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I've broken their heart more times than I can count. I just can't seem to change my ways. I did the one thing that Carlisle said not to, I joined the Volturi. When I came back I never thought it would be so hard. It doesn't help that Isabella Swan can't seem to stay away from me.

This is a story about what would happen if Edward had been unable to stop drinking human blood after that time he went out on his own. Everything would be different. The question is: can he still be Edward.

1. Gone Again

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 999   Review this Chapter

Chapter One

Carlisle and Esme were waiting for me as I walked up the path to the house. Esme held her arms open for me, embracing me in a mother’s comfort. After all that time out there by myself it felt so nice to just be held by someone who actually cared for me. They accepted the fact that I hadn’t been able to stick to Carlisle’s way of life.

"Come on inside." Esme said, pulling me into the house. "We have your room ready for you, we figured you would be coming back soon. I just wish you had come home sooner."

"I’m sorry." I muttered, following er into my bedroom. "I won’t do it again."

"Good. I don’t think I can stand it if you run away like that again. We love you, Edward." Esme kissed me softly before leaving.

I sat down on the couch, putting my head between my hands. I felt guilty for doing what I did, but I still wanted it. I could hear it pumping through the veins of people walking past the house. Each person walking by could be someone to quench my thirst that never seemed to go away.

I growled when a man, who had killed seven girls, walked past the house. It would be so easy. Just lure him into an ally away from the house. Just one more kill. Carlisle and Esme would understand. It would be so easy. Just one more.

"Edward, where are you going?" Carlisle asked, pulling me out of the trance like state I was in.

I was standing at the front door, one hand on the handle. I was actually going to go do it if Carlisle hadn’t spoken. I looked at him, concentrating on him and not the murderer turning the corner.

"Edward?" Carlisle asked, putting one hand on my shoulder.

"I’m not going anywhere." I didn’t know if I believed that though.

"Good. We love you, Edward." Carlisle said, ruffling my hair like my father use to do.

"I’m going to go back upstairs. I need to think."

"If you want to talk you know we’re here for you." Carlisle said as went up the stairs.

"I know. Thank you."

I sat in my room for days, letting the thirst build and build. Esme came and asked me if she could do anything. Carlisle came and asked me to go out with him to hunt. I just didn’t want to do it until the thirst was so bad that instinct would take over. Then I would go with Carlisle and hunt. Not a minute before then.

I waited too long. The thirst was all that was controlling me when I finally went out to hunt. Both Carlisle and Esme were gone, I was going to go meet them at the forest. I left the house, fist clenched by my sides.

I shouldn’t have taken a mortal pace as I left the city. I only made it a few blocks before a girl noticed me. A sweet little girl. Someone Esme would see as a daughter. Her thoughts were so pure. But it was too late for me to think about that.

"Are you alright, sir?" A girl asked, no older than fifteen. She was so innocent, so caring. Ready to help.

The rational part of me was locked away. The irrational side was out to play, taking control of my body. "It’s my brother. He’s in the ally. Could you come help him?" It was a lie that came so easily.

"Oh, sure! Is he hurt?" She ran into the ally, looking for the brother that didn’t exist.

I followed in behind her, allowing her to walk into the darkest part before I took action. I pushed her against the wall, her body restrained by mine. She tried to struggle against me, tears coming down her cheeks.

"Rose, I’m sorry." I whispered, putting my mouth as the base of her throat. "Oh, so sorry."

My teeth cut through the tender flesh, a tilde wave of warmth gushing over my tongue. I moaned, crushing her arm that I was holding. She screamed, pushing against me with her good arm until the venom started working.

When I had killed her is when the rational part of me was let free. I dropped her, backing away until I ran into the wall behind me. I had killed someone who didn’t deserve to die. This girl had never done anything bad. She wanted to be a nurse. She had wanted to help people and I had killed her. There was no excuse for what I did. It was my own damn fault.

I started running. It was a human run, flying past the few people out at the late hour. My feet hit the pavement with a loud thud as I ran. I didn’t know where I was going. I just had to get away. Carlisle and Esme would be so disappointed. I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t burden them any longer. I would go and try and make it on my own.

When I stopped running, several days later, I was in a different state. I was in the middle of the country. There were no humans near me. It was just trees and deer running through. I leaned against the tree, holding my head.

I thought back on the few days I had spent running. Carlisle had chased me for a day or so. He gave up and went home when I crossed the state border. Before he had turned away he had told me that I was still welcomed back. They still loved me. There would always be a place for me with them.

I wasn’t going to go back this time. There was no place for me with them. I couldn’t live by their way of life. I was going to be like the rest of our kind. A killer. I was going to be the monster that our kind was suppose to be.