-Eclipse in Edward's Point if View- ~*~"It's more Inevitable than the sun rising in the East." -Alice Cullen Midnight Sun~*~
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I opened the door to my room and smiled at what greeted me.
Her sent and steady heart beat filled the large space, completely dominating all my senses as soon as I walked in. I closed the door and my eyes zoned in towards the bed. I frowned... the gold quilt was missing as well as the occupant that should be sleeping there.
Alice's thoughts entered my head with a soft chuckle. "Apparently it was unnecessary" and that was it. She silently left my mind at peace as her and Jasper walked out the front door hand in hand, not doubt planning on taking one of their nightly walks.
I walked over to the couch and knelt down next to the sleeping form. Bella looked so tiny curled up in the huge blanket; my arms literally ached to hold her. She was on her side in her usual form of sleep; her hair lying across the side of her face in gentle waves, her soft warm breath blowing quietly from her nose and slightly opened mouth.
Unable to resist I leaned down inhaling. My eyes closed as my entire body welcomed in the familiarities. It was like everything about her was made just for me, every strand of soft hair, every beautiful curve, every delicate finger...all for me.
I found myself wondering how I ever managed to live all those years without her, when just these last two days felt like an eternity. How did I even continue? As of now she was the only thing binding me to this life, the only thing that kept me sane, kept me alive.
And soon she was going to be at my side, my very own... forever.
How incredibly selfish I was to rejoice in that thought.
I gently slid my arms under her body, one behind her legs and the other under her back before I slowly lifted her up, making sure the blanket stayed between her and my cold body.
She of course felt like near nothing. I cringed slightly at how much lighter she was. She had always felt extremely small in my arms but now it was even more so. My leaving her had taken so much out of her... both mentally and physically.
Walking over to the bed, I rearranged her so she was in one arm and used my free hand to peel back the sheets. Before I laid her down I held her close for one second more, burying my face in her hair and inhaling that excruciating pleasure. Now that I had her in my arms again it was hard to put her down.
But I did and she didn't stir once from her deep sleep as I lightly placed her on the cream colored sheets. After rearranging the blanket so it was spread back over the bed I pulled it up to her shoulder and walked around to the other side. Making sure Bella was completely under the covers first I carefully slid next to her.
My body reacted at once to her presence, and though I kept my distance like every other night I couldn't help but move a bit closer, to feel the heat radiating off her.
As soon as I had lain down however, she turned in her sleep and like she always did, wiggled her way over to my side, curling back up into her usual ball with her head nearly touching my arm. I slid further down my pillow, lying on my side so I could stare into her beautiful sleeping face and smell her sweet breath.
She seemed so peaceful, her eyelids were relaxed, her forehead smoothed from the worrying that formed there day after day. She had so much to deal with, so much more than anyone her age should have to deal with... and it was all because of me, because she knew and loved all of us... so completely.
Reaching over I gently ran a finger along a strand of her hair, following it down as it cascaded over her cheek and over her shoulder. I smiled when she gave a soft sigh and moved closer, it was like she always knew when I was there even in unconsciousness.
My sweet innocent Bella, how I would miss these moments... miss watching her sleeping face, miss hearing her say my name in her dreams, and above all... I would miss that steady heart beat. I was so tuned into its sound.
That soft thump of life was a part of me now; I never wanted it to stop. The thought of hearing it beat one last time was unbearable...I knew it would cause me physical pain to hear its end.
I wanted Bella with me always...forever; I wanted her for myself, wanted to make it so she could never be taken away.
But for her?
I wanted so much more than that.
I wanted her to go to collage and find something she truly enjoyed, I wanted her have the experience of working hard and then feel the satisfaction of finally reaching that goal.
I wanted her to always have that beautiful smile on her face, to never feel pain or fear again. And -even though it pained me to even think it- I wanted her to find a normal...human love, I wanted her to have children, wanted her to watch them grow and learn.
I wanted her to live life... not just exist through it.
So many things I sought for her to have and yet I could never give them, no matter how hard I tried.
