-Eclipse in Edward's Point if View- ~*~"It's more Inevitable than the sun rising in the East." -Alice Cullen Midnight Sun~*~
12. Worth It
Rating 5/5 Word Count 5007 Review this Chapter
Here I am sitting on the ground, leaning against the trunk of tree, being as pathetic as Emmett had said earlier.
I watched the small silver phone twirl through my fingers, all the while silently begging it to ring.
Okay so this went beyond pathetic.
Why was it that the things you desperately didn't want to think about were the things that constantly ran through your head like a video...over and over again when you would least appreciate them?
Perhaps it was my brain that was masochistic. Images seem to run behind my eyes with the sole purpose of tormenting me. Sometimes it would replay the image I had seen from Jacob earlier today, other times it would be something much worse, something completely conjured up to increase the torture.
It was 10:30 and my phone had yet to ring.
For some reason I had convinced myself that Bella would call around eight o' clock... or at the latest nine.
Well that had been over an hour ago and quickly approaching two.
I hope she was having fun with whatever she was doing, so this endless wait would be worth it in the end. And I prayed the reason she hadn't called yet was because she was too caught up in the party, or whatever it was wolfs did for fun, and not because something had gone wrong.
If something had I knew she would call...
But what if she was unable to call?
Would the dogs have the decency to use her phone to inform me...?
‘Stop It' I commanded myself for the hundredth time it the last two and a half hours. I was just making it worse. Everything was fine and I was over thinking and over reacting like Alice had accused me of many times before. I knew Billy was there and surley he would call in there was a need to.
Headlights flashed across me, pulling me from my thoughts. Before I could get suspicious I recognized the bright yellow paint. Then when I saw the porsche park along side my Volvo all my worries were instantly replaced by shock as Jasper was the one to step out.
Alice had literally snarled at anyone who asked to drive her new car, including myself and I had been the one to buy it. Though I did have the advantage of driving it to her so I wasn't as disappointed as Emmett.
I wondered why Jasper had come though. My first thought was that Alice had seen me disappear... but I hadn't decided to cross the line...
At least I didn't think so.
But if I had made an unconscious decision to break the treaty I was surprised Alice had sent Jasper of all people. She should know that if I had decided to go after Bella it would take more than just him to stop me and as far as I could tell he was alone.
‘Alice sent me' he said silently as if he could read my thoughts. ‘She saw you getting kind of anxious in a bit and figured you could use some company'
Then, as if on cue I felt calm wash over me, it didn't remove everything like I would have liked it to, but it dulled it down to where it was more bearable.
I took a deep breath feeling my shoulders and back muscles relax.
"I'm surprised really" he went on leaning against the tree and looking down at me "with the emotions I felt coming off you when I pulled up I half expected to see you pacing a hole in the ground or pulling your hair out."
"I haven't ruled that out yet" I said under my breath.
He smiled and sat on the ground next to me, one of his arms resting on his knee while Alice's key ring hung from his fingers.
"Alice finally came off the keys I see"
He laughed, his face turning somewhat smug "Well it wasn't without a load of persuasion and an ear full of what not to do's"
I nodded. I knew, just like everyone else, the first person Alice would give into would be Jasper.
‘By the way...' he went on mentally ‘I've been wanting to thank you, she really loves that car...I love seeing her this happy'
I shrugged "It was the least I could do, after everything she's done for me" If anything I owed her way more than a new car.
Jasper's smile quickly faded and he looked away. He had things just like me he didn't like being reminded of...and Alice's little trip to Italy was the top of the list.
"Yes well..." he said tightly looking away "it's a good thing everything turned out alright, because if it hadn't you had better prayed the Volturi finished you off before I got my hands on you"
I chuckled darkly despite the fact his words were completely sincere. It was so ironic in a way. We had both nearly killed the other's love.
Though he blamed me completely for nearly having Alice killed I never blamed him for the way Bella's 18th birthday turned out. How could I when it had been my fault from the very beginning?
I knew if he had been fighting just his own urges that night he would have been fine, but due to his "Gift" he was also dealing with my own struggle to Bella's blood...which was ten times stronger than anything he was already feeling.
As soon as that overpowering scent hit the air it dominated not only my senses, but also his. The problem was he hadn't been fighting it like me...hadn't struggled day in and day out to overpower that impossible hunger. It was too much with what he had already been struggling with and in that moment he was experiencing close to what I had felt that first day in Biology. To him in that second Bella had been nothing more than prey.
