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Who We Are

Summary:
Sequel to 'What We Become'. Two years have passed since Bella gave birth to the twins. Things have changed, but things have also stayed the same.
Horrors keep coming back to scare Bella, and soon she is afraid to even get lose to Edward. What can happen when you forget what happens most?


Notes:
AN: So this is a bit of an introduction to the second part of my series. We shall see how this unfolds, and that will tell me whether or not there will be a third part. Sounds good? So, to new readers, it would be wise to go back and read "What We Become." Believe me, you won't be dissapointed.


9. Chapter 9

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1765   Review this Chapter

Chapter 9

Black and Gold by Sam Sparro

If the fish swam out of the ocean
and grew legs and they started walking
and the apes climbed down from the trees
and grew tall and they started talking

and the stars fell out of the sky
and my tears rolled into the ocean
now I'm looking for a reason why
you even set my world into motion

'cause if you're not really here
then the stars don't even matter
now I'm filled to the top with fear
but it's all just a bunch of matter
'cause if you're not really here
then I don't want to be either
I wanna be next to you
black and gold
black and gold
black and gold

Edward’s Pov

They kept her there for a long while. It came to the point where I was forced to leave, forced to take care of the twins, forced to leave Bella in this hospital alone. Carlisle had to go home as well; he had to sleep sometimes.

I don’t really think the children knew what was going on. Of course they had come to the age where they knew the hospital was were you went when you were sick-- we had some false alarms when they decided on a random day to act sick just to take a drive--, but I don’t believe they really understood how terrible it really was. They were excited as I was though, when the time came that their mother could come home… However long that would be.

The day after it became widely known that my Bella had to make her choice, which didn’t take time for her at all, my sister and my best friend showed their faces. I knew it was my father who had called them, and I didn’t blame him. I wasn’t angry; I expected it. Alice saw my face and hers turned to mirror mine, crumpled in pain. I held her slight frame against my chest as she cried. I never knew that it would be me giving comfort to my sister, when Bella was my wife. Bella and Alice had become close friends, and she loved her too. This was why I hadn’t wanted Alice to come. I knew that it would hurt her.

I knew that Rosalie was in pain too, because they had been friends much longer, but I hadn’t a clue how to comfort her. All I ever knew about her in high school was that she was the ever-popular girlfriend to my ever-popular older brother. I couldn’t help being glad that Emmett was there to comfort her. I had to give my brother some credit for that.

Now, a week later, I had not spoken so much as proper etiquette to my darling. Every time I tried to bring up the surgery, bring up anything, she would let me off with a murmur or a nod, and then leave the room or faux sleep. She could still walk, slowly. It seemed as if any amount of movement at all would make her nauseous, and she would have to sit down again. She would cringe if I touched her, look away if I tried to search her eyes. She looked at me as if I was a stranger, not her husband or the father of her children. Not the one who loved her with all his being. I looked at her as if she were the centre of my universe, because she always was.

And she always will be. It was going to be a month before the actual surgery took place. I was angry because the date was so far away. Wouldn't the chance of her surviving be higher if the surgery was now!
I loved her with all my heart, with all my being. And her feelings had changed. But I wanted her more than anything.
Maybe...
No. It wasn't going to work.
She hated me. And I wanted her so bad to love me again, because I would have nothing if I didn’t have her. I needed her. I needed to fix everything, tell her everything she already knew.
I guess I owed it to her to talk to her about the locker, about the diamonds. About my entire life being devoted to keeping my family happy. But she didn’t want to talk to me. I had nothing to do but to wait until she decided to consult me. I just hoped it would be sometime before…. Here I was doing it again! I closed my eyes and held back the tears. I had to be strong, I had to keep myself strong enough to take care of her, to be there even if she would rather have it any other way. I would always be here.