I felt her stretch under the covers and I pulled myself back to the present... away from the thoughts that seem to drown me every time I let them seep through.
Bella had now turned over facing away from me. Though there was no light in the room I could still see her clearly. Her hand reached over to the side of the bed and felt around before she turned back over, her eyes open and full of confusion.
She looked around a minute, but considering it was pitch black her eyes could not see me or the bed I had laid her in.
"Sorry" I murmured softly, perhaps I should have left her on the couch, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't pleased she had woken up. "I didn't mean to wake you"
I felt her body tense and heard her heart skip a beat.
This surprised me, had I frightened her or was I about to hear the thing that would put Grizzlies to shame? I didn't want her to be angry with me. She had been angry with me enough lately and it hurt every time. I knew I had many apologies to make for my actions lately and I could only hope she would once again forgive me.
Instead of fury however I saw her arms reach out in the darkness. Her warm hands found my face and then my neck.
As she pulled herself towards me, I gladly wrapped my arm around her waist holding her to my chest and basking in the sweet moment of reunion regardless of the fact she was probably still furious with me.
I felt her soft lips begin to kiss my neck hungrily, moving steadily up to my chin. As she made contact with my lips I felt a shock of excitement run through my body all the way down through my legs and into my feet. I kissed her back, all too eager to give her what she wanted, to give myself what I wanted.
Though this was not what I was expecting I would gladly take this as an exchange. I chuckled softly, my Bella never failed to take me by surprise. "I was all braced for the wrath that would put grizzlies to shame, and this is what I get? I should infuriate you more often"
"Give me a moment to work up to it" she said lightly once again pushing her lips into mine. I reached up and tangled my hand through her hair. The soft strands sliding like silk through my cold fingers.
"I'll wait as long as you want" I whispered into her lips.
"Maybe in the morning" she said her voice becoming breathless as she continued her warm kisses.
I began to trail my own kisses along her jaw. "Whatever you prefer"
After a few more moments of silent the reunion, mostly between our lips, Bella spoke again.
"Welcome home...I'm glad you came back"
I smiled against her neck, "That's a good thing"
I took a deep breath through my nose, drinking in the intoxicating aroma made all the more potent as the blood began to flow heavily through her veins, pushed forward by her now rapid heart beat. I could see her pulse beating quickly against the pale skin of her neck and smiled. Perhaps it was time to show her exactly why I thought this bed was necessary.
I moved my hand down her arm feeling the goose bumps rise up on her heated skin. The feel of the soft textured flesh sent very human urges through me and didn't stop till my hand was behind her leg, then cupping the back of her calf I pulled her up, wrapping her around my waist.
Her heart accelerated and her breathing stopped.
Leaning forward I hid me face in the base of her neck, lightly kissing her again. The beautiful concave of her throat and it's delicious smell welcoming me in. "Not to bring on the ire prematurely" I whispered over her loud breathing "but do you mind telling me what it is about this bed that you object to?'
I rolled quickly onto my back, placing her body against mine. I held her heated face in my hands and lifted her head up to give me better access to her throat. She didn't answer so I went on.
"The bed?...I think it's nice" actually I though it was perfect, doing this would be impossible on the couch and her much smaller bed at Charlie's.
"It's unnecessary" she finally gasped out.
Ah, to the contrary I thought it was very necessary. Very convenient too.
A part of me was warning me to slow down a bit before I lost myself completely in the moment. We had never really tested this type of action and I could feel those manly urges building up.
I wanted so much more than this, needed so much more than this. I wasn't ready to stop just yet and Bella's over powering heart beat and shallow breathing pushed me on.
I pulled her face to mine again unable to resist not touching her soft lips any longer. Very slowly and with great caution I turned over placing her fragile body beneath mine never breaking our kiss. I knew one wrong slip, one sudden unconscious move and I could easily kill her under my weight.
But I knew what I was doing; I would cause her no harm.
Her heart rate picked up even more at the sudden change in position and I couldn't help but laugh quietly at her reaction, I would make her love this bed yet.