But the past is the past and there's nothing you can do about it, I for one should know about that more than anyone.
"I suppose we're even then..." I said through my short humorless laugh "on some sick level"
Jasper stared at me for a minute, his thoughts confused. He wasn't sure whether he should be angry with my words or just agree, though there was no missing his thought of wanting to hit me, however fleeting it was.
Finally he shook his head and decided to settle on humor. His incredulous laugh instantly broke the tension that had built up.
‘Only you, Edward would think of it that way'
I grinned despite myself and looked back down at my still silent phone. Regardless of the fact Jasper and I weren't quite as close as we use to be and I had never been as close with to him as I was Emmett, I was still glad for his presence at the moment
Silence fell between us after that. I'm not sure how long he sat with me keeping my nerves under control and I was too afraid to check my watch and find out, but after awhile something pushed forth from earlier today.
It was question I had wanted to ask him while we stood outside Charlie's house listening to Bella and Jacob. I had been too much of a coward then to ask and even now I was afraid of the answer. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know.
I took a deep breath...to hell with it.
"Can I ask you something Jasper?" I said quietly not looking up from the phone still twirling in my hands.
"Today while I was following the trail... you could you pick up on Bella's emotions right?" Nothing like asking the obvious to delay the true answer.
I felt him turn towards me but I didn't look up "Yes" he said somewhat cautiously ‘you know that'
I nodded and swallowed "What did you...I mean what was she feeling while he was there?"
His thoughts clearly told me he wasn't expecting that kind of question, and they were also a bit angry. "Are you asking me what I think you're asking me Edward?"
I ignored that. "Well?"
Now that I had finally asked it I wanted the answer...wanted it to be over with. The longer it hung in the air the worse I felt.
Why did I even ask in the first place?
After a short pause that seemed like hours, though it could have only been a few seconds he finally spoke.
"Yes" ‘If you are in fact asking me what I think you are... my answer is yes'
My head snapped up as I finally looked into his face. There was no lie in his eyes or thoughts.
'It's true...' he went on, clearly reading something in my features I was unaware of. 'I did feel love come off Bella while Black was there... it was mixed with aggravation and annoyance but it was still there'
I stared at him for a moment taking in his words....then as they finally hit the seed of doubt blossomed painfully inside my chest. I began to feel my mask slip and I nodded once before looking off into the trees, hiding any of the pain that had leaked through...though I knew that was always a pointless action with the present company.
I had already known...suspected, so why did it still hurt this much? You'd think it would have lessened the blow no matter how minutely.
"But do you want to know the other emotion I felt that was so strong it over rode everything else?" Jasper said quietly.
"What?" I asked flatly still not looking back at him; I didn't really want the answer and I was barley listening to him now as it was.
"What?" I finally turned to him, my brow furrowing in confusion "What does that have to do with anything...it doesn't even make sense"
"Actually it makes a lot of sense"
I sighed in frustration and turned away again. I was tired of his cryptic talk and I had the sudden urge to be alone with my normal feelings again, they couldn't make me feel any worse.
But of course he went on "Edward, even though I could feel the emotion of love come off Bella I had no way of telling what kind of love it was... For all I know, and for all you know, it could have been love like for a brother or friend.
"I won't deny that it could have been something more but, like I said I have no way of knowing...but I do know what the anxiety was from, because I've felt it before... many times actually...from you"
"Now you're making sense, thanks for that" I said sarcastically
He sighed in impatience ‘when is he going to see it?'
"See what?" I almost yelled, my own patience spent.
"That she loves you just as fiercely as you love her" He said a bit louder, the slight anger back again in his voice "I tried to tell you this before, when you decided leaving her was the best option..." he ignored how I flinched and went on "I didn't think it was possible for a human to love the way we do, to be able to comprehend the thought of an eternity with someone but Belladoes."
His voice began to change he seemed to become frustrated and I could tell his mind was just as confused as his words sounded. "The intensity of love and passion that rolls off her just when you walk into a room Edward is unbelievable. She is a human and her feelings equal yours completely...even after all this time I still don't fully understand it...
"Today as soon as you left the house her anxiety rose at the exact time yours did. She hates being parted from you just as you do her. I won't lie to you, Bella loves Jacob but how she loves I don't know. But what I do know is that the love I feel come off her when she's with you doesn't even come close to the level love I felt today."
‘It's the same emotion yes, but they are on completely different scales.'
