Maelstrom of Emotions
Jacob finally lets his guard down only to find Bella at his doorstep once again. PLEASE REVIEW =] I would appreciate it. And it would give me more incentive to post another chapter! CHAPTER 3 is up!
It's my first time writing fan ficition, so any feedback would help
2. A quite Acquiescence
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That night we had a bonfire, in celebration of Bella’s return. We hadn’t talked much at all after she came back. Her quiet glances still showed traces of fear, confusion and sorrow. It was worse than before, because every heart beat carried an echo of pain.
Why did it have to be so hard? It was fairly simple: she had chosen me. But every piercing second of silence was increasingly painful, and I couldn't bear it any longer. I knew she had seen us together. But (if this was what she really wanted?), why did she have to come back with such dismay?
We walked slowly across the beach, glancing at each other occasionally, but mostly walking in silence. Her auburn hair danced in the wind, and I couldn’t help but gawk at her beautiful face. Her delicately carved lips were tightened with an unspoken regret.
What was she thinking?
We sat down near a familiar spot and watched the waves crash onto the sand in silence. The afternoon sun languidly sat at the edge of the horizon, as if waiting for a miracle to take place. I gently pulled her towards me, hoping to cut the tension that was building. She traced my collar bone slowly, and let out a quite sigh.
“What are you thinking about?” I enquired. The breaking silence was piercing silence. Even the waves seemed to quiet as I waited for her response, as if they understood something I did not. I held my breath, hoping she wouldn’t say something I didn’t want to hear
She sighed again and truthfully answered, “Edward.”
The crash of the waves brought along a surge of fury as I realized that the freaking bloodsucker was still on her mind and there was nothing I could do about it. Had she really chosen me, or was she still going to pine over that leech? But I couldn’t help but feel a hint of pity. She had chosen me, so why was this not what I wanted? She was so close to me, so why did I feel like she was so far away?)
I didn’t want this. I wanted her to love me because she wanted to, not because she felt she had to.
“Just go, please Bella, I can’t bear to see you like this.” I sighed. I really couldn’t bear to watch her chocolate eyes, grow hollow with pain.
She slowly lifted her head away from my shoulder and gazed into my eyes with a pained, lost look in her eyes. “I can’t, Jacob. I don’t want a forever. I want you. I chose you.” But she hadn’t chosen me. She had chosen the painful, but less frightening path.
“Stop lying, Bella! You didn’t choose me! You never will; you and I both know it!” I cried, agitated, and it came out as an indictment. I was tired. I was tired of waiting for her heart to finally accept that I was the one for her. I wanted her. But I wanted her to want me because she chose to, not because it was easier. I wanted her heart to beat with mine.
I wanted to wake up in the morning and find her fragile silhouette by my side. I wanted to watch her gently smile in her sleep. I wanted her to be mine. Was it really too much to ask?
She stared helplessly back at me. She was just as exposed as I was. She knew as well as I did the real reason she was here. Was this really what I wanted?
“I’m scared, Jake. I’m scared that the end is too close. And I’m scared that I made the wrong decision. Jake, I would never be able to see any of my family, my friends - any of them, ever again. It’s better with you.”
“Bells, you’ll never get over him. We both know that. I had to say it. It was the truth. Even if my heart was bleeding because of it, I knew it was true. “That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you, Bells, trust me - I’d do anything to keep you by my side. I’ve always wanted it to turn out this way. But if you aren’t happy, then is it really worth it?”What was I thinking, saying this stuff to her? It would only drive her further away from me! I was such a freaking idiot.
“ Jake, I love you, I do.
“ I know. But just not enough.” We’d been through this before, it was nothing new.
“ I can’t go back, Jake!” she said slowly letting a tear drop to the dry sand.
Her angelic face, covered in tears, glistened in the afternoon sun. She quickly wiped the tears, trying to mask her guilt. She was never very good at hiding her emotions. Her tears seemed crushed me slowly. I didn’t want this to be hard for her. I wanted her to know she had chosen the right person.
“Hey,” I said, and I cupped my hands around her thin cheeks and rubbed away the tears. “It’s okay… We’ll get through this together. And I promise to wait as long as you want me to.”
“That’s all I want, Jake,” she admitted, flushed with embarrassment, at the sight of her own tears.
She leaned back onto my chest and I cradled her in my arms. We watched quietly as the sun slowly descended past the dark horizon. The waves continued to gently crumble where the sand met the sea. She leaned back against my chest, and wrapped her cold arms my torso.
I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing by keeping her close to me. I knew better than to sit here waiting for her to break my heart again.
I let out a sigh and closed my eyes. I kissed her soft hair, and put my arms around her soft shoulders. She smiled at me, such a beautiful smile that for a second it seemed like the world stopped to watch her.
Suddenly she got up and grinned.
“Get up, I want to take you somewhere!” she boldly said pulling me up to my feet.