"That's debatable" I said "This would be difficult on a couch"
Through our passionate kiss I lightly traced my tongue along her warm bottom lip, somewhat a payback if you will, for her little slip up a few weeks ago.
The taste was unbelievable. The thin layer of skin was not enough to hide that luscious taste I had experienced only once before.
The beast roared and clawed in the cage I had set for him, but there was no escaping. I was in control of that particular urge, but the man inside me was a different story.
He was slowly winning over...this was not enough, not nearly enough.
I wanted to go further and it became clear Bella also had the same thought.
"Did you change your mind?" she asked in breathless surprise.
Talk about killing the mood. I sighed and rolled off her, landing back on my side. I knew what she had meant and I couldn't blame her for getting the wrong impression. I had went a little further than I planned to, but still I had told her more than once it wasn't possible.
"Don't be ridiculous Bella" I said disapprovingly, she should know by now. "I was just trying to illustrate the benefits of the bed you don't seem to like. Don't get carried away"
"Too late" she muttered.
I sighed again, I didn't mean to do this to her, she was after all only human and if she was feeling anything close to what I was feeling then I had yet another thing to apologize for.
"And I like the bed" she added and I couldn't help but smile, that was a good thing.
"Good...I do, too."
"But I still think it's unnecessary" she went on "if we're not going to get carried away what's the point?"
I breathed out, trying to keep my patience "For the hundredth time, Bella...it's too dangerous"
"I like danger"
The image of her flying down the road on the red motorcycle flashed in front of my eyes again "I know" I said more roughly than I meant to.
"I'll tell you what's dangerous" she went on more quickly. "I'm going to spontaneously combust one of these days...and you'll have no one but yourself to blame"
Alright fine...if she thought of it that way, why make it more difficult. I began to extract myself from her arms, and pulled away. Her reaction was just as I expected. Fragile fingers curled into fists, gripping the front of my shirt. "What are you doing?"
"Protecting you from combustion. If this is too much for you..."
"I can handle it" she said hurriedly, pulling herself closer to me. I curled her back into my chest. I shouldn't have gotten carried away like that...it just wasn't fair, for either of us.
"I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression" I murmured into her hair "I didn't mean to make you unhappy. That wasn't nice"
"Actually, it was very, very nice"
I wondered if she knew how very tempting she could make her voice. How much I wanted her right now, how much her willingness and stubbornness made it all the more difficult to resist. I took a deep breath trying to put myself back into control
"Aren't you tired? I should let you sleep"
"No, I'm not." She answered at once "I don't mind if you want to give me the wrong impression again"
There she goes again... she was like a little beast, poking relentlessly at the sleeping dragon. A very beautiful and enticing beast I longed to give in to.
"That's probably a bad idea; you're not the only one who gets carried away"
"Yes, I am" she grumbled. I laughed at that...if only she knew.
"You have no idea, Bella. It doesn't help that you are so eager to undermine my self-control, either..."
In fact in was downright maddening. It was like denying a glass of ice water in the middle of the dessert when someone was waving it in front of your face.
"I'm not going to apologize for that"
"Can I apologize?" I asked quietly
She hesitated, her eyes becoming confused "For what?"
"You were angry with me remember?"
"I'm sorry. I was wrong."
Once again wrong with what I thought was the right, and once again I ended up only hurting her and asking for forgiveness.
"It's much easier to have the proper perspective when I have you safely here...I go a little berserk when I try to leave you. I don't think I'll go so far again. It's not worth it."
I tightened my hold on her. I knew what I had to do, what I had planned to tell her but when it came down to it, it felt impossible to let her go...to let her out of my sight.
"Didn't you find any mountain lions?" I could hear the smile in her voice and I felt my lips twitch.
"Yes, I did, actually. Still not worth the anxiety. I'm sorry I had Alice hold you hostage, though. That was a bad idea"
"I won't do it again" I promised.
"Okay" she said simply, and I was once again granted forgiveness so very easily. My Bella was too kind hearted. I found myself once again asking why I deserved such a magnificent creature.