I was still looking into the trees when his little speech ended, my mind absorbing his words. If this was another time I probably would have been laughing or at least smirking. It's not everyday one could get Jasper out on such a tangent. I usually enjoyed these rare outbursts from him because when he got going he would become close to what Emmett was like...saying exactly what crossed his mind without fully thinking first.
Jasper's eyes were boring into the side of my face, almost pleading. What he didn't understand was that I did understand... to a point anyway. Bella had proved she loved me beyond any of my expectations when she willing risked her own life to save mine, all the while believing I no longer loved her.
Nevertheless it was reassuring hearing it from Jasper, since he could in fact feel such things. It made me fell oddly light and ,though I knew it was dangerous, slightly hopeful that the love Bella had for Jacob was just as she describe it as...family.
Another immeasurable amount of time pasted, but after a while when Jasper realized I wasn't going to speak anytime soon nor turn to look at him he gave a sigh and got to his feet.
"I think I'm going to head home, Alice is probably the one pulling her out by now"
‘You'll be alright?'
I nodded once. I was much calmer than I had been though I had no doubt it was do his presence.
It wasn't until Jasper was by the car again and had opened the door that I finally spoke.
"Thank you" I whispered.
‘Anytime little brother'
I'm in the process of pacing that hole into the ground, and about two seconds away from pulling my hair out.
It was 11:20 and Bella still hadn't called.
Why did Jasper have to leave...why did I let him leave? I should have asked him to stay.
I couldn't take this.
Why had nobody called yet?
If Bella had gotten caught up with something, or would somehow be delayed surely she would have called. She should know by now my brain liked to think of the worse case scenario. As far as my thought process went the glass was always half empty.
I ran my hand through my hair, my fingers gripping the strands in the back. I would almost swear a follicle parted from my scalp for the first time in nearly a century.
One of these days my Isabella was truly going to make me insane. Though I hated the idea of it I couldn't wait for her to be changed. I yearned selfishly for the day she would be immortal and strong. Where if she happened to trip on thin air like she was so prone to doing she wouldn't be at risk for a concussion or much worse.
My fingers tightened around the phone in my other hand and I had to remind myself not to crush the flimsy plastic. Emmet had been right I would need it...and hopefully I would need it soon.
Just as I began wondering how much more my mind could possibly take and on my 352nd pace back to the side of my car I was granted mercy. Before the third millisecond of vibration ran through my hand the phone was at my ear.
"Bella?" Unfortunately I hadn't taken the time to compose myself and my voice was close to hysteric.
I mentally cursed, I had sworn I wouldn't let Bella know how hard this was for me, it would only make it that much harder for her. But it wasn't the sweet voice I had been expecting that answered, it was a husky one and unfortunately very familiar. "Uh, no"
Fear shot through me... why was it Jacob calling?
"What happened?...Where is she?" I tried to sound angry, tried to put some kind of threat behind my words, but they still only sounded hysteric and perhaps slightly crazed.
"Whoa....damn leech cool it"
"She's right here!" He nearly yelled back, it sounded like he was trying to keep his voice down. "She fell asleep and I didn't want to wake her... we're on our way now"
I closed my eyes and took a deep, steadying breath.
Overreaction...that's my middle name.
"My apologies Jacob" I said my voice now calm. "It's been a long night"
"Right" He snorted sarcastically "It's not like you have to worry about me eating her or anything".
I clenched my teeth taking another breath through my nose.
He's just a kid, I reminded myself...a hot headed, irritating, stinking mutt of teenager, but still a child.
And he did have the decency to call when Bella couldn't.
"Thank you for calling Jacob, I really appreciate it."
"Well um..." he cleared his throat, it was clear he was finding it more difficult than me to talk somewhat civilly "I talked to Sam today and he said we would do everything we can to help since it is our responsibility. He's sending us out in groups to take shifts around Charlie's house and the surrounding neighborhood."
"That's fine" I agreed "but Charlie's house is already covered... there will always be someone there, either myself or another member of my family and..."
"Too bad" he growled cutting me off "Because believe it or not you leeches aren't the only one's who care for Bella and Charlie."
I sighed and pinched my nose, working on keeping what little patience I had left together. "In that case Jacob advise Sam to send only the most experienced...the one's that are able to keep control the best, because whenever Bella is home there will be one of us present...no exceptions."
I heard him breathe out heavily into the phone and I decided to drop it for now. "We will work out a schedule of some kind so there are no clashes" I said evenly "and the times when both sides have to be there we'll make it so we stay clear of one another."
