Untold Twilight Stories
DISCLAIMER:Oh MY GOD! IT"S STEPHANIE MEYER THE AUTHOR OF TWILIGHT! oh look it's afterxdreaming that...crazy...person..that writes fanfics... What the Twilight Characters do when we're not reading... Special Thanks to twilghtfan_94 for making me write these crazy stories down, other wise I would have kept putting it off and off...(Until I'm old...like Bella...:p )
Special Thanks again to what's-her-face (I can never seem to remember her name...) (afterxdreaming just got bitch slapped by what's-her-face) Sorry guys! I had to combine Stranger Danger and Red Eyes caz I'm imcapble of using my words! lol (so true...)
3. The Great Cullen Bank Heist (and Bella) Part 2!!!!
Rating 0/5 Word Count 1724 Review this Chapter
“Okay, everyone knows what they’re doing?” asked Emmett. How he got in charge of the robbery, no one will ever know…
“You guys are really going through with this? I thought this was going to be like one of those phases!” exclaimed Carlisle remembering the time they tried to kill that Newton kid, or the time tried to kill Bella’s werewolf friend, and he couldn’t forget the time they…
“Come on! Lighten up a little Carlisle! Let the kids have some fun! Image what we can do alone, together!” said Esme, imaging Carlisle and her…well retiling the bathroom floor. While Carlisle was…well…organizing his office. Seriously. Thank God those two are together!
Carlisle, who was now too busy thinking about bathroom tiles, failed to notice Esme hand Edward a 50-dollar bill….
I want hamster, if you don’t mind. She thought to him. Make sure it was a big one.
Edward merely put the money in his pocket and followed the others out the door.
Well, that was….um….awkward…?
For Edward, being a 106-year-old mind reading vampire trying to rob a pet store can be hard. For Edward, being a 106-year-old mind reading vampire trying to rob a pet store with his clumsy girlfriend, empathic brother, self-absorbed sister, and his other psychic sister, it’s worse than hard.
Oh did I forget to mention the leader of the escapade? Edward’s wonderful half retarded brother. Did I also forget to mention that all of Emmett’s plans involve ski masks? Without the cutout eyeholes?
The gang (also known as the Amazing Squad of Perfect Crafty Agents aka ASPCA, courtesy of Emmett) set off to spread their somewhat terror on the town of Forks. (And also to remind locals to spay and neuter their local wolves, fifteen oversized canines were enough!)
Rosalie, who refused to wear a ski mask, was in charge of distracting the police. Or Plan D.! After buying 3 dozen donuts, Rosalie departed from the group, commencing with plan D.
Jasper also got into the car with Rosalie, who, one refused to carry 3 dozen donuts to the police station. And two, Jasper started to freak out because “someone blinded him” and almost destroyed the M3, rip out Emmett’s hair, strangle Edward with some wire, and eat Bella before Alice pulled off the “ski mask of eternal night”.
See the problem?
Emmett, being Emmett, sung the James Bond theme song all through the ride. Alice, being Alice, started the sing the Pokemon theme song. AND of course, Bella, being Bella, wanted to ‘snog’ Edward in the backseat. But alas Edward was to busy humming the Bella Swan theme song…
When the “ASPCA” finally did get to the Pet store/Vet, they couldn’t find an animal blood bank so this was the closest they could get, Edward was sent out to “scope things out”. Or read everyone’s minds within the 5-mile radius. However you want to put it.
There were currently five people in the pet store/ vet, unless you count the kid taking a drag behind the dumpster with his fateful imaginary dog. (Take a guess at what he’s smoking!) There were two employees (the counter guy and the vet), a young short black haired girl (who was loudly arguing with the vet, who thought her cat was a raccoon. Even I am not quite sure about that one) The other girl there was arguing with what seemed like a woman, according to her she was Carla from the waist up but unfortunately Carl from the waist down, about boys and a spy school.
They didn’t stand a chance.
Meanwhile, at the police station, Rosalie came through the doors in all her Aphrodite-like glory and Jasper in all his spectacular emo-ness carrying all the donuts.
Their plan was to distract the policemen long enough for the ASPCA to steal enough animal blood feed them for an entire month! More video games! More shopping! More lullaby recording in HD!
Meanwhile back at the crime scene, Edweird, his klutzy girlfriend, the oaf, and the one with the plan (?) stormed into the pet store, guns drawn, and stormed into the pet shop.
Not everyday do four people clad in black with ski masks storm in with super soakers demanding everything in the vault. Especially in a pet store. A small town pet store at that. At that moment the five people inside were thinking “Vault? What vault?” Edweird, being the weird control freak he is, specified, “You know which one!” He waved his super soaker frantically.