The answer to that, of course was... I didn't ... but I would take the miracle nonetheless.
"But slumber parties do have their advantages..." she went on pressing herself closer to my body. The heat spread through my frame, relaxing my muscles, and urging me to close the small distance and kiss that beautiful face once again. Before I could however Bella had ducked her head and kissed my collar bone, sending warm chills down my chest and into my stomach.
"You can hold me hostage any time you want"
"Mmm...I may take you up on that"
"So is it my turn now?" she asked resting her chin on my chest and looking up, trying to see through the darkness.
"Your turn?" I was the one confused now
"What do you have to apologize for?"
"Aren't you mad at me?"
"No" I said honestly, why would I be mad at her? I was the one who freaked out and went over board, treating her like a child while I went away. If anything I was the one who needed to apologize again.
I saw her brows pull together in the darkness and I could tell she was trying to see my face, but it was still too dark in here for her human eyes.
"Didn't you see Alice when you got home?"
"Are you going to take her Porsche back?"
Why did everyone keep thinking that? Did they really think I was that mean? I had gotten Alice the car for more reasons than just watching over Bella. "Of course not. It was a gift"
She became more puzzled her facial expression almost humorous.
"Don't you want to know what I did?"
Ah, so that's what she was getting at. I of course already knew... did she expect me to be angry with her? It's not like I wasn't expecting it to happen, if anything I was angrier at how she had gotten to the reservation and back rather than actually going.
She lifted her face up more and I felt her fingers running along my features, her soft brown eyes straining in the darkness, trying in vain to see my face.
"I'm always interested in everything you do..."I said honestly shrugging my shoulders "But you don't have to tell me if you don't want to"
"But I went to La Push"
"And I ditched school"
"So did I"
Her fingers paused and her eyes narrowed. "Where did all this tolerance come from?"
"I decided that you were right. My problem before was more about my...prejudice against werewolves than anything else. I'm going to try to be more reasonable and trust your judgment. If you say it's safe than I'll believe you"
There I said it, but saying it and being able to do it was two different things.
"And...more importantly...I'm not willing to let this drive a wedge between us."
I wasn't willing to let anything do that, not ever.
She stared at me for a second longer before nodding and laying her head back on my chest. Even though I felt better getting this new understanding between us, it wasn't enough to alleviate the dread that was steadily growing at the thought of the next time she would leave.
"So" I began, keeping my voice light and in control "Did you make plans to go back to La Push soon?"
I felt her tense against me; her silence telling me she had mistaken my words. "Just so that I can make my own plans..." I quickly explained. "I don't want you to feel like you have to hurry back because I'm sitting around waiting for you"
Despite the fact that that's probably what I would be doing. That is if I wasn't waiting at the border line the whole time. Then again perhaps that wouldn't be the best idea, I would be too tempted to follow and that was the last thing we needed.
"No" she finally said and I was surprised to hear the suppressed emotion in her voice. "I don't have plans to go back"
"Oh...You don't have to do that for me"
"I don't think I'm welcome anymore" she whispered and I was shocked when I began to smell her sweet tears. My instincts instantly kicked in, what had happened to upset her like this? I tried to not sound angry when I asked "Did you run over someone's cat?" I was trying to make her laugh, but it was hopeless. I suddenly remembered Alice's words from earlier. "She seemed pretty upset"
"No" Bella said and then she drew in a shaky breath. "I thought Jacob would have realized...I didn't think it would surprise him..."
She hesitated and I waited.
So they had had an argument? Over what? What could have happened to have her so upset and so seemingly sad? I hated how much power Jacob Black had over her and absolutely loathed how he seemed to always use that to his advantage.
"He wasn't expecting...that it was so soon" Bella finally went on; the emotion she was trying so desperately to hide becoming more apparent in her voice.
"Ah" now I understood. Jacob had found out Bella had only till graduation. At least as far as she was concerned, I wasn't going to give up on convincing her for more time.
"He said he'd rather see me dead"
I froze as that last broken word passed through her lips.
All reason to allow her to return, to allow her to spend time with that unworthy mutt was quickly washed away.
