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Dream On spin off-my style!

If you haven't read Charmingal's Dream On, (which you should ;D ) this won't make much sence, so go check out her brilliant readings too, ok? Basically, we've (we meaning me and a few other idiots/clever peoples alike) moved to the not-so-sunny town of Forks, and by the magic of fan-fiction have ended up finding the Vampires and Werewolves! This is my side of the story (Looney's view), hopefully with extra madness, weirder humour, and rib-cracking...although I don't take responsibility for any Doctor bills...

you wanted to do this of your own free will you poor, poor person


Rating 5/5   Word Count 1997   Review this Chapter

I started to casually stroll down the stairs, but before I could, someone whipped past me in a torrent of hair. I blinked, watching as the blur sprinted down the stairs, jumping the last few to arrive in a tidy crouch.

I would have thought it was Lexhen, but the person running down the next hallway didn’t have scorching red hair.

I hurried after Tolley, knowing full well that she wanted one last glance at Jasper. However, I went at a slightly slower pace.

As I came down, I heard Edward’s smooth, velvet voice talking, and I paused to eaves-drop.

“You’d better believe it!” He chuckled, before ruffling Tolley’s hair. He might want to be careful, vampire or not, she’d eat his arm off.

But to my surprise, she rolled her eyes.

So he was allowed to get away with it but not me!

“Hey, I am not immature!” He said in surprise to her. I cocked my head to the side. If anyone was immature it was the owners of this house.

Well, I might as well be his knight-in-shining-armour now then.

“Definitely not…” I purred. If it wasn’t for the fact that a beautiful vampire was on the end of my words, I would have gagged. So, I actually purred, wrapping my arms around his waist in a protective way. Either way, I couldn’t help but sliding my hand slowly down his back…

He smiled down at me, and my heart throbbed painfully. He slowly pressed his winter cold lips to mine, at the same time, catching my hands to wrap them around his neck. I growled playfully in my throat.

Out of the corner of my brain, where it was still working slightly, I heard Tolley snuggling into Jasper’s arm, and then they started talking. I only just managed to hear the words. ‘Emotions pouring off of them …or was it ‘potions to distract them’? Maybe they were for the world domination plans?

Then I lost it, and was too entranced in the kissing to do much else than pulling Edward as close as I could. Perhaps it was better that they were talking. The position I was hugging against Edward wasn’t one that should be seen by all people. Or the faint hearted. Or an angry mob of Edward-fans.

Before I knew it, his arms were frozen and pulled away. I snapped my eyes open in time to see him being forcefully pulled away by Jasper. I reached out my hand in a desperate attempt to touch him, but then ran to the window.

As he walked around the car, I was at a much better view to see his back.

As he pulled away and drove onto the road smoothly, I realised that meant I had my head to myself again. I smiled. Back to Edward and his trouser-less-ness.

Hmm. My stomach growled inside me, and I felt my brow furrow. I was in the mood for food. Now should I have the raspberry swirl that Lexhen hid in her room, or the chocolate fudge? My mouth watered hungrily.

Something snapped in front of my eyes. For one wild moment I thought that the hotdog I had just imagined was talking to me.

“Helen. I need to talk to you.” Damn she was using my real name. If she gave away my secret identity…!

I ignored her. Maybe if I wished hard enough she’d disappear. Didn’t I have some disappearing bombs somewhere?

“Looney, if you help me out, I’ll give you your money back, plus an extra $10…” I perked up considerably at this.

I needed money.

To buy food.

“Say you’ll make some of your famous, prize-winning triple chocolate brownies and it’s a deal.”

“Sure” She shrugged, and handed me $30. Something was up. Either she was desperate for this talk, or she had a plan up her sleeve. Either way, I ran into the kitchen, and grabbed the hidden Lemon cake from earlier, shoving the first slice in whole.

“Hey, you can make those brownies whilst we’re talking!” I had only just managed to say around the next slice.

“Well, ok, but I’ll have to pop down to the supermarket first. We’d better go to the one in Port Angeles.”

“Do we have to?” I whined. I looked at the clock. It suddenly turned into a donut. I think I needed to see someone about this. “It’s… Umm, what does the clock say?”

“Looney, can’t you tell the time?”

“Umm… Yes? I mean no. Umm… Bananas?” Bananas? What the hell was I on? I had turned around to look at Tolley, and in her space stood a banana, the only relevance to her being that it had legs and arms.

I think I really need to be checked up on. Really, really needed to.

The banana, I mean Tolley, stared off into space, before wandering outside, talking to itself-I mean herself about ‘Jasper and all that chocolate sauce?’

I stared after the yellow blob, and gasped as the toaster turned to look at me strangely.

“EAATTT MEEE!” it screeched. I cocked my head to the side, and walked over to it. I flicked myself. Then pinched my skin. It hurt, so that meant I wasn’t going high off air again.

I sighed heavily. One thing to do then. I scrunched up my fingers into a fist and swung it back, before smashing the toaster. It stopped screaming, and everything melted out of candy land.

Then I started hopping up and down with my hand between my legs, trying not to yell. There was also a huge dent in the toaster. It seemed that now, they were made to fight back.

I took a look at it after whipping my eyes of tears and turned it to face the opposite way. There, now Tolley would know nothing.

