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Better than Me

Summary:
A songfic to go with the beginning of Deceiver. It's about how much Bella misses Edward, and how she views herself while being a slave for the monsters that imprisoned her.


Notes:
All charecters belong to Stephenie Meyers except Aaron, Alx, Becka, KJ and Jasmine.


1. Better than Me

Rating 0/5   Word Count 680   Review this Chapter

I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be

He would need to move on. He called himself the darkness, the monster, which haunted my life. That wasn’t true at all. I brought the darkness myself. I was the monster that hurt people. I had done the one thing I told myself I wouldn’t. I hurt him.


I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes

I missed him so much more than they would have liked. For the first few months, I was totally unresponsive. Not the greatest quality for a member of the guard of vampire royalty. All I could do was think of his perfect face, his soft bronze hair, the beauty of his eyes…


And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me


He should have someone who doesn’t lie, doesn’t fake anything. Someone who wouldn’t deceive him, and could stand by him forever. He deserved the best in the world.


While looking through your old box of notes
I found those pictures I took
That you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't want to lose

I wouldn’t let myself forget him at all. Even though it hurt, I forced myself to think of him every night. Let the memories take over my dreams, giving me a few hours of happiness in my otherwise tortured life.


That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember

The worse thing was that I knew it would hurt him. I knew it would hurt him, yet I went along with their plans. I had to save him. I remembered the look on his face when I said bye before I got on the plane with the others…


What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

His eyes begged me to let him come with us. But I knew that he couldn’t come. The Volturi would kill him if he got on that plane with the rest of my coven. I just gave him a quick kiss and left him alone in the airport.

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder

I was always cold now. Even the fake warmth shifting gave couldn’t warm me, nor the scalding blood that ran down my throat.


Wish I never would've said it's over

I never should have lied to him. I should have told him as soon as we got back from Italy. So much could have changed if I had.


And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older

I’ll never be any older, so I never would stop thinking about him…


Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the end

It wasn’t the end. One day, I would escape. I would leave the hell I was in and go to him. I would never leave him again. This couldn’t be the end.


I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this

He had to know I still loved him. That I got myself in trouble on a daily basis because I refused to defy that love. The love that brought me back to life when I was a shell, that gave me the will to fight.


You deserve much better than me
(And I think you should know this)
(You deserve much better than me)

Edward, please try and forget me though. I would never stop loving you. I never would be able to. But as long as you’re free of pain, I can go on. The only thing that keeps me here is your safety.