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Return Again

Written from Edward's point of view, we explore the depth of the rabbit hole. They are back in Forks, and a thought crosses Edward's mind. Can he really promise to never leave again? Will he make the right decision to condemn Bella to an eternity of night? Then tragedy strikes. Bella is gone. Edward begins the cross country trek that will bring his angel back to him... We leave off when Edward and Bella return from England... This installement IS over... Keep up for the next saga in this Bella and Edward lovefest... Named: Renaissance DISCLAIMER: All characters, real or fake, content taken from the Twilight series belong to Stephenie Meyer. This story is a result of my STILL untamed imagination. Please don't sue me.

I wrote a lot of this based on what I think Edward thinks like, so if the information is incorrect or I missed one major Edward detail, I apologize...

10. Chapter 10

Rating 5/5   Word Count 2274   Review this Chapter

Alan came into the room with two coffees in his hands. He handed me one, and I wrapped my fingers around it, even though the nasty black stuff would never come near my mouth. The warmth warmed me, and reminded me about when Bella would hold my hand. Even when her hands were icy as mine, I could still feel the warmth of the blood rushing through her veins and that was enough to warm me and make the butterflies flutter in my stomach. Alan’s loud slurping interrupted my otherwise pleasant thoughts and I remembered why I was staring at Bella.

“So, how did you meet my… cousin.” I managed not to choke on the word. Under the law, I was Bella’s family, but according to Bella, I was nothing but a distant family member. At least she got the distant part right. As I waited for Alan’s slow response, I resisted the urge to yell that I was married to Bella, and he had no right coming between the two of us. He hadn’t come between the two of us… Bella’s irrational and hasty decisions had done that. I stopped myself from gripping the coffee cup and set it upon the end table.

Alan sipped his coffee. “Well, actually, it was Bella’s friend, Nancy who first introduced us. I’ll never forget that day. Everything seemed perfect then.” I felt myself getting annoyed at his Canadian chivalry. “We’ve only been together for a few months, but I feel myself getting to know more and more about Bella every day. She’s someone I think I can spend the rest of my life with.” I bit my lip anticipating the words that would follow. “I think I’m going to ask her to marry me.”

“How nice.” I said through my teeth, turning away so he would not see my eyes turn black. Alan had no right to ask Bella to marry him! Bella was still my wife, my angel; and Alan could not have her. That was the monster’s side of the argument. The more compassionate side of the monster however, would put his life on the line if that meant that it would make Bella happy. Forget ‘forcing’ my way into Bella’s life again. If I wanted her to be truly happy, I would do any damn thing she wanted. And there I sat in silence, screaming at myself for letting my angel slip through my fingers like sand, and overanalyzing everything.

“Hey, check this out.” Alan reached into his pocket and pulled out a pink satin ring box. He opened the box with his thumb and forefinger, and it opened, revealing a very generic looking two karat diamond. It did not shine like the glimmering upper-class diamond that sat on the engagement ring I had bought for Bella. I had the feeling that Bella chose Alan because he was simpler… Never trying to push the finer, unwanted things into Bella’s life; nothing like what I did.

“That’s… some… rock…” I said quickly, searching for the right words. I didn’t know how to put boring, plain, generic into polite, chivalrous words.

“Yeah. It set me back three months salary.”

“And worth every dollar.” I lied, biting my tongue. I didn’t really want to carry on small-talk with Alan. I just wanted to spend the moments waiting for Bella to wake up in silence. Preferably without Alan’s useless rambling. I tired to imagine Bella’s life with Alan. It would probably be very happy. I could imagine two, a sandy haired boy with Bella’s features running out of the front door with his skateboard clamped under his arm. A feat she would have never accomplished with me, the vampire. I tried to imagine further, but it hurt too much. Feeling defeated, I closed my eyes, but opened them again, afraid of the one-eyed Bella that haunted my dreams.

I finally settled with counting the holes in the tiles on the roof.

Three thousand two, three thousand three, three thousand four… I lost count when Bella started screaming. My cold hand moved instinctively to her face, and I didn’t bother with the thought of Alan glaring at me curiously. He had gone home for the night, thanks to my reassuring him that Bella would be fine. As my cool skin made contact with her hot cheek, the screaming ceased. “Thank you, Edward.” She whispered, and then she relaxed her expression. I wondered how she knew it was my hand that had made contact with her skin. Then a comforting epiphany wiggled its way into my mind. Bella still dreamt about me, just as I dreamt about her in my two terrifying dreams.

Her lids fluttered open, and in the dark I could see her chocolate eyes staring at me intently. To my surprise, she did not ask why I was here or give me a scathing glare. In fact, she looked downright overjoyed that I was sitting next to her. Her comforting smile only reassured my confusing thoughts. “Hello, angel.” Bella said, smiling through the darkness. More than ever I wanted to know what was going on inside that head of hers.

I raised an eyebrow and Bella laughed. The sound was music to my ears; I had not heard it in what felt like an eternity. “I’ve always wanted to call you that. And seeing as I’m about to die, I might as well do what’s on my list.” My eager smile drooped. She was just checking off thing on her to-do list. Nothing had sparked the flame. My hand was still on her face and now I jerked it away, feeling stupid for believing that Bella loved me again.

“Edward…” She whispered. I had begun counting the holes in the tiles again, and did not realize she had not dozed off.