I looked up into the night sky
and see a thousand eyes staring back
and all around these golden beacons
I see nothing but black

I feel a way of something beyond them
I don't see what I can feel
if vision is the only validation
then most of my life isn't real

I stood at the door to our bedroom. A soft glow, coming from the street light outside, left everything in a dream like haze. But this was anything but a dream. My wife, pale as ever, lay motionless in our bed. A child on either side of her, curled in her arms. One with wild, curly copper hair. The other, dark haired and dark eyed-- a vision of his mother. I took a deep breath to keep down the emotions. And then I took a step into the room. My Bella’s eyes shot open and she watched me as I walked around the bed and got undressed. I slid underneath the covers and propped my head up on my arm. Bella didn’t turn her head to look at me. I used my hand to push back Anna’s hair. She murmured sleepily and rolled over and into my arms. I held her against me as she slept. Bella took in a short breath and closed her eyes again.

“I quit my job at the shop.” I whispered steadily. Bella’s body tensed, but she didn’t open her eyes. I took in a breath and started again. “I want to be here for you, take care of you.”

“Like you didn’t do before.” She whispered. I didn’t look up to see if she was watching me.

“I was taking care of you, all of you. I wanted you to be happy.”

“We weren’t. I wasn’t. I needed you here, not indulging in illegal rushing just to get some money..” Her voice trailed off. She cleared her throat to get some energy. “We could have borrowed from your parents, they had a lot to spare.”

My eyebrows came together. At any other time I would have been angry. But I couldn’t be, not now. “You told me that we had to do anything we could to make it on our own.” I said after I had calmed down. “You did not want my parents involved, although they would have done anything for us. You--”

“Please. Please just stop.” Bella sniffed and turned her head away.

“Why?” I asked, sitting up and looking down at her. Anna grumbled, irritated and crawled deeper into the blankets. “Tell me why, Bella. I’m through with this. I don’t want to stop. I want to fight. I want to argue with you until the cows come home! Because then I know that you’re the same Bella. That you still love me.” I hissed through my teeth. Bella opened her eyes and looked at me.

“You’re being dramatic.” She said.

“Am I? Is that what I’m being? Because between you and me there has been no drama in quite some time.” I waited. Time passed. “Say something.”

“What do you want me to say?” She moaned. “I have nothing to say.”

“Tell me. You don’t love me anymore?” I whispered, almost inaudible. It hurt because I anticipated what she was going to say. “Tell me that everything we have felt, everything that we worked for was for nothing. From that moment you seduced me at the bonfire, to the time when I found out I was going to be a father. From the moment I saw my words bring tears to your eyes at our wedding. And every moment when I touched you, and you touched me back. Every time I knew you loved me, just because you told me so.” I felt no more like a man as my voice turned hoarse, and tears welled up behind me eyes. “Tell me it now, Bella. Because I still love you now as much as I loved you when I first made love to you. It will never change. I will never change. So tell me now that you hate me. Tell me now.” I said loudly, my teeth ground together. Bella watched me carefully, and then she took in a slight gasp, biting her lower lip.

“Okay. I’ll tell you.” she murmured. My heart began to crack, break. I closed my eyes. “But it wouldn’t be true.” She whispered. Her breath filled my face. I opened my eyes and she was there, sitting in front of me. Henry lying in her place on the bed. “I love you Edward. I do. Just the same. I just… so many emotions -- and…” I wouldn’t let her speak any longer. I needed proof. So I put my hands on either side of her face and kissed her. And then I knew, through her tongue and her lips, the emotions that we had been keeping held down, could still be saved. Everything could be how it was supposed to be. All we had to do now was grow up. And wait.

'cause if you're not really here
then the stars don't even matter
now I'm filled to the top with fear
but it's all just a bunch of matter
'cause if you're not really here
then I don't want to be either
I wanna be next to you
black and gold
black and gold
black and gold

Rosalie dropped the box into the garbage, turned off the bathroom light and came into the moon of the bedroom. Emmett’s bedroom.. .The room in his parent’s home. It could never be better than this, she thought sarcastically, but smiled anyway. Emmett came through the bedroom door as she left the bedroom. And he took in the emotions on her face. Rosalie opened her mouth to speak and Emmett’s lips turned into a expectant grin. Rosalie closed her mouth, smiled back, and nodded.

It took no time at all for Emmett to start cheering and take his wife into his arms. “Yes!”