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A Banana in Your Ear

It's the last day of Bella's transformation, and Edward's been gloom for the last few days. What will Alice and Emmett do to try to cheer him up? By both me and vampireluver1313. She had the idea, I wrote it, and she beta-ed it.


1. Put a banana in your ear

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 1046   Review this Chapter

I can’t believe I had agreed to this. At the moment I had, I was just happy she had finally agreed to marry me. At that time, I hadn’t known how much pain it would cause me to watch her writhe in pain. And to know that I’m the one who inflicted it.

It was pretty much midnight, about the time I had bitten her about two days ago. She had fiercely said she was ready to spend eternity with me when I had asked her if she was still sure she wanted to do this. I had sat here, never leaving her side as I watched the transformation take place. The rest of my family looked on anxiously, knowing I wouldn’t speak at all until afterwards, after she woke up.

I remembered the day she married me. After all, how could I forget, with her wedding ring twinkling up at me the entire time? It was a lavish wedding, all thanks to Alice. Bella would never forgive her for it, but I definitely loved it. I loved her. Bella was beautiful, with her hair piled elegantly on her head, and a blush spreading across her lovely cheeks. Oh, how she smiled when she saw me at the alter. My dead heart nearly burst with joy. The vows went by in a flash, and suddenly I was kissing her. Then I realized: I just got married. It had seemed silly to Bella at the time I had asked her: a 100 something year old vampire marrying an 18 year old angel, or what she seemed to be to me. But I didn’t care. I was finally married to the love of my…well...existence. Life just doesn’t seem to cut it.

Words could not describe what had happened that night. It was…beyond amazing. I don’t remember why I ever held back, it was great to give in to my adolescent 17 year old hormones.

I heard quiet footsteps behind me. I was pretty sure it was just one of my family members, walking past to make sure Bella was okay. I knew they were all getting a little worried, as was I. I was pretty sure she should’ve woken up by now. But I ’ll wait. I can be patient, but only if I want to be. I heard the door creak, and then creak shut. Every time I opened that door, I reminded myself to grease the hinges on the door. Although I never did. It bothered me every time someone opened that door, but I never did grease the hinges.

I let my eyes lay on my angel, Bella, again. Her brown hair was mostly off to the left of her head, although there were a few strands straying on the right side. Her arms were splayed above her head. Her eyes were shut closed and her teeth clenched hard. I knew she was trying to be strong, trying not to scream, though I knew her natural instinct was to scream, without even reading her mind. It was still cut off to me. It really bothered me, but I knew that she liked it that way.

Suddenly, I felt something squishy in my ear.

“Edward, you look quite down,” Alice sang, while coming to dance around me.

“With your big fat eyes and your big fat frown. The world doesn’t have to be so gray!” Emmet sang, though his voice much lower than Alice’s high soprano.
“Edward, when you're life's a mess,” they sang in unison. “When you’re feeling blue and always in distress.”
“I know what can wash that sad away. All you have to do is…Put a banana in you’re ear!”

“A banana…in my ear?” I asked in confusion, finally finding my voice.

“Put a ripe banana right into your favorite ear!” Alice grinned, ho lding up a yellow, limp banana peel.

“It’s true!” Emmet sang.

“Says who?” I asked. It still didn’t make any sense to me.

“So true,” Emmet confirmed.

“Once it’s in your gloom will disappear…” Alice waved her hands in front of my face like a magician.

“The bad in the world is hard to hear.” Emmet grinned and danced around like a maniac. “When in your ear a banana cheers… So go and put a banana in your ear!”

“Put a banana in your ear!”

“I’d rather keep my ear clear,” I growled menacingly.

“You’ll never be happy if you live your life in fear,” Alice chided, wagging a finger in my direction.

“It’s true!” Emmet sang loudly.

“Says you!”

“So true!” Alice countered.

“When it’s in the skies are bright and clear. Oh every day of every year!” Emmet continued singing.

“The sun shines bright on this big blue sphere,” Alice sang.

“Not in Forks,” I muttered.

“So go and put a banana in your ear!” they both sang loudly.

“Are you quite finished?” I growled.

Alice laughed a pulled up a chair next to mine. “Sorry Edward,” she apologized, even though she sounded far from sorry. “We never thought it would work. Every time we’ve tried to sneak up on you, it’s never worked. So Emmet decided we’d try while you were a bit distracted, and it did!”

“Not that you didn’t already know that,” Emmet teased.

Alice smiled. “Good point. We only did it because we thought you needed a good laugh.”

I laughed loudly and sarcastically. “Happy now?” I growled. They both nodded. “Where did that song come from, though?”

Emmet shrugged. “Funny story about that. I came into Alice and Jasper’s room this morning to relay the plan to her, only it didn’t include the banana song yet. Anyways, I came into her room and she was playing that song on the computer. I just thought it was perfect.”

“It was off of Charlie the Unicorn 2. It was actually Emmet’s idea to use that song though.” She got up off the chair gracefully and pulled Emmet out of the room. She stuck her head back in to add, “Hope it cheered you up.”

I sat back down, angry that they had taken my attention off Bella. I turned my head back to her, and realized that she was sitting up, her blood red eyes open and alert.

“Bella,” I breathed.She giggled. I frowned; this wasn’t the reaction I expected out of Bella of all people.

“Umm…Edward?” she asked, still giggling.“What, love?”

“Umm…You have a banana in your ear.”