Edward leaves Bella for the second time...
Bella has suffered so much already, barely able to be called human almost...
She tries once again to lead a normal life as if nothing had gone wrong...
But when she goes off to college and meets some interesting people who could help her change her eternity, will memories be enough for her to accept?
6. Moving On
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I sucked in a deep breath, extending my hand out toward him slowly. I hesitated just before tapping him on the back. “Excuse me,” I muttered under my breath.
Eliar turned around, shock overtaking his face as he noticed whom it was. He looked over my shoulder and turned around, searching to see if it could have been anyone else.
Eliar and I did not talk much, strictly work-wise. He had asked me out a couple of times, and I had politely declined, but . . . in my quest to move on, sacrifices had to be made. “You want to go to lunch or something, sometime?” I asked him, nervous about the possibility of rejection.
Eliar had always been nice to me. He was like . . . I don’t know, just a friend. Someone you could ask for help with something. His brown eyes grew wide when the question slipped from my lips. “You’re asking me out?” his voice croaked, incredulous at the sudden turn of events. He ran a hand through his dark hair, still looking around as if the shock just couldn’t be shaken away.
I smiled sheepishly, “Yeah.” I tried to make my voice bright.
He probably thought I was on some type of medication. He shook his head.
I frowned. Darn, maybe I should have decided to move on much earlier, when he had asked me. “Oh,” I exhaled, trying not to let the disappointment show, “that’s fine then.” I turned away, walking straight toward the exit. Breath in, breath in, I chanted in my head. Why was rejection hitting so hard this time? It had been so much worse times before, why did it matter now?
Maybe it was just the state my heart was in, that rejection was like the shadow of the tears it had once received.
“Wait, no!” His hand clamped down on my shoulder and he stepped in front of me, taking hold of my shoulders. “No, sorry. I meant to say yes, I just - I was clearing my head. I wasn’t expecting that.”
My frown disappeared. “So. . . .” I was at a loss for words, not having prepared myself to have to say any more then that. I looked away, racking my brain for anything to say . . . and not finding a thing.
“Umm,” Eliar seemed to be stuck as well. I bit my lip to keep from laughing.
Charlie would be proud. I haven’t been in such high spirits in . . . too long. It felt weird, I’m sure as weird as I was acting right about now. Maybe it was because I had finally decided to move on, no longer biding my time trying to . . . feel okay about it. Maybe it was best if I let memories fade. . . . Of course I would never forget about Edward, how could I?
He had been and still is my first love. He had been my first real boyfriend, my first everything. There was no escaping that. No forgetting it.
“So . . . lunch?” Eliar asked, snapping me out of my reverie.
I looked back up at him, putting a smile on my face. “Yeah, lunch would be great.”
“Great,” he smiled, his lips stretching across his face, teeth showing and everything. “So, umm . . . I’ll meet you in the cafeteria later today, would that be fine?”
“Yeah,” I stuttered, my mind still drifting away at random moments. “I’ll meet you there.”
He surprised me by giving me a hug and then sprinted away, book in hand.
“Eliar!” I called back to him.
He turned around, gleaming. “What?”
“You kind of forgot to check out the book.” I laughed, watching as his puzzled expression melted away. He looked down, having forgotten all about it and slowly walked back towards the counter.
“Right,” he mumbled, looking away as a light blush colored his cheeks. “Sorry.”
I smiled again and scanned the book for him, handing it back. “See you later.”
I exhaled in relief, sitting back down in the wooden chair that was assigned to me. Something was clearly wrong with me.
My mood was driving me insane lately. One minute I would be the lowliest of sad, depressed to an extreme and the next minute I’d be souring high. I couldn’t think coherently anymore. The thought of me being crazy was not that off.
I leaned back in the chair, pressing myself against it deeper and deeper, wishing it would swallow me whole.
I was beginning to wish James had finished me off in the very beginning. At least then, I could’ve died content, happy even.
* * *
I walked into the café, watching the bustling line dissipate and reform with hungry people.