In fact I felt the sudden urge to run down there right now and show him what I'd rather see.
How could he say that? After everything Bella had been through, everything she had been doing just to see him, to see the person she considered her best friend and he goes and says something like that straight to her face.
I crushed her into my chest, I could nearly feel the hurt and pain in the air. It was rolling off in waves, straight from her body and into mine. "I'm so sorry" it was the only thing I could say. The only thing that seemed appropriate.
"I thought you'd be glad" she whispered.
Glad? She was in pain right now and she thought I would be glad over that. "Glad over something that's hurt you?" I was slightly offended, she should now me better than that by now. "I don't think so Bella"
She relaxed back into me with a sigh. I hoped she had finally decided to go to sleep. Maybe once she was unconscious I could make a trip to La Push.
I couldn't do that; it would cause too much trouble and hurt too many people, especially Bella. She had been wounded enough by his words without my added actions.
I tried to relax but it was impossible, her hurt filled words still ran through my head. The meaning of what he had said still scorched at my nerves...it made my hands restless and eager to snap something, preferably bone.
If only he knew what it felt like to have that statement be true...knew what that ripping torment felt like when it slashed through your chest making you gasp for air you know you don't deserve to breath, because she was no longer breathing it.
"What's wrong?" Bella asked, pulling me back from that dark abyss, her voice easing the pain back again.
"It's nothing" I answered, she didn't want to hear what was wrong, what I was thinking, it would only make things worse.
"You can tell me" she insisted.
"It might make you angry" I really didn't want her to mad at me again, not after I had just been forgiven.
"I still want to know"
I sighed, always so stubborn. "I could quite literally kill him for saying that to you. I want to."
I Wanted to right now... I wanted him to choke painfully on his words, I wanted to make him feel twice the amount of pain he had caused her and then some.
Bella laughed quietly, though I could still hear the hurt beneath it "I guess it's a good thing you've got so much self-control"
"I could slip"
"If you're going to have a lapse in control, I can think of a better place for it"
That damn voice again, she was seriously trying to drive me crazy there was no other explanation. Combustion was going to be the least of my problems one of these days.
She grabbed my face and was trying desperately to lean forward again, but I held her tighter. "Must I always be the responsible one?'
I saw her grin slyly in the dark, that alluring beast was once again showing her lovely face.
It was so very hard to resist it.
"No. Let me be in charge of responsibility for a few minutes...or hours"
"Wait..." she said quickly "There was something else I wanted to ask you about"
"I was talking to Rosalie last night..."
I felt myself stiffen.
I wondered how she had taken the entire story, Rosalie's words had to of had some kind of effect on her.
Maybe if I was lucky she would have been persuaded to wait a little longer, to think everything through more thoroughly. Or perhaps... it was hard to think of...but maybe; just maybe she had changed her mind.
That would be the best way, though the very thought was agonizing, the thought that one day she would leave me.
"Yes. She was thinking about that when I got in. She gave you quite a lot to consider, didn't she" I tried to keep my voice as natural as possible but it was a bit difficult all things considered.
"She told me a little bit...about the time your family lived in Denali."
Whatever I had been thinking about, whatever I thought she had been thinking about...it didn't involve this.
"Yes?" I asked puzzled.
"She mentioned something about a bunch of female vampires...and you"
Now more than ever I wished I had paid more attention to Rosalie's thoughts instead of rushing upstairs.
What could she of said about that time? Why would she say anything in the first place?
It's not like I ever did anything with any of them...not even when Tonya...ugh I hoped she didn't mention anything about that. But then again this was Rosalie we were talking about; she could have said anything and added all she wanted.
"Don't worry" she said breaking my thoughts, I wondered how long the silence had been.
Why couldn't I think of anything to say?
"She told me you didn't...show any preference. But I was just wondering, you know, if any of them had. Shown a preference for you, I mean"
What was I suppose to say to that? Should I tell her there was more than one but only one blatantly showed that fact?
Here I was once again not speaking, not answering Bella's question. Why was that?
