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No Pruney Fingers Here

The Cullens and Bella decide to spend a day at the Forks Public Pool. Huzzah! Warning:THIS IS A CRACKFIC! If you don't like crackfics, don't read it. Post-Twilight, Pre-New Moon

My first fanfic... Rated Teen for some mild language and maybe some other stuff later = )

5. Chapter 5: Bella

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 758   Review this Chapter

I grimaced as I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. The sight of my pale, skinny body in a bathing suit was more than enough to make me want to run and hide in a windowless closet in a deserted corner of the earth. It didn’t help that I was going to be surrounded by seven beautiful vampires, three of which were absolutely perfect females. I was going to develop a serious inferiority complex if I kept hanging around them.

I looked at myself in the mirror, forcing myself not to go put on my dull grey, bulky, and holey sweats. It was just me that was the problem, I decided. The suit itself wouldn’t be so bad by itself or on, oh, say, Rosalie. It was a sage green one piece with a halter and a v-neck. Unfortunately, universally flattering doesn’t actually mean universally flattering. Unless I was some exclusion of the universe. I wondered where I could find a good swimsuit for a skinny, curve-less shape. It was probably impossible.

I sighed and pulled on a t-shirt and shorts, then cursed the world for its unfairness in bestowing body types. I put my hair in a ponytail and went downstairs to wait for Edward.

His sliver Volvo pulled up into my driveway a few minutes early. I opened the front door and ranbled (something Charlie says I do- a run/stumble sort of thing) out to meet him. He caught me just before I fell.

“Hello, Bella,” he murmured into my hair, breathing deeply. He kissed my forehead, then set me upright. I blushed.

He chuckled and said, “Are you ready? I know I’m early, but things were completely out of control at home. Emmett wouldn’t stop singing, and Jasper was making up these insane mottos.”

“Oh? What was yours?” I asked, curious.

He laughed again. “Mine was ‘Save the human, save the sanity of the entire vampiric world.’ Yours was ‘My boyfriend is a vampire.’”

It was my turn to laugh. “Yeah, that’s pretty much my motto. I go around saying that to everyone I meet. But I think ‘I came, I saw, I conquered’ might be more fitting for you.”

He scowled, and I remembered how much he hated being reminded of my willingness to fall in love with a vampire. I lamely attempted to change the subject.

“Um, so, Edward?”

“Yes, love?”

“Would you rather slide down a sixty foot slide or jump off a sixty foot diving board?”

He laughed. “I don’t think that’s much of an issue. I wasn’t aware that the Forks pool had either.”

“I know,” I said. “But if it did…which would you rather do?”

He was silent for a short moment, and then said, “Diving board. Water slides are too slow for me. Which would you pick?”

“Ugh, the slide,” I said instantly. “I’m terrified of heights. And I would probably do a belly flop anyways. If I ever got up the ladder, that is.”

He nodded. “Would you jump with me?” he asked casually.

“Of course,” I replied. “I would do anything for you.”

“You’re too good for me,” he whispered, pulling me into his arms. I stood and enjoyed it for a moment, then pulled back.

“Does this mean you wouldn’t subject yourself to the painful slowness of a slide for me?” I asked in mock disappointment.

He grinned crookedly and pulled me back towards him. “Of course I would, silly girl. I’d do anything for you.”

“You’re too good for me,” I whispered back.

“Hardly, Bella,” he snorted. “I’m not good enough for you.”

I didn’t bother to argue back. We had had this conversation before.

Edward and I stood there for a few minutes, not moving. Then he pulled away and glanced at his watch.

“Holy crow!” he exclaimed. “Bella, we need to go!”

We jumped into his car and drove towards the pool. I might as well have been driving; it took such a long time. Edward isn’t above speeding on deserted country roads, but he stays within a couple of miles of the speed limit when he’s driving in Forks. We were only a couple of minutes late, but the rest of the Cullens were already standing outside waiting for us. I saw Rosalie and caught my breath.

Edward smirked. “Oh. I forgot to tell you about Rosalie.”

I stared in incredulity. For once, I could look at Rosalie and not feel like the completely ugly, awkward human that I normally am. She looked extremely uncomfortable. She was still alarmingly pretty, but…