Now the whole place was utterly confused. Did they even make enough money to have a vault?
The girl with the cat (?) was the first to snap out of that awkward moment. “Is this a robbery?”
When else do people come in with ski masks demanding everything in the non-existent vault?
Seemingly to have figured it out by herself (a crazy cat lady epiphany moment), she shouted at the top of her lungs (which was actually pretty loud) “POLICE!” pointing at herself. A very stupid move. She saw the Papa Ski and Baby Ski coming at her, she went for her cell. However, she was no match for vampire speed and Emmett and Alice threw outside, the door shutting in her face. Also her cell was kidnapped. She pounded the door hollering her mantra, “POLICE! DANMIT! HEY!”
Sadly the door wasn’t locked.
“Anyone else want to feel our wrath?” Bella laughed maniacally. Edward glanced nervously at her. Note to self; Wait until Bella is a vampire before planning elaborate bank heists. Or would it get worse?
Bella stepped forward, pointing her water-filled gun at the guy at the counter. Unfortunately for her (and the raccoon/cat hybrid), her clumsiness found the perfect time to kick in. Our favorite heroin, or heroine which ever you children prefer, tripped and crashed into the bird sections, scattering the birds.
“NOOOOO! How will we tell the parrots apart from the parakeets now?!” the guy at the counter sobbed.
“Oh my Carlisle! I’m so sorry!” It seemed that nice Bella conquered over bank robber Bella. She immediately began trying to separate the parrots from parakeets, or was it the parakeets from the parrots?
“So, what vault are you talking about?” asked the vet, eyeing the living fuzz ball with disgust, “People don’t usually pay with cash here.”
“That’s not we’re talking about!” said Weird Ski Mask, “We’re talking about where you keep that sweet delicious blood.”
“Okay, okay let me get this straight, you guys,” the vet pointed at the ASPCA, “are robbing a pet store because you need blood?”
The Papa Ski Mask nods.
“What I’m really concerned about is why you need it.”
“It’s so obvious!” says the supposed spy girl “Judging by there criminal appearance, multi-personality disorders and love of blood, I would say,” she paused for dramatic effect, “they’re a bunch of wannabe vampire cult members.”
“Exactly!” Bella/MPD ski mask exclaimed happily. Someone who understood her at last!
“Umm…well anyway hate to break it to you but....” but the vet never finish his sentence for…
…the cat lady had finally used the doorknob. Finally…I have to finish this story!
“You think you are so sly! But I’m on to you and now I will arrest you and then I’ll put you in jail and then I throw away the key and then Mr. Kitty will maul your faces off and then you have to go around and say you had your faces mauled off by a panda and then….”
Sorry I’ll have to cut that short, she talks too much.
Unaware of the massive fur ball thing named Mr. Kitty, the cat/police lady walked over the giant dust bunny causing her to stumble forward. Now usually when you are fall you grab something. Unfortunately Bella was the closet thing to her, and without the cutout eyeholes, she didn’t know that police/cat lady grabbed her mask…until it was too late…
As it turns out crazy cat lady wasn’t that stupid, “Hey you look familiar! You knida look like the Chief’s…” However before she could finish a shiny (but now dusty) Volvo crashed into the front wall of the pet store. Baby Ski Mask had seen this coming and slipped past the cat lady, coming up with the perfect diversion and getaway…
…even if it will make Edward angry. It was his car. All she had to deal with now was a failed mission and telling Jasper they didn’t have anything for his blood boxes, and Rosalie, who probably had to flirt with the old, fat and balding policemen. And of course the possibly recognized Bella, well until her eyes glazed over…
Edward wasn’t very happy about that, it was his car.
Jacob and Victoria were quite shocked at the sight of a demolished pet store with a hole the size a Volvo in the front.
“Where will we get our puppy now?” asked Victoria, clutching her new lover’s arm tightly.
“To Seattle my dear! There will bound to be suicide victim who are incapable of taking care of their pets!” And with that, they were off.
About 20 yards away, Inspector Cygnus (an actually Seattle-ian?) with her waist long mahogany hair and brown eyes sighed as she was finishing her report on the attempted robbery and then vandalism on a pet shop. These townies are crazy!
Just as she was about head back to the station when someone placed a hand on her shoulder, it was a young woman with short black hair and a raccoon in her arms. Before the poor Inspector could respond, the crazy-cat-lady-who-was-actually-a-cop elbowed her in the stomach then handcuffing her.
“I GOT HER!!!!” she screamed causing the rest of the force to look up. Cat lady whispered in her ear “And you thought you could get away with stealing my cell hmm Multiple Personality Disorder Ski Mask?”
Poor Inspector Cygnus, she never liked townies. Especially small town cops.
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- 18 Apr 07
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