I skipped happily out of the door again, but at the same time, suddenly felt really light. That was strange. I felt…floaty. I raised an eyebrow as I closed the door with a click of my key. Lexhen wouldn’t know that she was locked inside…

“So, how we gonna get there?” I sang.

“You know how.” She grinned at me. Together, we clicked the bases of our wonderful converse and yelled “THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE THE SUPER-MARKET!”

“Well, by the miracle of fan fiction we are now at the supermarket! So can we please hurry up and get the ingredients you need to bake brownies so I can go home and watch the camera footage from Edward’s room?!?” I asked, hurrying along with her while she carried a magical green basket.

“What?” She was off in Tolley-town again. But crap, what if she realised what I was saying?

“Umm… did I say watch camera footage? I meant do my German homework. Ja, das ist gut! Jawohl! Nothing to do with cameras. Not me-I better change the subject though. What if she knew I was secretly hoping to see Edward doing naked push-ups? Wait-damn it vampire’s don’t need to work out.” I was babbling, but somewhere in me I couldn’t help myself to just keep spitting it all out. Instead I concentrated on her smiling face.

I grinned slyly, suddenly knowing what she was so happy about.

“Sooo… You and Jasper huh? I mean, it’s not like we didn’t see that coming, after all, you’ve been obsessed with him for ages, but quite honestly Tolley, and please don’t take offence, but I really didn’t think you had it in you…”


Damn her and her stupid not-listening-skills. It was Jasper’s fault. If she wasn’t careful, she’d drop all her stuff on the floor.

As if on cue, the chocolate chips fell to the floor. I rolled my eyes, but a startling white arm got there seconds before me. I glanced up quickly, her caramel brown hair billowing down her back.

“I believe these are yours?” She asked sweetly.

“Umm… Y-Yeah, thanks.”

As I took a glance at Tolley, I think she must have been thinking about me taking my sexy-wonderful-beautiful-mind-reading-Vampire-boyfriend’s ability. I barrelled past her, with a shriek that sounded vaguely like: “ESMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” I think…

I hugged her tightly to me, and then we both started jumping up and down squealing. Although it was mostly me who was squealing. I laughed as people turned to look at me and the young beautiful cough vampire cough who probably thought there was something wrong with me. Like I wasn’t used to that.

“It’s been too long!” I squeaked as the crowds left us alone.

“You saw me at the house earlier.” She pointed out.

“Buuuut-ooh look, Tolley has disappeared.” I flicked my head around rather fast. I think the being around unnaturally fast creatures was doing something to me.

“We better find her.” She said, wheeling her trolley.

“Before she hurts herself.” I nodded with her. “Now if I was a Tolley, where would I hide?”

Esme looked at me as we wheeled out of the isle.

“Hang on, let me use my awesome ninja skills to find her!” I yelped.

“Ninja skills?”

“To the Fruit and vegetables Spiderman!” I shouted and sprinted forwards. I only caught her murmur of “Ninja skills? Spiderman?” as I sprinted down the washing up isle. They also seemed to have a good stock of toilet paper here. That could be useful if I ever wanted to mummify Dodger again, I made a mental note.


“Looney…” she seemed awkward. I wonder why?

“Tolley, Esme is coming round our house for ‘tea’, alright?” I used the little bunny quotes at the ‘tea’ part. Cause I’m clever! I carefully leaned forwards, she looked nonplused. “She’s a Vampire too! Isn’t this groovy-ness!” Hmm, I’d have to ask Tasha to stop using her words near me.

“Uhh… can’t she come some other time?” Her face was at an odd angle, and I suddenly knew what she was thinking about. On cue, her eyebrow twitched slightly at the same time she jutted out her bottom lip. I don’t think she’d realised that she did that whenever she thought of that subject.

“Nope!” I exclaimed excitedly, before I explained to the confused Esme. “Oh, Esme, Tolley’s just upset ‘cos she hasn’t had the chance to clean up. Her mum was the same, but Tolley never used to care. I swear though, ever since her mum died, she’s been absolutely obsessed with cleaning. It’s just weird!”

Esme gasped at this information. Everyone had. Even I had. But you had to get past the weirdness, and make her feel comfortable. If you didn’t she’d feel awkward all the time, or I was sure she would have.

“Looney!” She reprimanded sternly “You know better than to taunt me about my psychological trauma and many mental disorders!” I could see in her eyes she was slightly worried about me telling everyone so outright, but I could see some humour in there too, so I carried on.

“Psychological trauma? Mental disorders?” Esme looked shocked.

“Yeah, Tolley here has more Mental disorders than the rest of the world put together, don't cha Tolls?” Tolley’s face crumpled into an evil stare. I grinned.

“Be very careful Looney, you’re treading on thin ice…” Instead of stopping, I decided to tell the whole story. I could have written a biography on her already. I remembered all her little problems and everyone else in the house. You sort of had to. But me, no problems here! I mentally tapped myself on the head, forgetting all about the little episode with the toaster already.

“See, there’s the obvious Obsessive compulsive and Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, but then there’s also Avoidant Personality Disorder, Narcolepsy, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Cyclothymiacs Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder… The list goes on!” Tolley turned to the checkout. I followed behind her, still talking about getting a lift home. Then I think I turned my attention to a flower on the wall. This led onto me talking about my dressing gown and the Narnia wardrobe.

See, nothing wrong with me!