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Dream On spin off-my style!

If you haven't read Charmingal's Dream On, (which you should ;D ) this won't make much sence, so go check out her brilliant readings too, ok? Basically, we've (we meaning me and a few other idiots/clever peoples alike) moved to the not-so-sunny town of Forks, and by the magic of fan-fiction have ended up finding the Vampires and Werewolves! This is my side of the story (Looney's view), hopefully with extra madness, weirder humour, and rib-cracking...although I don't take responsibility for any Doctor bills...

you wanted to do this of your own free will you poor, poor person


Rating 5/5   Word Count 3261   Review this Chapter

I cleared my throat slightly

"Ehem. I would like to thank first my wonderful talented friends, who have shaped me to who I am. I would like to thank all the boyfriends, the failures, and the one winner who, finally, wasn't a jackass. I would like to thank all the food which shaped me even more than my friends did literally. But most off all, I'd like to thank-"


"No...Actually there is no mention of 'BUZZZING' in my notes...Buzz Light-year maybe? No, no mention of him either." I lifted my notes in my hand, showing the waiting crowd the doodles and arrows all over the pages. "No mention of it in my acceptance speech of world domina-"


"Okay- okay! I can add Buzz in if you give me a minute- please don't-"



"Helen! Wake up-please!"

I shot upright in bed and shook my head.

"Wow, since when did world domination acceptance speeches get so tough?" I remarked, slamming down on the alarm, which shut up its buzzing.

"You worry me." He chuckled, ruffling my hair softly. I nuzzled into his hand and sighed happily.

"I worry me too, what cha' gonna' do 'bout it?" I grinned.

"I have my plans." He moved, only slightly, but I caught the movement. He really did have plans then.

"They something centred about this bed? It’d be difficult on a couch after all." I smirked.

"Marriage first." I scowled, diving under the covers, and finding the wonderful view of vampire butt. Oh yes, mornings were definitely high on my list.

"So why did my alarm go off- it's not like we have anything going on today-OHMYGOSH WE HAVE SCHOOL!" I shot up again, then groaned and flumped back on the bed. "Screw school."

"I'd rather not."

"No, I have some more interesting ideas too-" I smiled happily and rolled over lazily, wrapping my hands around my shirtless vampire. "But it takes two to tango..."


"Let's see here; Lunch, books, locker keys, vampire." I counted off each item, and waved my keys in Edward's face. "And a homemade excuse not of absence for Tolley. Curse Dodger for being on time to school."

"I did try to get you up love." Edward-yet again, reminded me, fiddling with the hem of his jacket in a way-too-cute way for me to find embarrassing.

"But you were half asleep as it was-and then..." He turned around and busied himself with the already mile-high washing by the sink.

I grinned happily at the memory of only an hour or so ago. Although convincing him had been another thing. He was dead-set on the 'no more until marriage' speech. Even though, morally right, I agreed with him, it wasn't like we could turn the clocks back and undo it all. And...He was the right-right guy too and-

Just as my mind started on another trail of though (I won't put it down for you poor readers-it gets bad enough) I snapped back to the matter in hand.

"So that's everything. Remind me why we have to go to school?" I sighed

"Because you still need to learn." In a movement too fast for my (stupid) human eyes to see, he was behind me, brushing my hair away from my neck and rescuing the bag from falling off my shoulder.

"I could learn a lot more here. Think of all the different-"

"Do not complete that sentence."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't think we can afford to be any later to school with any more of our love-making, and it shows my incompetence to keep you occupied, other than resorting to the bedroom, and my own...failing restraint around you." He pulled me to the door while I repeated what he'd said in my head.

"Actually I was thinking of the cheats on the PS3, but you're option sounds good too!"

"Please Helen. No more sex until marriage. It isn't...right. That was how I was brought up, in my time. That's how it should have been."

"No, it was more along the lines of absolutely no s-e-x until a wonderful woman came along, stole you're breath away and you were courteously wed." I pretended to curtsy. "Then you had wild passionate s-e-x together."