I waited... when he didn't disagree or comment I went on. "Who is Sam sending tonight?"
"Myself and two others" He answered curtly. I suppressed a groan; I should have seen that one coming. "I'll be patrolling Charlie's while Quil and Embry take each side of the neighborhood. Three others will replace us tomorrow afternoon."
"That sounds reasonable"
"Yeah whatever" He mumbled, sounding uncomfortable at my still calm voice. It didn't last long though and when he spoke again his voice was back to being sarcastic "So does this mean I can actually see Bells more ...If I play nice?"
"If that's what she wants I have no right to stop her" I answered "and as long as it makes her happy and she's safe I don't have any objections"
He snorted but didn't say anything.
I waited and felt my lip twitch, it was always amusing the way my lack of arguing and/or disagreeing unnerved both Charlie and Jacob at times.
"Yeah well..." he cleared his throat again. "We should be at the line in another 10 minutes or so"
"I'll be there to pick her up"
I chuckled slightly as I put the phone back in my pocket. I began to realize just how idiotic I had been acting. Of course the late call was do to the simple fact Bella had forgotten the time and fallen asleep...it was completely reasonable and if I had taken a moment to think more clearly that scenario may have crossed my mind.
It took a minute for me to notice I was still pacing, but found I couldn't stop. I wouldn't feel at ease again till she was in my arms. It had felt like it had been days instead of hours.
I began to wonder if this was what Bella felt when I was away hunting. Sure I hated to go too, but during that time I had something to do, something I had to do...this wait I had nothing to do but wait... just like her.
Though I had told Bella the last time I wasn't going to go so far to hunt again I was now positive of that fact. Local deer and elk would have to do. Because if she went through half of what I did tonight when I left it wasn't even close to being worth it.
At that moment a gust of wind rustled through the trees, blowing my hair around my face. I looked up at the sky; it was solid black, not a single star visible.
I could feel and smell the storm coming.
Not knowing how cold it really was, since I couldn't feel such things, I headed towards the car to start it up and get the heater running.
Even if I couldn't feel the cold Bella could.
A good fifteen minutes passed before Jacob's car pulled up. I could see the headlights in the distance, the light dimly noticeable through the thick trees.
I continued to pace, if I kept my legs moving in the same direction they had been for hours I would be able to resist the urge to run towards them.
"Sure Jake" I stopped when I heard Bella's voice, the blowing wind, which had steadily grown stronger, carried her scent directly towards me.
Now that she was out of the car and the door opened I could just make out their words over the two running engines.
"Sleep tight Bells. Don't worry about anything...I'll be watching out for you tonight"
Her reaction was just what I expected. "No, Jake. Get some rest I'll be fine"
"Night, Jake. Thanks"
She had already stepped out of the car when I heard the whisper... more from his head than from across the distance.
If it wasn't for the fact I was near giddy relief at the moment, I might have had some sympathy for the mutt. He had fallen for my Isabella, and fallen hard. And though that love was sincere I agreed whole heartily with Jasper.
Jacob would never be able to come close to feeling what I feel for Bella. It would take many more decades for him to understand that endless' depth.
It was true I hated Jacob, but I couldn't deny the fact that it was sad. Sad that the first girl he had gotten feelings for was taken.
I had waited too long for Bella and I wasn't going to let her go, the only way I would loose her would be if she asked me to leave. If one day she came to her senses and changed her mind, but till then Isabella Swan was taken and he would have to deal with that fact.
And the fast pace of her heart and the excited smile on her face as she ran towards me through the darkness only enforced that truth.
I caught her in my cold arms as she stumbled the last few steps. "Bella" My voice was thick with relief, my tense body melting under her warmth like frost under the morning sun.
"Hi." she said softy, her voice -though it sounded very tired- had a light happiness about it I hadn't heard in a while. "Sorry I'm late. I fell asleep and..."
"I know" I smiled down at her. "Jacob explained"
Keeping my arm securely around her waist I lead her towards the car. She leaned her head into my chest as her feet stumbled along the way.
"Are you tired? I could carry you"
"I'm fine" she mumbled into my shirt. I looked down and smiled again, her eyes were closed and it was clear she was only seconds away from sleep walking.
"Let's get you home and in to bed." I said gently "Did you have a nice time?"
Her eyes opened and she seemed to become more alert as she lifted her head back up to look at me, her brown eyes shining in the darkness. "Yeah....it was amazing, Edward. I wish you could have come. I can't even explain it. Jake's dad told us the old legends and it was like....like magic"
My smile grew. Alice was right. Bella was more relaxed and she seemed genially happy.