“I’m sorry.” So am I. I was sorry for plotting a lame attempt to ‘force’ my way back into Bella’s life. She was clearly better off without a monster endangering every moment of her life. I hated myself for every ounce of pain I had caused Bella and for letting her out of my life in the first place. Bottom line was that I was sorry for everything wrong I had done in my life that involved Bella. What she was sorry for, I did not know.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” I said, and this was the truth. How could she be sorry for hurting me when she left when I had already caused her so much pain?

“Yes, I do. I’m sorry that I led you to believe that I didn’t love you.” She said, the words sparking an unrequited flame within me.

“Come again?”

Bella sucked in a breath of air. “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done that hurt you.” I wanted to speak. I wanted to tell her that I had done so much worse to her than she had done me. But she held a finger to my lips and continued. “I love you.” This, I did not want to interrupt. “I have always loved you. I will always love you. This…” She waved her hand around the room to signify her new lifestyle. “I hate this… My life is so empty without you. I made the worst mistake in my life by leaving. I’m sorry, Edward. I’m so, so sorry.” She mustered up her strength and pulled herself upright, flinging her arms around my neck and embracing me tightly. Everything felt so right in that moment.

“What about Alan?” I asked, thinking of the conversation I had with her ‘boyfriend’ earlier.

Bella shifted back so she could stare at me. “Alan… is nice.” She said hesitantly, not saying anymore. I felt a bit of pity for the young man. He wanted to marry Bella. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, and in the space of only a few moments, I had taken his future away from him. I did not feel pity. I felt immense guilt for taking away his happiness. But with Bella in my arms again, I could not help but forget about his happiness and remember my own.

Bella pressed her lips against mine; the cautious lines I had drawn for our physical relationship crumbled into dust. There was no need for me to push her away when her lips became more urgent because the door flew open, letting in a rush of light. Alan stood in the doorway, horrified to see Bella and me in the middle of a kiss. The wave of adrenaline of being caught lip locking with his girlfriend negated since I was, under the law, married to Bella.

“I guess he’s not your cousin.” Alan said grimly. Bella pulled away from me and looked Alan in the eye.

“I’m sorry, Alan. Edward is not my cousin. He’s my husband.” She said, her words shocking me. It did not seem at all like typical Bella. She twisted the wedding band on her finger nervously as she awaited his reply.

“Well, this is just great. I want to marry somebody’s wife!” Alan raged, his eyes growing frantic as he jammed his hands in the pockets of his windbreaker.

“I’m sorry.” Bella said; her hand still in mine under the bed sheet.

“Whatever.” Then Alan swept out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

“I do feel… guilty…” I managed to say after moments of silence.

Bella seemed distracted as she leaned back against her pillow and closed her eyes. “I’m sorry for making this so complicated, Edward. I never meant for it to be this way.”

“Nothing turns out according to plan,” I said, squeezing her hand. Bella smiled at me, and drifted back to sleep. I analyzed my words. In truth, nothing does turn out according to plan. So what had my plan been? Better yet, what would my next plan be? I knew my days with Bella were limited. Would I finally listen to Bella’s advice and just change her?

I remembered the first time I tried to change her. In the nick of time, Carlisle had reached me and told me that there was a heart donor for Bella. That time, I had not had to condemn Bella to an eternity of night. But what were the chances of it occurring again? Heart donors were impossibly hard to find, and Bella’s had been a fluke. Even so, I knew a part of me ached to change Bella… To make her like me… But another part screamed at me that changing Bella would only pose more problems.

Bella’s condition, to my relief, did not grow more fragile with time. She was finally well enough to fly home, back to Forks. The doctors warned me frequently that her heart would fail at any moment… But Bella insisted that she live the last months of her life back home in Forks. During the entire plane ride I kept intent watch over Bella, always asking her about her condition. Each and every time, Bella would assure me that she was fine and I was just being a big baby.

Finally, we were back home. I was taken aback by the crowd that waited for us in the Port Angeles airport. My side of the family was there, along with Bella’s, Charlie and Renee and Phil. They welcomed Bella back with open arms, with hugs and warm, affectionate smiles. I noticed that Renee did not bother to comment about Bella’s fragile state anymore.

“Well, that wasn’t too bad.” Bella whispered in my ear as we made our way into the parking lot. I smiled and told her that it would get worse jokingly as I lifted her into the backseat of Carlisle’s Mercedes and held her hand the entire way home. I could feel Bella’s muscles relaxing as she watched the greenery pass her by during the car ride. Finally, we made it home.

I was nervous during the first night that we were home. Bella slept soundly though, despite the jet lag.

While she slept, I dreamt. But this time, it was nothing close to the nightmares that I had been having in the past while. It was more like day-dreaming. It was so easy to let my imagination flow when I was staring at the face of my angel. I dreamed that Bella and I were traveling the world, from Paris to Tokyo, Beijing to Brazil… We would do that when Bella got better.

In the morning, I decided that it was time for my delayed biweekly hunting trip. Bella smiled, and kissed me on the cheek, assuring me that she would still be there when I came back. Alice came along with me and we set off for our meal.

I knew something was wrong when I returned. I could hear Esme sobbing in my room, but I could not for the life of me figure out what she was crying about.

I burst into the room to see Esme’s dismal face. “What’s wrong?” I demanded, even though I had a pretty clear picture of what she was going to say.

Esme sobbed and choked out the words.

“Bella… is… dead…”