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The Bullets In My Gun

Summary:
Set during the "Month Pages" of New Moon. A simple action has so much meaning for Charlie. He doesn't know the story behind her pain, but he knows he can't bear it.


Notes:
My attempt at Charlie's POV. what do you think? Please Favorite! Oh, and i own naught.


1. The Bullets in My Gun

Rating 5/5   Word Count 593   Review this Chapter

Her eyes haunted me.

I could see them, brown, deep, sparkling, just like Renee’s. Though every other part of her was still, comatose, incapable of movement… her eyes were alive.

She knew, I could see that she knew. She wasn’t numb. She was in agony. The only part of her that remembered that was hidden, but sometimes, when she wasn’t careful- when I turned the T.V. on, when she had to read some romance for school, I could see that the pain was there.

And it was that pain… not the numbness, not the weariness, that made me do this.

I hoped she wouldn’t notice. I knew it would infuriate her, make her think I didn’t trust her. I knew how hard she tried to live, how hard she tried to not give in. Every second was a struggle, visible. I could see the strain every minute.

Each time she breathed, she had to shove the air past lungs that pushed in. They didn’t work- there was a hole there that prevented the smooth transfer of breath. And yet, somehow, she lived.

And I knew why.

I felt so guilty, somehow, for this. I knew she would rather have given up. It would be so much easier for her. Yet she lived.

For me. She didn’t say it, aloud, ever, of course. That would never be her way. But I knew it was the only reason she insisted on continuing her laborious breathing.

It was for me that she lived. She had no friends, no joy, no hobbies- certainly no love. It was only for me, her father, that she lived.

Sometimes I thought that I shouldn’t do this. She would never give in, not when she’d endured so much already. She’d made her decision, and my daughter was so stubborn. She wouldn’t change her mind.

And it felt like a betrayal. I didn’t know why.

No, I did. I put my finger on it with an element of surprise. I was mistrusting her. She wouldn’t do it… of course not.

She never changed her mind. She was a stubborn girl- stubborn enough that she was still, hopelessly in love with him.

Edward-Cullen-the-no-good-bastard. He thought he could get away with this- and he had, damn him. But I was absolutely sure of one thing.

If he ever walked through my door again, I would put this gun to use.

But I couldn’t let her do so.

As much as she wanted to, as much as she would probably never get better and it might even be the best thing for her, I couldn’t let her.

I gently touched the cold gray metal. Quickly, because I didn’t want to stay in the rain longer than necessary- but I couldn’t let her see- I pulled the three bullets out of the chamber.

One, two, three. They fell from the gun, to my hand, to my pocket.

Safety.

It was a minor betrayal. She lived only for me, and yet I couldn’t trust her to continue doing so.

But, no matter the tiny spear of guilt, no matter the agony I felt, seeing her all-consuming the pain, no matter what she wanted, I knew what I had to do.

There was only one thing I had to prevent.

Because I couldn’t bear seeing one of these tiny silver bullets darken the shining eyes that were all that remained of my once-bright Bella.