, Gia continued to quietly weep as though her heart were breaking. Staring at her Alec felt so helpless, he hadn't felt this helpless since he was a human. Unsure of what to do he tried to remember what one was supposed to do in these situations. Gia had never been a crier and whenever she did cry she usually went off to do it in private. He could leave her here until she got control of her emotions but he couldn't leave her in the water. She was visibly shivering in the open air and if she didn't get out soon she might get very sick. Humans were very weak when it came to facing the elements and he wouldn't allow her to fall victim to the cold.

Grabbing the only thin blanket that she had brought out of her backpack, he quickly strolled into the water. Gia let out a squeak. Closing his eyes to keep within the bounds of propriety, Alec picked her up with one arm and securely wrapped the blanket around her. Only then did he open his eyes. Once she figured out what he was doing, her tears only increased as she snuggled into him, burying her head in his chest. He held her and tried to soothe her while she bawled.

"Its all right Gia." Alec said feeling helpless as she just lay limp in his arms as though she were dead, the only sign that she was still alive was her heavy breathing. Unsure what to do Alec simply held her tighter and tried to absorb the cold from her body into his own, laying his arm over her for added warmth. Minutes later he sighed. Though she was still shivering slightly she was breathing better and had curled into him instead of just laying there which he took as a good sign.

"I'm sorry." Gia whispered and Alec actually sighed with relief, she was going to be all right. Rubbing his hands up and down her sides Alec allowed himself to smile slightly as he looked down at her.

"It's all right." Alec said as he carefully pushed her head down to lay over his heart and simply held her.

"Don't ever do that again Gia." Alec said simply and Gia tilted her head up to see him staring down at her with eyes that glowed with emotions unsaid and unreadable.

"Don't ever do what?" Gia said with a faint smile, she'd done a lot of things tonight that she wouldn't be doing ever again; especially in front of Alec.

"Run away from me. If you leave I will simply hunt you down and bring you back. I don't care what anyone else thinks, you'll stay with me and that's final." Alec said and Gia felt hope grow in her heart then quickly die.

"But you see I have to go. Even if it weren't for the fact that my being with you causes you trouble and that I'm a bother to you. There's a very good reason why I have to leave and you need to let me go." Gia said with a sad smile as she broke Alec’s gaze to stare at her chest instead.

"And that reason would be?" Alec asked curiously as he took note of the way she was trying to hide from him even though it was pointless. "Whatever it I will take care of it."

She cried something but he could not understand her. She freed her hands from the blanket and clung to his shirt. She cried for an imponderable amount of time. But he was more than content to hold her and try his best to comfort her, though in his mind, he failed miserably. Sometime later, Gia pulled back. She wiped her eyes furiously with the back of her wrist.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“It’s okay,” he soothed. “It’s perfectly all right,”

“Are you mad?” she asked.

“Yes,” Alec grinned. “I am furious at you for running away from me. What were you thinking?”

“I don’t want to ruin your reputation thingy,” she said. “I want you to be good and successful,”

“You fool,” he laughed. Then he suddenly snarled. “Never again. I will never forgive you if you run away form me again.”

“Never again,” she promised.

“I’ll hold you to it,” he told her.

“Good for you,” was her final reply before falling asleep. It was only as he held her that he realized that Gia had never told Alec what that other thing was.

Gia came awake as she'd been trained to wake since she was a child. Senses humming she took in everything she could from her other senses without opening her eyes a crack. Keeping her eyes closed Gia contented herself with listening to the strong heart that was beating beneath her palm. Leaving her hand there Gia tried to think of how she was going to get out of the mess she'd got herself in. She'd forced Alec to traipse half way across the French countryside to find her and now there would be hell to pay. It was morning now and when he awoke from his slumber he'd be so angry both at her and at himself. But she couldn't just leave him here; she knew it as well as she now knew the body beneath her. He wouldn't let this pass; she wouldn't get more then a couple of feet before he awoke and stopped her.