My eyes roamed the place, looking for Eliar. I don’t think I had ever eaten here. Going instead to my little apartment for some alone time, not wanting to sit at an empty table having others who actually ate here, staring at me, wondering who the friendless weirdo was.
I spotted him at a table near the south-wall facing the windows towards where the cold waters lay. He smiled at me and waved, gesturing to the food in front of him, having already gotten me some.
I smiled and walked over to him, sitting down on the plastic chair to his left. “You didn’t have to do that, you know. I brought some food myself.”
“Yeah, but it’s a date. So . . . I got you some lasagna - you look like the kind that likes lasagna -, a chocolate-chip cookie, some lemonade, and some bread.” He pushed a Styrofoam tray in my direction and bottled lemonade.
“Thanks,” I muttered, looking down at the table.
Memories flooded my head. Images of junior year corrupting my thoughts.“Does he mean you?” Jessica asked, looking at Edward as he motioned me to join him.
“Maybe he needs help with his Biology homework,” . . . “Um, I’d better go see what he wants.”
I walked to his table, pausing behind the chair across from him. I remembered the way he looked. Smiling, more beautiful than reality could possibly allow.
“Why don’t you sit with me today?” he had asked, looking up from where he sat, his eyes playing havoc with by heart.
I sat down, waiting for something to happen. He didn’t say anything so I broke the silence. “This is different . . . .”
“You okay?” Eliar asked, breaking through the haze of my mind.
“Yeah, I’m fine . . . just . . . .,” I trailed off, not knowing what to say. “So, how have you been lately?” I asked him, looping around and hoping he would forget about my weird behavior.
He took it as cue to drop the question and sipped out of his drink. “Good, good,” he replied, the look of curiosity never leaving his eyes.
I was going to continue in this general direction of conversation until he spoke up. “Why suddenly the change of mind?” he asked.
I looked at him, my head snapped up, this was just the kind of question I was hoping to ignore. “What do you mean?” I muttered darkly, speaking fast.
He looked at me funny, looking relaxed. I’m sure I was stiff as hell.
“I’m just saying. I’ve been trying to get you to go on a date for . . . I don’t even know how long anymore. And you were always so quite and sad. . . . Why suddenly so happy?” He backtracked. “Not that I don’t want you to be happy or anything err . . . just why the sudden mood change? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile this much. Did you win the lottery or something?” he pressed, leaning forward now as if he were really interested all of a sudden.
“Sorry,” he muttered, having lost control of his mouth. “Am I asking too much? Is it something personal?” The questions just seemed to pour out of his mouth in an endless stream, never quite finished.
I held up my hands, palms forward, trying to halt his rambling questions.
I took a deep breath. “It’s okay,” I murmured, almost inaudibly.
“So what happened?” he continued, clamping his mouth shut immediately after that to keep from having another word-overflow. His voice was softer now, concern tinting it.
I took a deep breath, dropping my hands into my lap. “I decided to move on,” I whispered.
“From what?” His voice was a whisper, too.
I looked down at my hands, fidgeting uncomfortably in my seat.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” he said.
“It’s okay,” I repeated, looking anywhere I could but at him.
“In high-school there was this guy and - “
“Did he hurt you?” he interrupted, his voice sounding slightly angry, worried for the most part for now though.
“No!” I gasped, a little to loudly. The people in hearing distance turned around to stare at me. I looked away, embarrassed and lowered my voice so only Eliar could hear me. “No, it’s not that - well not exactly,” I started.
“Then what?” he breathed.
“Well, it’s just . . . . We kind of - well we were together for about two years and it was great, he actually asked me to marry him - and I accepted.” This was clearly not what he had expected to hear. His frown verified that. I continued anyway, “But . . . some time before the wedding he . . . left. And . . . I haven’t really been able to forget about it. I haven’t really been able to move on. And - it’s just . . . hard,” I exhaled, happy to be able to let this out. It was a step in the right direction, if I wanted to move on, I had to accept the fact that it was . . . - I gulped - over.
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