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Who We Are

Summary:
Sequel to 'What We Become'. Two years have passed since Bella gave birth to the twins. Things have changed, but things have also stayed the same.
Horrors keep coming back to scare Bella, and soon she is afraid to even get lose to Edward. What can happen when you forget what happens most?


Notes:
AN: So this is a bit of an introduction to the second part of my series. We shall see how this unfolds, and that will tell me whether or not there will be a third part. Sounds good? So, to new readers, it would be wise to go back and read "What We Become." Believe me, you won't be dissapointed.


10. Chapter 10

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1326   Review this Chapter

Chapter 9

The hair at my temples is damp with sweat. Just lower, my cheeks are only a blush of heated pink. The rest of my face is a pale, cold representation of where my life is heading. This curse.. This cancer growing inside me was ruining me; making me hideous. I no longer looked at myself in the mirror. A sheet, decorated with Winnie The Pooh cartoons is thrown over the mirror in the bedroom, and the one in the bathroom has recently been removed. I’m afraid of what I will see when I look at my reflection. Is this what Edward would love?

Friday night beneath the stars,in a field behind your yard,you and I are paintin' pictures in the sky.And sometimes we don't say a thing;just listen to the crickets sing.Everything I need is right here by my side.And I know everything about youI don't wanna live without you.

Now, as the day for that dreaded, yet anticipated, surgery has arrived, I feel sick. Sick to the core. Physically, my stomach has failed to tell me when I’m hungry, my mind to tell me when I should sleep. So, I don’t eat. I rarely sleep. Edward noticed. He has set me to a schedule. An entire plan so that he can keep me going, he can keep me alive. No matter how long that may be. Sick.

With a warm and gentle hold on my elbow and waist, Edward leads me into the passenger seat of the Escalade. My mind would be working at a hundred times a minute, but now it’s silent. I’m unable to put together a coherent thought. I can’t keep my fingers from twitching. As Edward shift the car into drive, he curls his fingers around mine. I look up at him. He’s looking straight ahead, but from his profile, his eyebrows are pulled together. He’s tense; he’s trying. It was far worse with the children.

Esme held their hands, one on each side, as we stood together on the Cullen’s front porch. The sun was still warm on my back, though it was after four. I bent down and pulled them towards me. They wrapped their small arms around my neck. I had to suck in a gasp. I knew exactly what I was going to be leaving behind if I didn’t make it through. I knew what it would do to them. I pulled back. Anna lifted the back of her hand and swept her fist across her tear filled eyes. Every few seconds she took in an audible hiccup. My heart felt like it was going to break into millions of pieces. I kissed her wet cheeks and more tears slid down her face. She knew what was going to happen. I pushed back her curls and held her to my shoulder. “I love you my darling.” I whispered. “You too.” I held my children against me.

“Love you, Momma.” Henry whispered. He wasn’t crying. He was my strong little boy. I closed my eyes, trying my best to smile for them. I stood up and began walking towards Edward. “No!” Henry cried behind me. I felt him as he wrapped his arms around my leg. He began to wail, tears pouring down his small, beautiful face. “Don’t go!! I want to come too! Don’t leave us, Momma!” The sun set within me.

The night before the hospital trip was something I knew was going to be emotional. I was curled into the bed, my mind wandering, imagining things that would be happening tomorrow. Edward’s weight on the bed was sudden and I waited for him to lay down. I listened as his breathing changed, as he took off his shoes and socks, his shirt and pants. And then he was beside me. I didn’t expect him to curl himself around me. It hurt anyways, he had given up on me many months ago. I turned over and looked at him. He was on his back, on arm behind his head, the other across his stomach. His eyes were closed, hard lines shadowed his eyes and lips. Lines that had not been there only days before. I knew what I was doing to him. My insides clenched. I lifted my fingers and slid them down his face from temple to chin. His eyes opened and he looked at me. I rested my hand on his shoulder and just stared into his eyes.

“Is something wrong?” He whispered. I shook my head. He looked concerned as he watched my movements. As I lifted his hand and brought it to my face. As I kissed his palm. He let out a long breath. A sigh. Of contempt or not I didn’t know.

“I love you, Edward.” I whispered.

“You know I love you more than my own life.” He brought his fingers down my neck and arm.

“I need you.” I whispered after a moment.

“Bella, I --”

“Please, Edward. I need you. Tonight.”

“Okay.” He pulled me closer and I brought my lips to his.

I'm only up when you're not down.
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground.
It's like no matter what I do.
Well you drive me crazy half the time;
the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.
And I'm only me when I'm with you.

Just a small town boy and girl
livin' in a crazy world.
Tryin' to figure out what is and isn't true.
And I don't try to hide my tears.
The secrets or my deepest fears.
Through it all nobody gets me like you do.
And you know everything about me.
You say you can't live without me

Here I sat waiting for the nurses to come in and wheel me away to my doom. This was where the fear kicked in. My breathing grew harsh, faint. I held so tightly to Edward’s hand that I wondered how he could not pull away. Maybe it wasn’t as tight as I thought it was. I was weak and he was always stronger than me.

“Knock knock” A nurse walked in and gave me a friendly smile. I tried my finest to return it. “Are you ready?“

“No, but let’s get this over with.” Another doctor walked in. I turned and met Edward’s lips. He had the same thing on his mind. I tried to show, tell him how much I loved him in the short time we had, and he picked up on it. His despair and fear was pouring into me. I pulled away and stared into my husbands eyes. He tried to smile, and I noticed the effort it took. But I could see in his eyes that he was just as scared as I was. One slow breath could calm my voice down enough to speak to him.

"Everything is going to be okay." I whispered. He slid his cheek against mine. He should have felt hair where it should me, seen my blush where it should have come, but nothing was the same anymore.

"I know." He mumbled, his voice covered in tears. "Bella, I love you."

"I know." I whispered back, and I too could not keep my tears back.

"Don't you leave me." He said as he pulled back, and it was me who pushed away his tears. I nodded. "Now go get better." This was his permission for the nurses to wheel away my bed into the OR. Or my death, as I knew it would be. I stared into his green eyes the entire trip down the hallway. And then he was gone.

That I'm only up when you're not down.
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground.
It's like no matter what I do.
Well you drive me crazy half the time;
the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.
And I'm only me
Who I wanna be
Well, I'm only me when I'm with you