I began to feel something very foreign rise up in me...what was it?
I heard her heart pick up a bit and smelled the sweet scent of a blush.
"Which one?" She asked, her eyes once again narrowed. "Or was there more than one?"
Now I know if I say anything it will only make things worse. I knew how self conscious Bella already was...but that whole affair was totally irrelevant.
Once again I hadn't answered her question though.
Was this feeling... embarrassment?
How very odd...who would have thought a vampire could feel such a thing. Well if it was, at least I was still incapable of blushing.
"Alice will tell me" I felt her move to get up and I gripped her more tightly. This was ridiculous; Bella was talking about something that happened years before we even moved to Forks. And it really wasn't anything she needed to fret over.
"It's late...and besides I think Alice stepped out"
"It's bad" she said, her voice getting a bit louder as her heart rate picked up dramatically. "It's really bad isn't it?"
I leaned forward and planted a kiss on the end of her nose. "Calm down, Bella...You're being absurd"
"Am I? Then why won't you tell me?"
I nearly started laughing at her reaction; it seemed my Bella was actually jealous... I wondered why that felt pleasing all of the sudden. It must be another human response; I seemed to be gaining those more frequently lately.
But regardless of how cute she currently looked, she was worrying for no reason.
"Because there's nothing to tell" I reassured her. "You're blowing this wildly out of proportion"
I sighed, it was clear she wasn't going to drop it. "Tanya expressed a little interest. I let her know, in a very gentlemanly fashion, that I did not return that interest. End of story"
No need to actually get into the part where she had practically thrown herself on my one day, in front of both our families. And I really didn't need to add the part where I had just stood there like a complete idiot, not sure -at first- of what to do.
I could see her looking through the darkness again, trying once again to see my face. "Tell me something...what does Tanya look like?'
"Just like the rest of us...white skin, gold eyes" I answered immediately.
"And of course, extraordinarily beautiful"
I shrugged my shoulders. I suppose she was beautiful, but just like Rosalie she was nothing more than a very annoying sister to me...with the added irritation of her flirting whenever I was in her presence.
"I suppose to human eyes" I agreed, trying not to let the smile show through in my voice. I leaned forward "You know what, though?"
"What?" she asked still sounding upset.
"I prefer brunettes" I whispered into her ear.
"She's a blonde. That figures"
I chuckled softly, running my lips along her heated cheek. "Strawberry blonde...not at all my type" I murmured letting my head fall down to her throat again and back up.
When it came to my Angel there was no competition, and it was time she realized that.
"I guess that's okay, then" she said into the darkness. I didn't stop my exploration of her delicious smelling skin as I spoke. "Hmm...you're quite adorable when you're jealous. It's surprisingly enjoyable"
It seemed she had finally dropped the subject and as my lips stopped exploring her throat I felt her relax, her head falling back into my chest.
"It's late" I breathed "Sleep my Bella. Dream happy dreams. You are the only one to ever touch my heart. It will always be yours. Sleep, my only love"
Like I had done so many times before I began to hum the tune I knew she couldn't resist. After all the sooner she fell asleep the sooner she would wake and the sooner I would see those beautiful eyes again.
It wasn't long before her soft snores filled the room. She was still curled up in my chest and I knew I would have to move her back some before long, but for now I was too at peace to move her.
I let all my worries and anxieties slip away for the time being.
I knew they would return full force by morning but for now nothing else mattered...
Not Jacob Black, either
Nor even the looming graduation date creeping up all too quickly.
Because regardless of all that, right now I had all I needed.
Bella was in my arms... I was forgiven... the gap between us had been closed before it had even begun.... and her beautiful heart was still beating.
In this night...In this very moment everything thing was perfect.
- Seed of Doubt
- Unwilling to see
- The Right to Know
- Strike One
- Worth It
- Getting Heathcliff
- Curious Uncertainties
- Strike Two
- Not Today
- Getting Heathcliff Part 2
- Self Preservation
- A Change of Plans
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- 06 Jul 08
- 12 Mar 10
- In Progress