"Why are you so afraid to say sex to me?" He asked suddenly, sure enough distracting me from the ominous sound that 'wedding' was doing to my head.

"Because Tolley's here and she's kill me!"

"She's not here love..."

"No but the walls tell her everything..." I whispered, covering my mouth so the walls couldn't lip-read my answer, just to be on the safe side.

We made it to school in record time, still having a few moments to relax before the bell rang, in Edward's Volvo. Although, the whole time I'd tried (and failed) to convince him to use the Vanquish instead, next time. (And not just 'cause of the extra legroom in the backseat)

I handed in the note, with only a slightly funny look from the receptionist. I blamed Esme-she'd written it.

The rest of the day, up until chemistry, went as smoothly as could be expected. Getting lost: three times. Purposely tripping: once. Tripping on air: nine times...

I was busy listing away inside my head, I wasn't really concentrating on the fact that the huge, and extremely lethal metal railing being moved around the side of the class room. It was meant for some experiment, but, the Bella in me couldn't risk the chance of not getting clumsy.

Sure enough, as the tubes and wires rounded past my desk on the way to the front (I had the wonderful seat to myself), it ran over a bump in the floor, jolting the skittering wheel, and tipping what felt like a tonne of metal slicing into my hand.

Amazingly, I didn't scream. It was more of a shriek-into-a-whimper thing. However the blood, and the giant slice in my skin-yeah that hurt a whole lot.

"Ow." I muttered. “Can you err...get it off." All the while in my head I continued to curse Bella, the lack of friends in my chemistry class, and the purpose of school anyway.

By the time they'd managed to take me to the first-aid part of the school, the metal sufficiently removed, seeing as it only cut my skin open, rather than any nasties getting stuck in it, the blood had created quite a cool pattern across the lab, and to the room, which of course was located across the other side of the school. It didn't help that the whole class wanted to flock around so it looked like a procession as I was dragged by the teacher. I think one of the guys-Eric maybe? Fainted from the blood, and I was supremely jealous. Maybe when you fainted you didn't get embarrassed this much?

"Can I just have a plaster and ska-doodle?" I asked the receptionist, who was wiping off the blood with something that smelt funny.

"I'm afraid you'll need something more than a plaster, dear."

"Two plasters then?" I pleaded. "Then I'll go and hop along home."

"You'll need to go to the hospital. It could be infected." I was told. Or rather spoken over. The receptionist seemed to have a thing for the chemistry teacher as they both kept touching hands when they were trying to clean me, and catching each others eyes. I scowled. I didn't need to puke on top of things!

“No-Sir said that it would be fine-seeing as he'd gone and neutralised all the equipment. You know, heating it up so it’s all sterilized and hygienically disinfected.”

“Yes, as long as you don't intend to sue the school-”


“Well, I'll be in Miss' Cope's office for a while. Talking over...matters.” They both left me; the rest of the class ogling through the windows with there faces up against the windows. Mike Newton had already made a scarily pink, get well soon card, or a 'get we' card, seeing as he was still scribbling in highlighter.

Great. And now I was bored.

“I spy with my little eye, something beginning with… ‘f’. Ooh is it the First-Aid-Room? Yes it is! I’m clever at this game. Okay, my turn. I spy with my little eye, something beginning with ‘f’. It’s not First Aid Room again? No. Is it the floor? Yep! Okay, I spy with my little eye, something beginning with… ‘B’!”

At that moment the door swung open, and I watched, entertained, as two of the kids outside ran out of the way, before realising who had just walked through. Oh dear-

“Blood.” He whispered.

“Edward- out!” I pointed with my good, arm clutching the other one behind me, towards the door. “I may not sing for you, but you damn well get out now!”

He shook his head furiously and came closer. “Who did this?”

“It was an accident! It’s nothing!” I grabbed the roll of paper from my side and pressed it to the line, running from under my index finger, past my wrist, to stop half way along my arm. “See nothing.” I muttered, cursing at the pain. Okay dabbing better than shoving absorbent roll onto it.

“Nothing! Helen I can smell you’re blood all around the school!”