Yes, the wait was definitely worth it, and I would gladly do it again if I could see her face like this more often... completely relaxed with that soft, beautiful smile in place.
"You'll have to tell me about. Once you've slept"
She shook her head leaning back into me "I won't get it right" she said through a huge yawn. I chuckled and opened the car door. After I had lifted her in and buckled the seat belt around her I closed the door and looked towards where Jacob was still sitting in his car.
I knew he had been waiting till Bella was safely inside before driving off. I found myself once again appreciating his thoughtfulness... if his love for Bella wasn't so possessive I realized it would be pretty difficult to continue hating him.
‘See you in a bit then' he thought towards me. I nodded in his direction, knowing he could see me through the trees.
It had started to rain as I ran back to Charlie's. I didn't take the car all the way home I just parked in the same place I had earlier this evening. Esme was the one on watch now and she was going to take it home.
Coming around the corner, instead of heading towards the house, I cut through the trees.
Esme wasn't too far in, she smiled when she saw me.
"That was pretty fast even for you"
I grinned back and handed her my keys.
"If I didn't know any better" She went on with a soft teasing smile "I'd say you were in a hurry for something"
"I think hurry is a..." I paused and my head snapped to the left at the same time Esme's did.
Jacob was in his wolf form running through the brush... he stopped about 20 feet away and rolled back onto his back legs.
I heard Esme's small intake of breath. It had been a very long time since she last saw a wolf and Jacob seemed to be a bit larger than the ones we had run across nearly eighty years ago.
Though I knew he was safe, I still couldn't help but step slightly to the right and place myself in front of her.
‘Is that Jacob?' She asked silently. I nodded still not taking my eyes off him.
"Jacob this is my mother Esme" I said politely.
He snorted through his nose ‘Why keep up charade with me?' he scoffed ‘I'm not stupid, I know she's not your mother.'
"She is" I countered smoothly "in all the ways that count"
Esme placed a hand on my shoulder and stepped around me. I tensed as she took a step forward. ‘Oh, stop it Edward' she reproached me in her gentle voice, feeling my reaction.
"Hello Jacob" she said kindly standing next to me "I just wanted to thank you for everything you're doing for us...it means a lot to our family"
‘Tell her I'm not doing this for her, you, or any of the other leeches, I'm here for Bella and that's all'
I ignored this and turned to Esme with no intention of passing on the message. "Alice said Carlisle will be home shortly but said he'll be called back in. If you leave now you might be able to catch him"
She looked between me and the large wolf clearly catching a hint of tension in the air. She didn't voice any of the questions running through her head though, instead her gazed settled on me again.
She looked into my face her eyes taking on that familiar shine. It was a look that stirred long lost memories inside me....human memories. It was a look that had always accepted me and always over looked my flaws, it was this very look I had come to love over the many years.
Esme reached up and placed her hand on my cheek, ‘you did well tonight...I'm proud of you'
I sighed softly "Well it wasn't without help" I said honestly "Do me a favor and thank Alice for me when you get home"
She chuckled "Of course"
She turned back to the wolf who was still in the shadows "Have a good night Jacob and stay safe" With one last smile in my direction she took off through the tree's.
‘I'm going to make a run around the place' Jacob said once she was gone.
"If you run into anyone or come across a scent tonight just let me know" I said tapping my forehead "I'll be listening"
He stared at me, his thoughts puzzled as he tried to figure out my words. ‘So you're going to be here tonight too?'
I took a lot to keep the smirk from my face but I managed.
"I'm here every night Jacob" I said softly, hopefully lessening the impact I knew my words would have on him. But he needed to know, needed to realize.
I couldn't read anything coherent from his mind at first but then there was a flash of understanding followed quickly by anger and disgust.
He didn't stay long after that.
As I watched his large form disappear through the trees, I drowned out his furious thoughts and dead end threats. He had clearly learned more information than he ever wanted to know. But he was the one who asked and the one who wanted to keep watch tonight.
Besides, I could care less as I took off towards my heaven, where I could clearly see my angel waiting patiently for me by the open window.
- Seed of Doubt
- Unwilling to see
- The Right to Know
- Strike One
- Worth It
- Getting Heathcliff
- Curious Uncertainties
- Strike Two
- Not Today
- Getting Heathcliff Part 2
- Self Preservation
- A Change of Plans
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- 06 Jul 08
- 12 Mar 10
- In Progress