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Goodbye

Summary:
Alternate ending to New Moon. As the months continue Bella continues to slowly heal. But tragedy strikes again, creating a domino affect with everything in her life. With Edward gone, who will save her? New chapters finally added!


Notes:


5. Chapter 5: Broken Hearts

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1413   Review this Chapter

The house was entirely empty. Billy had left. Apparently there was a vital game on that he had to watch, so Charlie picked him up. Which left only Sam and I alone. I stared at him cautiously. I was glad he finally decided to come back. It was hard not having him here. I missed him, I’d never that I’d ever say that about Sam.

“It’s good to have you back Sam.” I said in a quiet voice. I went back to the couch. He was rummaging through the kitchen for something to eat.

“Thanks, Bella.” His voice was sad. Not like it was a just a second ago when all the boys were around. He had dropped his guard, and had gone back to being depressed. I was glad he felt at least that comfortable around me.

I wanted to ask how he was doing, but wasn’t sure if that would be a good question. I wasn’t sure what to say. Sam and I had never been alone before. The awkward silence seemed to drag on for decades. I wanted to ask him where he’s been these last two weeks. But again, felt that maybe it wasn’t for me to know. He needed his time and I understood that.

He came and sat down on the couch, with a plate of food. His eyes were depressing, but his actions and movements said other wise. I wondered if that was what I looked like during my zombie period.

I could feel myself staring at him, but couldn’t turn away. I didn’t understand why I was engrossed in him. I knew he could probably feel my eyes, boring into him, but he never looked at me.

“Go ahead and ask.” he said, not looking at me, but instead kept occupied by his food.

“What?” I asked innocently.

“I know you have something you want to ask, or something you want to know. Either way, go ahead.” He took a bite out of his bread and continued not seeing me.

I stared at him in astonishment, how had he known that I wanted to know anything. Was I that obvious?

“It’s nothing. It’s none of my business.” I felt rude, even though I wasn’t the one who brought it up.

“Well it’s obviously not nothing. And I wouldn’t have asked you to ask me, if I didn’t mind you knowing.” His tone was still monotone. His voice was husky like Jacobs, but a little deeper.

Well I guess he was right. If he didn’t mind. I just didn’t want to say anything that would upset him. I should be terrified of him, after seeing what he did to Emily. But I wasn’t I felt oddly connected with him. Not in a romantic way of any sort. But I felt as though that in this very moment in time I was the only one close to him that could possibly understand his pain.

“Well…” he finally turned to look at me, waiting with that same dead look on his face. “Well…where have you been?” The words finally escaped my lips.

“That’s all you wanted to know.” he scoffed, and turned away. “I’ve just been around. No where in particular.”

He turned back to me and stared cautiously, waiting, as if there was so much more he wanted to say, but couldn’t, like he didn’t know if he could trust me.

His eyes held an all to familiar sadness. I had often looked into the mirror, hoping I would get a glimpse of some part of me that was still alive. That he hadn't taken with him. I recognized the same heartache in Sam eyes, as I had seen in the mirror. His actions were trying to convince everyone around him that he was ok. The smile that would play across his face, was fake, trying to throw everyone off his scent. But his eyes held the truth. One look into his deep dark eyes and you would be able to see his true self, and it was heartbreaking.

He looked as though he wanted to tell me something vital. Something that he couldn't tell his brothers, something only I could comprehend. His heartache was too real, and picked at the still raw edges of my heart. The hurt that never seemed to subside was a damage that would be with me forever. And now him too.

"I just…" he was looking down and playing with the food on his plate. He was letting his walls down...down for me. "I had to leave, I see her in everything around here. Her scent was still so fresh, like she was next to me. I couldn't handle it.”

He turned to look at me. His eyes still with that heartbreaking grief.

"I didn't want to be around anyone. I was too dangerous. Look what I did to the person I loved most in the world. One moment of weakness, of stupidity, and she's gone. I'm the leader, I'm suppose to be stronger than that. I was ashamed."

He was so vulnerable, so weak. The Sam I knew was the exact opposite. But there he was sitting right next to me, letting me of all people, see him.

"We all have moments of weakness. It's only hu..." I bit my lip, letting the last word get stuck in my throat.

He caught me. "Human.” He looked at me, but I looked away. “I’m not human. I’m a monster.”

I focused on my hands, sitting in my lap. I saw him from the corner of my eye, still staring at me. I continued to focus on my hands. I didn't want to meet his intensely pained gaze.

"It's ok Bella. I know what I am, and I know what I've done. That‘s why I had to leave."

"But that's only part of who you are. Only part of what you've done. Even non-humans have moments of weakness. You're only part werewolf, you're still human in so many ways."

"I guess."

"You may think your a monster. But I can see you. " I looked at him, wanting him to see the sincerity in my eyes. The kindness I held for him. The truth.

"Thanks for trying, but you don't know me Bella."

"But I do." I stated, sure of myself. "I'm very perceptive."

"That still doesn't mean you know me." He started to get frustrated.

"Right...because you probably don't feel like there is this permanent whole in your chest, that sears with pain with every painful thought of your past with her.”

I steered away from using her name, if he was feeling anything like me, then her name would hurt to much to hear.

"Because you don't feel like you constantly can't breathe. Like you’re taking in air, yet can't stop hyperventilating. Because it probably doesn’t hurt to hear her name, to see her face haunting you, to look at a picture of her. Her house doesn't want to make your insides burn, because the memories there are still so real, so fresh.

“You’re not a monster. Monsters don't have regret. Monsters don't fear. Monsters are evil and don’t have a heart. But you-you feel all these things. You care for your family, you think and feel with your heart.

But then again I'm probably wrong…because I don't know you." I finished with heavy sarcasm.

I finished astounded that all that came from my mouth. I was so strong, so confident, so brave. I was on a roll today.

I looked at him hoping my words hadn't hurt him. But his expression was different. He wasn't hurt. It looked as though I had pinpointed to well everything he was feeling. That I had touched something deep inside of him, something he never thought anyone could understand.

There was silence. We both hadn't moved for who knows how long.

The silence continued.

Finally Sam broke the quiet. "You're very perceptive." was all he said. Then he took his half eaten plate of food into the kitchen.

I had touched on something. I just hoped I wasn't wrong. That I wasn’t out of place.

"Sam..." I said shyly.

"Yeah." he said dryly from the kitchen.

"I'm sorry."

"Bella don't."

"No, I am. Now we're both in the same club. We're both broken...damaged goods."

Our hearts were missing, and that strangely connected us.