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Goodbye

Summary:
Alternate ending to New Moon. As the months continue Bella continues to slowly heal. But tragedy strikes again, creating a domino affect with everything in her life. With Edward gone, who will save her? New chapters finally added!


Notes:


19. Chapter 19: A Cruel Lie

Rating 5/5   Word Count 2316   Review this Chapter

You've been alone, you've been afraid
I've been a fool
In so many ways
but I would change my life
If you thought you, might try to love me
So please give me another chance
To write you another song
And take back those things I've done
Cause I'll give you my heart
If you would let me start all over,
Again

Justin Timberlake - (Another Song) All Over Again

* * *

“Alice what the hell are you doing here?!” he screamed so loud I thought I felt the house shake.

“I could ask you the same thing.” she answered back with the same fury.

“I come here to get away from all of you, but instead I find that you’re here with her.” he pointed to me. “And to find out that she’s a vampire. Alice Cullen, you better explain to me why she is a vampire this second.”

I had a name, or had he forgotten that.

“Better yet Edward. Why don’t you explain why you’re here, of all the places for you to run, you come to the very place where she exist.”
I have a name! I yelled only for myself.

He fell silent.

“That’s what I thought.” she said smugly.

“That’s not the point. Alice, what happened?” he spoke at a normal tone now. “Oh my gosh, you better not have changed her, or so help me!” he was back to being loud.

“Don’t be ridiculous!”

“STOP!” I screamed. Both there heads turned to look at me.

We were getting no where. I didn’t understand why they were both so angry at each other. They never fought like that.

“Alice didn’t change me. It shouldn’t matter to you anyway. You left remember, you no longer have to worry if I’m ok or not, or why I’m a vampire, it’s none of you business.”

He flinched back at my sudden anger towards him. I was even surprised by my words. If only he knew that just a few hours ago I was sitting in front of a mirror half losing my mind.

He didn’t say anything. His eyes were hurt by my words, but he tried to hide it. “I just…” he stopped and turned away. “I…”

I interrupted him. “Don’t worry Edward, I’m capable of taking care of myself. I’m not the fragile human you left behind. ”

I put all my pent up anger and frustration into my words. But I knew it was a lie. I hated him for leaving, but could never stop myself from loving him.

He turned away from my fierce glare.

“Alice, why are you here then?”

I’m sure he realized that I was a very different Bella.

“Well…” Alice’s face suddenly turned very ashamed. “You remember that vision I had a few days ago?”

“Yes.” he was starting to tense up.

“Well I saw Bella getting bit.” She stepped back and prepared for Edwards wrath.

“WHAT?!” He was furious, I had never seen him this angry before. “I can’t believe you had a vision about her being bit, and you didn’t say anything! You said it didn’t concern me!” he said mocking her voice exact.

“Well it didn’t. I mean I wasn’t sure when it was going to happen, so I thought I’d come here and check on her to see if she was safe. If she was ok, then no one needed to know, if she wasn’t you were going to be the first to know.” She said everything so fast and quite cheerfully, which made Edward that much more upset.

“Alice! You should have told me! This obviously does concern me!” His entire body was shaking and his arms flailing in the air.

I was thrown by his last sentence.

“How am I your concern?” I asked confused, but with a hint of annoyance.

“What?” he asked innocently.
“How does any of this concern you? Did you forget that you left me, you didn’t want me anymore.” I was in his face now.

It took everything in me not to throw my hands around his beautiful face and kiss him. I didn’t care if he didn’t want me, I still undoubtedly wanted him.

Alice looked at him with one eyebrow cocked, and her hands crossed over her chest, waiting for him to answer. I’m sure she already knew the answer, but she like to see him squirm.

“WELL!” I yelled.

“You becoming a vampire effects everyone.”

Oh please that’s the best he could come up with, he had to do better than that.

“Really?” I said sarcastically. “I think it only concerns me. And since I no longer belong to you, you should just butt out.” I said poking him in his chest with one of my fingers.
I didn’t want him to leave. I wanted his concern and worry. I wanted him to show some sort of interest in me. I wanted him to love me.

“Bella.” he stopped and thought about his words carefully. “It concerns me because…” he stopped again and carefully considered his words. His face looked as though he was fighting with himself on whether he should say it - whatever it was - or not. “Because I still love you.”

I almost was floored by his words. I almost thought that my imagination was so good, that I dreamt him saying he still loved me. I shook my head, trying to refocus.

“No. No. No.” I said, fighting the words that was sure to bring pain. “You can’t still love me. You left, you said you didn’t want me anymore.”

“I know what I said, but it was a cruel lie.” He put his hand on my shoulders and then ran his hand down my arm, until he reached my hand and intertwined our fingers.

A cruel joke more like it.

I whipped my hand out of his, and took a step back. “A cruel lie. Why Edward? Why would you do that?” My voice was pain and confused.

“I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought that you’d have a better life if I was no longer apart of it. You had already been through so much, with James, then Jasper, I thought that if I left, you’d be safer.”

“Safer! Look at me. I’ve become this because you left, all for a cruel lie to make yourself feel better.”

I was so angry at him. I loved him, but he was wrong.
“I didn’t feel better about myself. I felt horrible the entire time I was away. I should have never left you. It did the opposite of what I thought, now you’re exactly what I was trying to protect you from.” His voice was saturated with pain and guilt.

