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No Pruney Fingers Here

The Cullens and Bella decide to spend a day at the Forks Public Pool. Huzzah! Warning:THIS IS A CRACKFIC! If you don't like crackfics, don't read it. Post-Twilight, Pre-New Moon

My first fanfic... Rated Teen for some mild language and maybe some other stuff later = )

8. Chapter 8:Rosalie

Rating 5/5   Word Count 858   Review this Chapter

I clenched my fists, willing myself not to destroy anything out of frustration. I wasn’t used to this. I always- always- looked perfect, no matter what I was doing. And now- now I looked like a...like a… a clown.

That’s right, a clown. Rosalie Lillian Hale is a big, blonde clown.

It’s not like I had a choice, though. It was either wear this, or not go swimming. And I couldn’t not go swimming, Emmett would pitch a fit. I had considered borrowing one of Alice’s or Esme’s swimsuits, but Alice was entirely too tiny and Esme only owned one, which she would obviously be wearing.

I closed my eyes and turned towards the mirror.

I don’t look that bad, I attempted to convince myself. It’snot that weird. I opened my eyes, praying that the goofball in the mirror had disappeared, leaving only my usual beautiful, fashionable self. It didn’t work.

I cannot believe how stupid I look! I screamed to myself.

I was wearing my bathing costume from my human life- puffy bloomers and a short sleeved tunic. I couldn’t fathom why this style had ever been popular. It was unbearably hideous. Unfortunately, my gorgeous new metallic gold monokini had disappeared, leaving me with no other option. I couldn’t let Emmett down by letting him in the water by himself. I made a sad face in the mirror. Suddenly, I sensed that Edward was reading my thoughts. I spun away from my mirror and mentally shouted:

Edward, get out of my head. I’m going to kill you!

I could hear him sniggering all the way in his room. I almost went to go dismember him, but I barely restrained myself.

I dropped down on the slightly dusty toilet lid just as Emmett began to yodel. We had gone to the Alps once for our honeymoon, and he never let me-or anyone else for that matter-forget it.

“Emmett, I told you to stop yodeling. We are not the Von Trapp Family!” I yelled. Of course, my reference to The Sound of Music got him started on show tunes. He began to hum ‘Maria.’ I almost exploded.

“Emmett! Hum ‘Maria’ one more time and I’m sending you to a convent!” I wasn’t really that mean- I would never be able to be happy without Emmett. He just drove me bananas sometimes.

I returned to my toilet seat reflections as Emmett thumped around our room. I jumped in surprise when he knocked on the bathroom door. It’s not like he had to go, or anything. He barged in before I had the chance to tell him to go away. I leapt to shut the door before he could see anything, but I was too late. His jaw dropped in surprise and probably disgust when he saw me. Then he started to crack up. I stared at him, appalled.

“Emmett, this is so not funny. If you didn’t have water issues, I wouldn’t even think about going out like this,” I yelled at him.

That sobered him up immediately. He seemed to be in some sort of zombie-like trance. I waved my hand in front of his face.

“Emmett? Hello?”

He turned and walked towards the stairs without acknowledging me. He broke into giggles again as he stomped down the stairs. I paused, gathering up my courage. I failed miserably and ran back into the bathroom.

“Esme!” I wailed. “Can you come here for a minute?” I heard her footsteps coming up the stairs. She knocked on the door and opened it slowly.

“Oh my,” she gasped, clearly shocked. “What is going on?”

I explained the whole story to her- how I couldn’t find my new suit, how I didn’t have time to get a new one, how I had found this one in the back of my closet. She nodded sympathetically and stroked my hair.

“It’s ok, Rose,” she said soothingly. “Just tell everyone it’s the latest fashion from Paris. What do they know? Besides, you’re beautiful no matter what you wear.”

I gave Esme a smile and a hug. She always knew what to say to make me feel better. I breathed deeply, and went downstairs to face a very amused Alice and Emmett, and a very confused Carlisle and Jasper. I put on a tough expression. Hopefully they would remember how dangerous a crabby Rosalie was.

Jasper and Carlisle were extremely surprised by my appearance. Emmett and Alice were extremely amused. I glared at them. Alice fell over, she was laughing so hard. She popped back up and came over to give me a hug.

“Oh, Rose, you know we’re not laughing at you…it’s just we haven’t seen you looking this uncomfortable since you discovered that Emmett had gotten a swirly right before you kissed him.”

I made a face. That had been disgusting.

“Ok, enough ogling. Can we go now?” I asked impatiently. For once, I couldn’t wait for Bella to take everyone’s attention. I was mortified beyond belief right now. To my relief, we all squeezed into Esme’s black Escalade and were on our way to spend a lovely afternoon at the Forks Public Pool.