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Edward leaves Bella for the second time...
Bella has suffered so much already, barely able to be called human almost...
She tries once again to lead a normal life as if nothing had gone wrong...
But when she goes off to college and meets some interesting people who could help her change her eternity, will memories be enough for her to accept?


15. Deeper Reading

Rating 5/5   Word Count 815   Review this Chapter

“Bella, open the door.” Charlie, frantically knocking on the Black’s wooden restroom door, he hadn‘t stopped since he started. “Bella, please. You’ve been in there for half an hour, come out.”

I didn’t reply to his constant pleading, knocking, or worried statements. I wanted to be left alone.

The rush that had accompanied my outburst, a burst of alerted senses and quite incomprehensible feelings had dulled and now was only a simmering upon my skin, little waves rolling over my body and encrusting themselves into form, an icy shell. Numbness once again.

I felt cold, and now that I had put everything out there, left hanging in the air when I had run out of ways to explain things to the ruthless hypocrite. It was worthless, now I had nothing in me. I could feel myself going into the closed-over state I had explored times before. Dark, dark. The simple act of being alive was my accomplishment.

“Bella . . .,” Jacob now. I drowned out the voices, closed my eyes, and drifted.

“Bella, Bella.”

I smiled at Edward’s scolding. “What?”

“You know you shouldn’t have soda,” he stated, the unforgettable crooked smile dancing on his face. He seemed to be laughing at something.

My expression.

“You said, that if I came ¾ which I did,” I put emphasis on his condition, “¾ that I could get whatever I wanted.”

Both Alice and Edward had dragged me to the nearest fair . . . in California. Surprisingly enough, Alice had predicted an overcast sky throughout the day, just jumping up and down and telling me exactly how much fun I was going to have.

“True. However, I was referring to the games and the prizes they offer,” he said, matter-of-factly, the grin still in place.

I placed the soda on a nearby flat surface, wrapping my arms around his neck and reaching up on my tip-toes to press my lips to his. “I’ve already won the grand prize . . .”

“Bella, please. I know this is hard for you but come out honey. They understand.”

Again, that word. Like they could truly grasp the meaning of losing an eternity. A million lifetimes worth of love offered, only to be taken back in less than one. My arms hugged my knees to my chest. Keep still . . . Do not allow them victory. Don’t.

I rocked myself back and forth, trying to grab onto the strands of pain that whistled steadily away. My hands reached out to the invisible strings.

My eyes widened greatly, a bright light piercing them in a second, leaving me to behold a new image.

It was the carnival, Edward’s bedroom, the meadow, the forest . . . Edward shivering mirthlessly on the frozen soil. And then my life flashed before me, to the last day I lived, my death.

“Bella, this . . . can’t happen. It is . . . an impossibility. Bella, I think you know how much I care for you. I have never meant to hurt you Bella, but I cannot do this. This is not what I want to happen. You don’t deserve this-”

I opened my mouth to interrupt, but he placed his fingers on my lips. “And neither do I.”

I saw his face, his expression. I was that day, too shocked to hear anything but the words he spoke. I did not hear the meaning . . . the actual message behind it. Now I heard something different.

“I won’t do this to you. Though you do not care for it at this time, I won’t take away your true life. I won’t take away your soul. You do not deserve an empty heart, and though it’s far too late for my heart, I’d like to believe, that, by disagreeing to your damnation, I can slowly earn a spot in heaven.” and then I heard an undertone, a whispered message “Where we can truly be together.”

It was the moon’s cycle all over again, though prolonged. He had been under the dark for so long . . .

I wiped at my dry eyes, picking myself up from the tiled floor. I tucked the loose strands of hair into place, smoothing my shirt with my sweaty palms. I reached out and turned the handle on the door, opening it to reveal Charlie between one of his “helping words”, Jacob on the floor beside the door.

I smiled. “Sorry I took so long.”

They didn’t say anything, and I took the opportunity to head out to the edge of the reservation. Maybe I could find someone to give me a ride back to Charlie’s place. I continued walking, at last reaching the main road to Forks.

And then I heard Jacob’s footsteps, his even breathing. “Where are you going now? Are you not going to stay a little longer at least. We haven’t even gotten out the dessert!”

I turned around to see him, taking a deep breath and exhaling it immediately. “I’m going to get some answers.”