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Return Again

Written from Edward's point of view, we explore the depth of the rabbit hole. They are back in Forks, and a thought crosses Edward's mind. Can he really promise to never leave again? Will he make the right decision to condemn Bella to an eternity of night? Then tragedy strikes. Bella is gone. Edward begins the cross country trek that will bring his angel back to him... We leave off when Edward and Bella return from England... This installement IS over... Keep up for the next saga in this Bella and Edward lovefest... Named: Renaissance DISCLAIMER: All characters, real or fake, content taken from the Twilight series belong to Stephenie Meyer. This story is a result of my STILL untamed imagination. Please don't sue me.

I wrote a lot of this based on what I think Edward thinks like, so if the information is incorrect or I missed one major Edward detail, I apologize...

5. Chapter 5

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To be truthful, during the entire plane ride, I was slowly dying inside. Even with my true love sitting right next to me, I knew her heart was no longer mine. I found myself wondering if the bond between Bella and me was really that strong. She sat only inches from me; I could feel the blood pulsing through her veins and her heart beating strong. I wanted to reach out and touch her, tell her I loved her before she left me again. But there was something about her silence that told me not to. How I ached to run my fingers through her chocolate locks and inhale her sweet scent.

Finally, the plane landed. I got up and out of my seat and waited patiently for Bella to unbuckle her seatbelt. Trying my hardest, I made my face smooth and unreadable. It was useless, anyway. Who would want to look at a monster?

The whole time I had been thinking about Bella and did not realize where we were until I saw the ticket stub that was in my hand. We were in Toronto, Ontario. Bella did not wait for me and began down the isle, her fists clenched tightly together. She retrieved her bags; I had none.

She began walking faster than her usual pace. Then as I hurried to catch up with her, Bella turned around and I could feel the venom in my veins running colder than usual. “Edward. I’m going to leave you now. It’d be a lot less painful for you if you just forget about me...” Bella said softly. Easier said than done. “I never want to see you again.” My chest throbbed with each syllable. I wish I spent the last five hours on the plane pretending that nothing was wrong between the two of us and not slowly dying inside, I thought to myself as I stared at Bella’s face. Then I realized that I could hardly stop myself from dying inside. It was inevitable.

“Goodbye, Edward.” Bella pressed her warm lips against my cheek and began to walk away, dragging her suitcase along with her. I commanded my legs to move, but I just stood there, looking like a fool; letting the love of my life leave me. Hard to believe that I was going to have to live the rest of my life without Bella. What was I going to do? Without Bella, my sky was painted black, no stars, no light.

“Bella,” I whispered, feeling weak and helpless. I would wish every candle on every birthday cake for every year that I have lived to have Bella in my arms again. I collapsed on the ground when I saw her disappear in the cab. I could not smell her sweet, sweet scent anymore. I bet this was how she felt the first time I tried to leave her. I’m sorry, Bella, for all the pain I’ve caused you. I don’t know how long I stayed there, sobbing tearlessly.

Three months later…

“Edward.” Esme said, standing with her arms folded against her chest, staring at me. “You must go after Bella.”

“What for?” I snapped, reaching for my remote control to turn up the music that, at the time, seemed to numb the pain temporarily.

“For one thing… She’s the love of your life.” Esme did not continue. She knew her one sentence was enough to make a point. If I wasn’t the gurgling mess I was now, that reason would’ve been enough. Bella had said that she never wanted to see me again. I knew every word of every sentence she spoke to me. It hadn’t been very many. I shrugged at Esme, and with a look of frustration on her face, she turned on her heel and stomped out the door, leaving me with the monster. (i.e. me.)

The sound of Debussy only seemed to aggravate me further as it pumped through my sub-woofers. It had been exactly three months, four days, seventeen hours and thirty seven minutes since I last saw my angel. It seemed weird to keep track of time, but it was the only day I could get by a day in life without curling up into a little ball and sucking my thumb. If I kept my head up and pretended like everything was fine, and Bella was not the biggest part of my life, maybe I would stop keeping track of time.

“It’d be a lot less painful for you if you just forget about me…” The words rang in my ears. Had Bella truly believed that I could ever forget her? I knew Bella probably already forgot about me. That’s the beautiful thing about being human. Things change. I had spent a greater part of last year thinking that Bella was different, set apart, from all other humans. In a way, she was, but in another way, she wasn’t. I spent the rest of the day dissecting my thoughts. I finally decided that maybe it was better that Bella and I were clear of each other’s lives. Then I stood up, thinking that maybe, it was time that my family and I start fresh in a new town. Then the thought of my current life Bella crossed my mind once again. I collapsed back onto the sofa and covered my face with my hands. I wanted to cry, very, very badly.

The sky outside was dark, and rain was pouring down in buckets. Alice stuck her head into my bedroom to ask if I wanted to join the rest of my family for a game of baseball. I turned her down, and she walked away thinking dirty thoughts of me for giving Bella up so easily. I thought about her words. She was right. I was a weak, insignificant man, and I did not deserve to be immortal. How could the same monster that killed many people also be the monster that let the love of my life walk out of my world without a fight?

That night, for the first time since my new birth, I dreamt.