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Edward leaves Bella for the second time...
Bella has suffered so much already, barely able to be called human almost...
She tries once again to lead a normal life as if nothing had gone wrong...
But when she goes off to college and meets some interesting people who could help her change her eternity, will memories be enough for her to accept?


4. Time

Rating 4/5   Word Count 628   Review this Chapter


I couldn’t believe how much faster the time passed when I was undergoing my studies. I had a major in business and a minor in English. I had been accepted to Dartmouth after all, but tuition was much more affordable in the University of Alaska Southeast, where I had previously planned on going to.

I had ended up taking a job at the campus library - where I could be surrounded with books - to help out with money troubles.

I shouldn’t have been so surprised. Of course it was colder in Alaska.

I would have stayed in Washington, but I was restless all the time, wondering if he would come back. Of course he wouldn’t, especially not for me. However, it made me anxious at the thought. What if he did?

But I also didn’t want to go to some all-the-time-sunny type of place. I wanted to go elsewhere, where it didn’t seem so impossible for him to be real. Therefore, to Alaska I drifted.

I lived at a nearby apartment, not nearly as nice as the dorm rooms, but not too shabby either. Or as expensive.

This way, I could be alone as I pleased. Not many people lived at the building; it was not loud. Sometimes I felt completely isolated. But it didn’t bother me so much.

Sometimes I allowed myself to think of him. The way the force of his eyes would make me swoon, the way his crooked smile had once made my heart stop and restart on instant, the way his cold hard lips had driven me crazy, made me faint, loose control. And the way he would say he loved me; hold me, humming to me while I drifted to sleep.

And sometimes, I forced him out of my head. Sometimes it was too much, and I would fall ashamed to the ground. I didn’t know anymore which I preferred, the numbed pain or the one I felt all the time now, worse, I‘m sure, than the transformation itself.

I was not sure if I was healing at all. I did not think time would do much for me.

But I tried to be strong.

I tried to be strong for Charlie, René e, Jacob, Angela, even Mike now. I knew they could see through the mask though.

Mike and I had grown to be very good friends, he had stopped trying so hard after all. And when, at first, being with Jacob hadn’t helped - not with Maria there anyway - he had been there, as a friend. Much like Angela.

They had both drifted to college of course, starting a new chapter in there lives. Jacob was about to graduate now. I would be going to that of course.

Charlie was happy for me for the most part, but I had also heard him mutter something about killing Edward one of those first days.

I think I had almost smiled. Almost.

I hadn’t made any attempts at killing myself. I had made a promise to Edward, one that I would take to the grave.

But I wondered if it would even matter much to him anymore. Not that I would go through with it. Of course not. My family meant too much to me in order to do that. However, I think they would understand.

I had not made many friends here. I was too quiet in order to progress on that much. Always depressed now it seems.

That was partly why I had chosen a job at the library of course. I didn’t talk at all. Just read books and worked on papers that were soon to be due while I scanned the books that were being checked out.

I felt like a ghost. There, but not quite there at the same time. Like nothing would change if I suddenly went missing, no one would notice.