“Blame the school for the rubbish layout then! It’s not like it’s a lot of blood!” I’m fine Edward.” I tried to keep my hand still. “But it’s too bloody bad it’s on my left hand.” I frowned.

“I’m taking you back to the house. No more school-you were right. You’re more disaster prone than any Bella.”

“Yay-wait. I haven’t punched any werewolves yet! And I’m not disaster prone! I was hardly any disaster spare the mental kind back in England!”

I didn’t have a choice to use my method of staying at school, which was going to be grabbing onto a chair and refusing to let go, before he’d scooped me up into his arms and was marching me out of the office.

“It’s only one scar.” I tried to reason. “Don’t send me to the hospital-I’ve never even been before! I’m a good girl-I don’t get ill or attacked! And it’s not even hurting anymore see!” I poked it happily “Ow-okay that did, but-”

“No more.” He said angrily, running as quickly as he could at human speed. “You’ll go back to our house and get cleaned up. I’ll call Carlisle around to check up on you. It’ll need a bandage at the very least.”

“You kidding, just a plaster and a kiss to make it better nothing else need be used-” I was carefully lowered into the seat; had my belt wrapped around me, before I could protest.

“Oh no. I am staying right here Edward! I’ve sat in that office for over an hour already with the love-sick two over me, with out you being my knight in shinning armour, so it’s already near the end of the last lesson. I am not bunking off school-that’d be three out of four of us who’ve ended up leaving.” I jumped out the car and stood upright, and grabbed a random bag, as he sat into his own seat, and began running towards the schools solitary bus. I guess the bell had rang, as the bus was already full, even as I wormed my way between the closing doors.

“See you at home.” I mouthed to Edward, already behind me, but unable to make it onto the bus in time. Then I noticed I’d taken his bag. I grinned and sat myself next to Mike Newton, who handed me the card, which he’d managed to spell ‘soon’ wrong.

I sighed. Oh yes, I’d be getting back home soon alright.

The time that the decrepit bus had wormed its way to my stop, and I had managed to stroll off, even as Mike tried to have yet another look at the ‘awesome battle wound of the science world’. Sure enough, the shiny silver Volvo sat across the opposite side of the road with a tall, pale, auburn haired man leaning on it. I didn’t have a doubt that it followed the bus every inch of the way.

“Here’s your bag!” I sang happily, and passing his bag over to him with my good hand.

“I wasn’t chasing after my bag.” He bent down and lifted me in his arms again.

“My blood that addictive then?” I smiled, trying to keep the conversation light, even though his eyes were looking angry, with his face a gentle mask. Stupid complicated actor.

“Not the blood either.”

“What then?”

“My heart.” For a second I was about to swoon, but then he had to ruin it. “But you’re not doing too well protecting yourself let alone anything else I could have left you with.” He looked pointedly at my ‘battle wound’.

“It’s a small gash is all?”

“I’m going to have to go hunting. I can’t…risk anything. Especially if being with you ends up with massacre.”

“Hunting. Just think, when I’m like you, you won’t have to control yourself over my blood at all.” I stopped as he straightened and stared straight at me. It was more terrifying than when he’d been insisting on taking me out of school, when he’d frozen on our first kiss, or rather my first attack on him. This wasn’t going well. I felt like a vacuum was making a black hole between our relationship before he even spoke.

“You’re not getting changed.”

“What-why not!”

“Because I’m not having you ruin your life, your humanity, leave your friends, or do any type of selfless deed for me. I’m not having it Helen. Edward in Twilight may have given in, but I certainly won’t. I’m not changing you. Neither will any member of my family before you ask them either.”

“You don’t love me anymore, do you? Its cause its all going way too fast and I’m so immature, and you don’t want me around for that long, isn’t it?”

“I love you more than you could ever even think you could love me. So much that I will not even consider you becoming like me.”

“You mean cold and hard?” I giggled, while my brain furiously told my mouth to shut up at a time like this!