Alec didn't bother to open his eyes as he felt her stir. During the night he'd rolled over so that she wouldn't have to sleep on the cold ground and so she lay on top of him with her fiery head pressed against his neck and her hand over his heart. Breathing in her scent Alec wondered how he had come to this point. His life now depended upon her, his heart was only willing to beat as long as she was near and his soul was only alive when he had her to look after it. She had become as necessary to him as breathing and he accepted this. There would be hell to pay for this but it would be hell to live without her, and it would be a hell without her in it to lead him to heaven. Feeling her shift Alec opened her eyes to see her leaning over him with her arms braced on either side of her head to keep her up. Staring at her without a word Alec watched her hair hang around her in disarray like a curtain. Reaching out he gently ran a hand through her hair and watched a smile bloom on her face at the gesture.

“Alec,” Gia whispered. Alec smiled up at her and he was rewarded by the rapid beating of her heart and the growing warmth of her body. He reached up and touched her cheek. She leaned into his touch. This time, Alec left his hand on her smooth face. She could have purred.

“What was the other reason you left me?” he asked.

Gia flushed bright red. “Nothing,” she mumbled.

“Oh, but there is,” he said. She bit her lip and looked away. Alec cursed himself for his stupidity, he had ruined the peaceful morning- the first of many- that they were mates. Well, in his mind, they were at least. Most likely not in hers.

“Tell me,” he asked softly as he raised his mouth to her ear. Gia shivered as his cool breath tickled her ear, making the tiny hairs rise up on her entire body.

“Alec,” she looked down directly into his eyes. He watched and waited. She froze as she stared down at him. Her breathing halted and she did not move an inch. For almost two minutes he waited yet she did not speak.

“Tell me,” he pleaded. Gia’s eyebrows rose at his obvious vulnerability. That was almost enough to convince Gia to confess him everything. Almost. She flushed and tore her fixating gaze away from his ruby eyes.

“I can’t,” she willed him to understand. She couldn’t tell him that. She just couldn’t. No. Logically, he would not reject her. Yet still, the doubt hissed in her ear.

“Please,” he begged. His eyes shone bright. There was a need in those beautiful ruby eyes that he had demonstrated before. Gia winced. She hated to leave him like that. He deserved to know. Yet how could she tell him though when she herself was unsure of the depth of her feelings.

“I…I…I can’t,” she looked at the ground beside his shoulder. “I’m sorry,”

“Don’t be,” he whispered. He valiantly tried to keep the hurt out of his voice and expression. He did not want her to feel even worse when it was clear that she was struggling to come to terms with whatever had happened. It felt like her heart was going to burst. It thumped rapidly in her body. Her ribs were cracking. Gia felt like she was going to scream. She had to. This pain was unbearable. Never before had she felt such agony.

“I love you!” she yelled.

Alec froze. Gia looked down. Alec stared up at her, mouth agape. His hands fell slack off of her body. She blinked out tears. Pushing herself up off of him, she tired to move away. She didn’t want to ever see him again. She hated him. How dare he reject her after he said he liked her? Technically, he said that he just liked her. He never uttered a word about love, so she had jumped the gun on that one. Two hands pulled her back down on him. He stared at her, eye in eye.

“Really?” his voice was strangled and soft.

“Why do you care?” she sputtered, trying to pull away so that she could wipe her tears away. She didn’t want him to see her crying. She was stronger than that. Believe it.

“You love me?” he sounded incredulous. Happy, but incredulous. Without warning, he flipped her over to where she was underneath him. “You loved me.” Alec stated this time.

“I do,” she whispered.

“I love you, too,” he confessed.

“You do?” Gia whispered, incredulously.

“More than anything else,” he said. “I will, forever.”

To Gia, that seemed that like a long time. She wasn’t sure if that kind of commitment was even possible, but for Alec, she was willing to try.