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Death Of The Volvo

Summary:
Bella is tired of Edward's obsession, so she decides to take matters into her own hands... along with some explosives.


Notes:
This was originally four chapters on FFnet, but it was too short here, so it's now two. It does have a sequel, though. Which I may put as new chapters, or a new story, I'm not sure yet. I don't own anything Stephenie Meyer has copywrited.


1. Decisions and Planmaking

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 809   Review this Chapter

“Hey, Edward, guess what,” I said. We were in the garage while Edward wiped down the hunkajunk, oh, whoops, I mean his Volvo. Stupid, shiny Volvo.

“What?” he asked.

“Volvo's were voted most likely to be bought by moms,” I said.

He looked at me. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Come on Edward, you know what I mean. It was rated for its high safety. Mini-vans… SUV's…,” I looked at him. “Volvo's.”

I know, I know. I have unresolved issues with his car. But really… how can I not be jealous?

He doesn’t rub me like he rubs the Volvo, that’s for sure.

He looked at me suspiciously. “I’m afraid I don’t see what you mean… Are you insinuating that I have a… mom car?”

“Yes.”

“Le gasp!” he gasped. “How dare you!”

“Oh I dare!” I said. “I also dare to say that your car is… is… unworthy of being a game show prize where it would be draped with scantily clad women!”

He narrowed his eyes. “Oh, no you didn’t.”

“Oh, yes I— Edward! Put me down!” He had thrown me over his shoulder and was walking towards the house.

“Rosalie! Rosalie, come here!” he called.

My eyes widened. “Edward… No need to do anything drastic…”

Rosalie walked in to the room and said, “What is it, Edward? And put Bella down before you break her.”

“Oh, like he cares! As long as his car is fine, the world can keep spinning!” I said, my voice slightly muffled from being upside down.

He put me down and turned to Rose.

“Do you know what she said about my car? She called it… she called it… I can’t say it!” he cried.

“Psh… I can. I called it a mom car.”

Rosalie gasped. The world stopped. Sirens were heard.

I rolled my eyes.

I decided it was due time to get rid of the Volvo.


About a week later I had a plan.

It was a great plan, if I do say so myself. (And I do.)

I went to Alice’s room to tell her. I would have just kept it to myself, but she can see the future. If I hadn’t told her and had left her to find out for herself, she would have done horrible things to my face. I shudder just thinking about it.

I went to her door and knocked on it. She opened her door and let me in.

"I had a feeling you would be coming here..." she said mysteriously, pulling me inside her room.

"Psh... Well, duh, miss 'I can see the future'," I scoffed.

She narrowed her eyes. "Don't scoff at me, missy!"

I narrowed my eyes right back at her. "Or what?"

"Or I won't help you!"

"How do you even know what I'm going to do?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes. "You just said it yourself! Hello, future-seer here!"

"Oh. Yeah. Heh heh. Forgot."

"Uh-huh," she said. "Well, what is the plan, then?"

"Don't you know?" I asked.

"Yeah, but the people reading don't. How do you think they would feel if we just went, 'Hey, I got a plan!' 'I know! Let's go get supplies!' 'Okay! I'll get the explosives, you get the gasoline!' 'Okay!' and that was it?"

"They would probably be relieved that they didn't have to read all the tedious details."

"Well, too bad for them. Explain!"
I sighed. "Fine!"

"First, we wait for the cover of nightfall! Then we sneak into the garage and steal the dreaded Volvo! Then, and this is where you and your super strength come in, then we take it to an abandoned mine field and put it over an explosive. Then we get far, far, FAR back and throw a rock at it. It explodes. BOOM. Dead Volvo," I said proudly.

She just stared at me. "That won't work for several reasons."

"What? But—but—Why?" I sputtered.

"Well, I'll tell you. For one thing, the cover of nightfall thing won't work because we can see great in the dark. And Edward probably won't let you leave in the middle of the night to blow up his car. And I don't know where any abandoned mine fields are. Emmett might, but he would tell Rosalie."

I frowned. "You... are a murderer of fun! A... a... FUN SUCKER!"

"Oh, calm down! I have a better idea," she said.

"Fine, then. What is your brilliant plan, Oh Great One?" I grumbled.

"Well, we wait for Edward to go hunting, then we take his car, put it in a field—" I smiled. She frowned and said, "Not a mine field, Bella. A normal field. Then we take seventeen cans of gasoline and pour it on the inside and outside of the car. And then—this is where your part of the plan comes in—we light a rock on fire and throw it at the car. Then, here's another one of yours, it goes BOOM! Yay explosives!" she finished.

I smiled.

She smiled.

We all smiled.