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Return Again

Summary:
Written from Edward's point of view, we explore the depth of the rabbit hole. They are back in Forks, and a thought crosses Edward's mind. Can he really promise to never leave again? Will he make the right decision to condemn Bella to an eternity of night? Then tragedy strikes. Bella is gone. Edward begins the cross country trek that will bring his angel back to him... We leave off when Edward and Bella return from England... This installement IS over... Keep up for the next saga in this Bella and Edward lovefest... Named: Renaissance DISCLAIMER: All characters, real or fake, content taken from the Twilight series belong to Stephenie Meyer. This story is a result of my STILL untamed imagination. Please don't sue me.


Notes:
I wrote a lot of this based on what I think Edward thinks like, so if the information is incorrect or I missed one major Edward detail, I apologize...


2. Chapter 2

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1240   Review this Chapter

My cold arms were wrapped around Bella and I was content with everything. The sweet, mouth-watering scent that came off her skin, the unevenness of her heartbeats, the way she smiled at me… negated my thoughts of leaving Bella once again. But there was that lingering feeling, that if I had never showed up in Forks, she would not be in constant danger. “Tell me why you don’t want to change me.” Bella said suddenly, the peaceful mood we had created misted away.

“So like you to ruin a perfect moment,” I muttered, buying time.

“Just a question,” She shot back.

I fiddled around with the ends of Bella’s hair and sighed. She nudged me with her shoulder and I hesitated to speak. “Bella, I’m not going to take your soul.” I said, stating reason one.

“It’s yours for the taking.”

I continued. “I don’t want you to miss out on the typical human experience. With me, you will never be able to have children.” The ache I had for fatherhood burned in my chest. I wanted children, but children of my own; not at all like what Esme and Carlisle had. I wanted to hold a newborn babe in my arms, kiss my wife and tell her that I love her. I had done two of the three.

“I don’t want children if that means being without you.” Bella said unexpectedly.

It surprised me that she would give up the joy of giving life to a baby, just so she could live forever, childless with the monster that is essentially me. “You’ll never be able to grow old…”

Bella interrupted. “That’s a plus.” This irritated me. When I rebelled against Carlisle, I rebelled against everything that he had taken from me. The chance to hold my firstborn in my arms was gone. The chance to father my children was gone. The chance to experience the thrill of a first-time grandparent was gone. The chance to grow old with my beloved was gone out the window, never to return. I didn’t want to be the one to take it away from Bella.

“Bella, I don’t want to change you.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. My eyes flickered to Bella’s tender face, now twisted in anger. I knew I was going to pay for my thoughtless words. My punishment was seeing those chocolate eyes, brimming with salty tears, processing my cruel statement.

“You don’t want to change me?” I thought that was pretty clear, yes. But I hadn’t meant it in the tone that came with it. Bella wiped at her eyes with her sleeve. “Edward, if you’re so damn worried about my soul, I’ve got news for you! You have my soul, and you will always have it, and by changing me, you will not be taking it away from me. Because I gave it to you.” She said, breaking my grasp and moving several feet away.

“Bella - I didn’t mean it like that…” I stammered, searching for an apology worthy enough for my queen.

“I know you didn’t.” Bella said to my surprise. “But it still sounded bad.”

“I’m sorry, my angel.” I said, pulling her back into my arms and kissing away the tears. “I never meant to hurt you with my cruel, insensitive words.” Damn straight. Bella remained stiff in her position, flinching every time my cool lips made contact with her hot skin.

“Edward. If you don’t want to change me, I won’t bring it up again.” Bella said, her voice seemingly having a second tone to it. I did not pay enough attention to this; I was happy that she would not bring up the subject again. She relaxed her muscles and did not move as I pressed my lips into her hair.

“I love you, Bella.” I whispered.

“And I love you, Edward.” She replied in an almost whisper.

That evening, over Bella’s steak dinner, I announced that it was just about time for my biweekly hunting trip. Emmett volunteered to come, along with Carlisle.

“Where are you heading?” She asked between bites of her dinner.

I reached out to wipe off the steak sauce that was smeared on her chin. “Just Mount Rainier.”

“Won’t you be gone for a few days?” She asked, her tone implicating something I could not decipher.

“You seem to have forgotten my driving habits,” I said, raising an eyebrow.

Bella laughed tenebrously. “I’m just wondering what I’m going to do while you’re gone… You know most of my life centers around you… But I’m thinking, maybe while you’re gone, I’ll go visit Charlie or something.”

“It won’t be necessary for you to go along. I’ll be back before you know it.” Bella smiled a smile that shattered my heart. I wondered if my smiles had the same effect on her. “And besides, it’s about time I visited my father in law.”

Bella smiled again. I was sure I was going to develop heart problems. My heart had stopped beating for almost ninety years. “It still feels weird for you to call him that.” Bella said, her fork twirling in the air. “I keep forgetting that we’re married.” I stared at Bella, wondering what she meant by that. I tried not to think of it as I watched her finish up her food.

“It’s about time for me to go.” I said, after the dishes were done. I heard the abrupt pause of breaths. “I’ll be back as soon as I can, my love.”

“I’ll miss you.” Bella threw her arms around my neck and brushed her lips against mine.

“I count the moments until we’re together again.” And after one last kiss, I disappeared.

The next morning, after I returned from the hunting trip, Bella was gone. On our bed was a note, written in Bella’s unmistakable script.

Dear Edward,

I’m sorry I have to do this. I’m sorry for the pain I might be causing you right now. But I’m afraid, Edward. I’m afraid that you’re going to leave me again. And because of that, I can’t stick around anymore. It may not seem like the most rational thing to do right now, but I think it is the right thing. Thank you for showing me that life is worth living. Thank you for sticking around.

All my love,
Bella

This reminded me of the painful last letter Bella had left me when she went to face James in Phoenix. Bella had forgotten that she had given Alice that letter, and I when I found it, every word in that letter shattered my dormant heart. Thank you for sticking around. Did she think I had stayed with her this long out of pity? Or some other, irrational reason? Surely, she thought wrong. I stayed with her because I was too weak to leave. I craved her company far, far more than I should’ve, and because of that, I stayed. I loved Bella. And that is why I was too weak to make the decision to leave.

I was out the door and tracing for Bella’s scent in a flash.