“Edward…” I loved him, but could I trust him again. Could I really trust his words this time? What if this time it was all just another cruel lie? “Do you have any idea what I’ve been through because you were selfish and left?”

“No.” he said with his head bent low. “But I…”

“Do you have any idea what I’ve lost? How abruptly my entire existence changed because you thought you were doing the right thing?” I was looking deep into his eyes so that he could feel my pain, but he wouldn’t look at me.

“No. Bella, if I had known that this was going to happen I would have never left. I should have never left in the first place. I was so stupid and wrong.”

“Edward I want so badly to believe you, but I don’t know if I can.”

I wasn’t sure of myself. I knew that I loved him with every last fiber in my body. I knew that I would have given anything to hear him say he still loved me. But now, with everything I had been through, the blame truly fell on his shoulders. Even though my heart didn’t beat, he would still have all of it, but could I trust him again.
“Bella it’s the truth. I was wrong for leaving you, and I’m sorry that it took me this long to realize it. I’ve been literally dying without you. Just then, when I first caught your scent, was the first time I’ve truly been happy in almost a year.” He took my hand and pulled me closer to him.

If I were still human, his smoldering eyes would have won me over the second he looked at me. But I wasn’t human. This was once what I wanted. I wanted to be a vampire, and I was willing to give it all up. So why was this so hard?

Deep down I knew it was because I wanted the control of being able to say when I said goodbye to the people I loved. This happened, and I was in no way prepared. But now I could have everything back. My Edward, my life, my happiness. Everything could go back to what it once was.

He was holding me firmly against his chest, one of his hands twined in my fingers, the other around my waist, holding me tightly against his sculpted body. He still had the same affect on me. As strong as I was, he still held the power of making me lose my breathe with his scent alone.

He was staring intensely into my eyes. I was torn between choosing what my silent heart longed for, or following what I knew was right. If I took him back there would still be a chance that he would leave me again. It wasn’t a very good one, since I was now a vampire, but it was still a possibility. But if I let him go, I wouldn’t only break his heart, but I’d be breaking mine own all over again. Could I handle that?

Suddenly Edwards lips pressed against mine, completely making me forget what I was thinking. His full lips were no longer cold or hard, but quite warm and soft. I had craved his lips for so long, that no matter how much I wanted to fight, emotionally I wasn’t strong enough. I let him selfishly take me in his embrace. He kissed me with such passion and longing I knew his words were true. His embrace told me that he still loved me. His lips told me that he was honest, that he really thought he was doing the right thing. His kiss was different, still careful, but awkward, as if he had known that I was going to attempt to fight back.

As always he pulled away leaving me breathless. It was almost like I could feel my heart beating wildly in my chest again. He gave me a sense of normalcy, it was like he was giving a part of my humanity back.

“I love you, I never stopped. Please forgive me.” he begged, whispering into my ear.

“Edward…I,”

“Please…” he begged again.

I breathed in deeply, taking in the glorious scent that radiated of his skin.

How I’ve missed this scent. How I’ve missed you.

“You hurt me, you broke me into so many pieces.” I looked up into his eyes and let him grab hold of my pain, as if to make it his.

He slightly released his grip on me, but still held me closely.
“Bella,” he said hurt.

I put my finger to his lips and stopped him. “But as soon as you return, the pieces are back, and for the first time since you left I can breathe.”

His face was somewhat confused by what I was saying.

“I can’t let that go.”

Still confused, but his lips were slightly turning upward, forming almost my crooked smile, that I needed to see.

“Edward.” I took his face in my hand. “I love you. I’ve always loved you, and couldn’t stop even if I wanted to.”

With my final word he pulled my up into his arms and squeezed me tighter than he ever had. He pulled away and looked at my face.

“Sorry.” he said, placing me back on the ground, examining to ensure I wasn’t broken.

“It’s ok, you can’t break me anymore.”

His face finally let my crooked smile reach his lips.

“About time.” Alice said sarcastically. I looked back at her and smiled. She had the biggest smile on her face too. “I was about to do something drastic soon, if I had to listen to Edward cry for one more night.” she said teasingly.

“Oh, so you cried.” I said, looking back into his golden eyes.

“Yes, I cried every night I was away from you. And since I don’t sleep, tears reached me during the day too.” he said, tracing my jaw line with his fingers.

“Edward, I missed you.” I pulled him closer, and let my head rest against his chest. “Please don’t ever leave, I’ll die if you do.” I really would die. If he decided to leave again, I would never be able to handle it a second time around.

“I’ll never leave you again, believe me. I’m to weak and selfish to every let you go again, without you I am nothing.” He was stroking my hair with his free hand.

“Can we please leave, if we’re lucky we can be home in a few hours, and I can see Jasper.”

“Ok let’s go home.” Edward sighed.

“Wait till everyone sees you Bella, they’re going to freak out.” Alice said, as we walked to the car.

“I forgot no one knows that you’re a vampire, or that we’re back together.” Edward lowered his lips to his my forehead.

“Will they be ok with it?” I asked warily. I wasn’t sure if they still wanted me to be apart of their family.

“Of course they will.” Alice said in disbelief I would even ask that.

I guess it was a stupid question.

Home. That sounded almost to good to be true. I almost had forgotten what it was like to have a safe place as home, or to have family waiting for you when you arrived. Now I was finally going home to the people I had longed to be my family.