Edward leaves Bella for the second time...
Bella has suffered so much already, barely able to be called human almost...
She tries once again to lead a normal life as if nothing had gone wrong...
But when she goes off to college and meets some interesting people who could help her change her eternity, will memories be enough for her to accept?
Rating 5/5 Word Count 1597 Review this Chapter
Everything felt wrong. It was like déjà vu once again. We walked down the street silently, away from the forest, his hand in mine. I knew what was going to happen. Not again. I barely survived through the first time, what made him think I was going to survive this?
I felt the creases in my heart begin to break; I didn’t know what to think. How? Could it be the same reason he had in the beginning?
We stopped abruptly in the middle of the street, the streetlights bright above us. “Bella,” he whispered, turning to face me. He pulled me into a hug; I was already beginning to shake desperately, sobs rocking throughout my fragile body.
“I’m so sorry,” he murmured into my hair for the last time. He pulled away; his eyes were that same cold flat beautiful diamond they had been then. I wonder if this was how he really felt, did he not love me? Or was it just a mask as it had been then. A lie, trained to break and empty out a person such as this. He did care, but the problem was that he cared too much. Too much for either ones own good. He cared so much about my soul that he would rather hurt himself and me in the process, than damn me himself.
I couldn’t speak, my throat constricted and locked at those words. Was he sorry? I knew to expect this. Either I was not enough for him, as I had never been, or he truly worried about my soul. Had he not learned from the past? I didn’t care! I couldn’t care! As long as I belonged to this angel and him to me, I did not care what happened to me at the end of this. If this was to truly damn me, it would be the most beautiful damnation ever to occur. For love, something so great that when something was sacrificed for it, nothing was regretted.
He touched me cheek gently. “Bella, this . . . can’t happen. It is . . . an impossibility. Bella, I think you know how much I care for you. I have never meant to hurt you Bella, but I cannot do this. This is not what I want to happen. You don’t deserve this-”
I opened my mouth to interrupt, but he placed his fingers on my lips. “And neither do I.”
That was it, there was no point in arguing, he had made up his mind. However, I couldn’t quite understand, was there a hidden lie to this? It sounded like the truth to me, but I would probably still believe him if he had told me my name was Pinocchio.
“Edward, I-I don’t . . . understand. What do you mean, you don’t deserve this?” I tried to keep a calm tone, but my voice broke as soon as I had opened my mouth to form the words. I panicked then. There was only one thing I could think of when he said that.
He took a deep breath and blew it back out in a frustrated fashion. He took one of my hands in both of his without consciously noticing before letting go. “Bella, do you think it would be fair if I had you hanging on my side for the rest of eternity? Do you think I would like to . . . waste your life like that?”
“Oh . . .,” I whispered, I finally understood. He did not want me around that long. How could he? I wasn’t worthy of anything, much less his love.
He placed both hands on my shoulders; I looked up at his perfect features, committing them to memory. This was definitely not the memory I wanted, but it was more than nothing. I would never forget this face; I would not allow myself to forget. I knew I would never love anyone the way I loved Edward, not even remotely close.
“Bella, promise me something, and mean it this time,” he spoke softly but in a demanding voice.
Anything. I would do everything and anything he asked of me, even if it ended up hurting me in the end. “I promise,” I whispered.
He stroked my cheek gently with the back of his hand, from my temple to my jaw, back and forth. I closed my eyes, savoring his touch for the last time, memorizing the feel and texture of his skin. “Thank you,” he breathed, kissing my forehead and then pulling back again. “Don’t do anything reckless or stupid, I would never forgive myself,” he said, naming my price.
“Edward?” I opened my eyes.
He looked back at me. I thought I saw agony flicker on his face, but he was too soon in composing it that I could not be sure it was pure imagination.
“In return, could you do me a favor?” I asked. I knew how much this would hurt later, but it didn’t matter. I was already dying inside, it wouldn’t matter much to increase the pain. I was now nothing but a shell. The shell of a person who used to be able to see her future with the other half of her soul by her side, forever complete, but no longer.
He just looked back at me, waiting for me to name that favor. He was not as dumb as to promise anything just yet.
“Tell me a lie, Edward. Tell me you love me. Kiss me just one last time. I don’t want to force you to do something you don’t want to, but please, for me,” I begged. The seams holding my heart together were fragile now, thin hairs, breaking away. I knew as soon as he walked out of site, the pieces would break apart, and I would truly be empty. I would fall into the catatonic stage I had once been in. No longer human, just a broken body. However, I wasn’t so sure that I would ever return.
He hesitated at first, taking one slow step at a time. He walked towards me and took my face in his hands. I closed my eyes. His lips touched to mine, moving forcedly - I believed - in those same familiar patterns. My arms go to the back of his neck and lock there, trying desperately to keep him there forever, until lack of breath did away with me.
His lips were hard, soft, fervent, gentle, all at the same time. I could see how he tried desperately to not make it panicked like the one we shared before he first had left me. He breaks our kiss, while our foreheads still touch together and wraps his arms around me. “I love you, Bella,” he whispered. And I believed him.
His arms slid off me and he stepped back, looking at me one last time. “Take care of yourself, Bella.”
“Wait,” I whispered, reaching for him with my hand, already weakening.
He turned back to face me, his expression frustrated somehow.
I took off the engagement ring and thrust it into his hand. “I can’t keep this,” I muttered, looking down at it for the last time.
Edward looked at it for a moment, and then took a last look at me, some unidentifiable expression spread out on his face.
Then, he turned around . . . and left.
* * *
Just as I predicted.
As soon as his car had turned the corner, as soon as the fantasy had disappeared, I collapsed.
* * *
“Bella, Bella,” someone repeated, over and over as they gently nudged me. Trying to wake me up, I presumed. Hoping for a sign of life, one that I hoped I could not give.
I felt something wet and cool press against my forehead.
“Bella, please,” they whispered in my ear again. “Please, don’t do this to any of us. Please . . . ,” they pleaded.
I wished I weren’t alive right now. When I couldn’t be alive for the people I loved. To watch them suffer because I was suffering was too much. I already could not handle the pain, rippling in pulses and waves as it came. My heart truly torn now.
Maybe it had been a bad idea to ask Edward to kiss me. But I knew it hadn’t. Memories fade. And I did not want to loose any of them. Not the ones when he actually “loved” me anyway.
Maybe, just maybe, he had loved me once upon a time. Maybe, like memories, his love had faded, until there was no point in continuing to be with me.
But I had to believe he still cared.
“Bella, please wake up,” they continued, pressing the cool object on my cheek then placing it just below my neck. “Bella, please let us know you’re okay,” a different voice, this time female, whispered urgently.
I was not awake enough at the moment, but I heard them.
“No! This is about my soul, isn’t it?” We were in the forest, that last time, arguing back and forth, as he tried to tell me he was leaving. “Carlisle told me about that, and I don’t care, Edward. I don’t care! You can have my soul. I don’t want it without you - it’s yours already!”I remember what his eyes had done then, turned cold, just like real gold as he explained what he really wanted. “Bella, I don’t want you to come with me.”
“You . . . don’t . . . want me?”
But at least I had tried to change his mind then. I hadn’t whispered a plea to him at all. I had only asked for a kiss. A complete and utter lie is what I had begged him for.
A lie. What good came from a lie?
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