“I mean a mons-”

“Don’t you even dare Edward Anthony Mason Cullen.” I scowled at him. “You can say you won’t change me, though I can always try, you can say you love me, but if you even dare even mention that word with ‘I am a’ or any variation in front of it, you will not like the consequences.”

“Fine.” He looked back at the road, even as I realised I had been placed in the car and we were parked outside Tolley’s house already.

“Now you go and hunt. I need to go and get a take away with my name on it.” I scrambled out the car and towed my bag across the lawn. “I’ll wash my arm, don’t worry. I’m a big girl. I think we have some disinfectant somewhere. I can always use bleach I suppose.”

I saw him clambering out of the car immediately as I spoke, and ran inside, or I would have if I hadn’t tripped slap-bang into the wall.

“Helen-be careful!” He was by my side, checking me already. I held up a finger.

“I didn’t trip. I just said ‘Hello’ to the wall with my face.” And with that I carefully side stepped and opened the door.

It turned out, he didn’t leave until he’d washed, examined, disinfected, washed again, bandaged, re-bandaged when I scratched the other off, plastered, re-re-re-bandaged, and kisses me goodnight at eleven o’clock. I also had strict orders to not get out of bed, phone him immediately if I needed anything (although apparently I wasn’t allowed to say that I wasn’t s-e-x), use Lexhen as my house slave-okay that was my own rule, and not to go to school the next day.

And let’s face it, as lazy as I was, that sounded pretty good.

“I’ll miss you.” I think I managed to say before I was out cold. No doubt he gave me sleeping things as well. Overly protective vampire.

I woke up when I rolled onto my stomach and immediately felt sick. I think it must’ve been from loss of blood, or rather food. Edward had left me with plenty, but the thought of eating yogurts was really sickening.

I glanced at my wall, then at my glass next to my bed.

“Ah, why is the rum always gone?” I said, staggering to my feet and trudging to the bathroom. I heard the scurry of feet overhead as Lexhen scrambled to turn off the PS3, and newly acquired Xbox 360 (I still hadn’t had my go on that yet) to my aid. I’d made it to the (still dented) bathroom door, and was plodding happily to the sink to get some more water.

“Helen. Turn around a little.” I turned to my side obediently, thinking she was admiring my gash, which had been covered regardless.

“Whoa, someone’s been eating a little more than she used to.” Lex walked over and poked my stomach. Which I found a little hypocritical of her usual chant of ‘don’t poke my podge’.

“Hey-it’s not that. Whoa.” I paused and glanced at my stomach, then pulled up the shirt to see the typical British white belly I had. Except it wasn’t all white. And it wasn’t all podge.

There was a light purple tinge to my navel, and the gently curve was more than noticeable compared to…compared to…

“L-Lex…get me a thingy.”

“Which Thingy?”

“The stick of doom.”

“Oh no…. Do we even have one?” She asked puzzled.

“Bathroom cupboard. I got one as a joke to give to Delia. And that set I got to see if those peeing baby things for little kids was fertile or not.” All the speaking was only subconscious as I struggled to think straight.

Lex handed me the stick of doom.

“I’ll be a moment.” I whispered again, pushing her out the room, and getting down to business. Five minutes later I remerged, waving the stick of doom around in the air.

“How much longer waiting?” I asked her.

“Lemme see. On the box it said-well look at that.”

I breathed in. Maybe it’d be good news. But no matter what I’d take it. I was an independent, crazy, fast-thinking maniac, but I’d take what I was dealt. The good the bad and the supremely pretty.

“Look at what Lex?”

“Well, Tolley’s going to be pissed enough with the fact that we’ve made a mess. And what-it’s only been three days away without her? Great.” She continued to blabble. “But she’ll be damn happy ‘bout this at least. Maybe we’ll still get to stay on our own without getting into major troubles. Or we’ll blame Hilary for no adult supervision. Yes that’ll do.”

“Tell me Lex.” It was barely more than a sigh. I straightened my back, preparing for whatever the doom-stick said.

“We’re going to have a nudger in the family.”

I stared straight ahead.

And for the first time in my life. I fainted.