Text Size Large SizeMedium SizeSmall Size    Color Scheme Black SchemeWhite SchemeGrey SchemePaper Scheme        

Journals

Summary:
I hate sitting here, listing to my angel scream in pain. There is nothing I can do for her. All I can do is sit here and hold her hand, and even that does nothing for her. I’ve gone back to writing in this journal, something I had packed away fifty years ago. Her pain rips through my soul as I sit here writing.


Notes:
These are journal entries from the Cullen family, starting with Bella's transformation. It starts out in short chapter, but it will get longer.


1. Edward-January 18

Rating 5/5   Word Count 793   Review this Chapter

Edward

January 18

I hate sitting here, listing to my angel scream in pain. There is nothing I can do for her. All I can do is sit here and hold her hand, and even that does nothing for her. I’ve gone back to writing in this journal, something I had packed away fifty years ago. Her pain rips through my soul as I sit here writing.

It was strange that Bella became a vampire not by my hand, or Carlisle, or Alice, but by the one person in our family who was so distant from my angel. It had been Rosalie who had done it, in an act of desperation. I’ve relieved the scene in her head a thousand times, and she is riddled with strange emotions.

Even now she is thinking about it.

"How is it that I can turn the wife of my brother, but when danger and death were closer, I could not even change my own husband? What is it about Bella that makes us do things we normally would not do? I know your listing, Edward, now stop." Her thought echo in my head, and I write them down word for word as she says them.

I’m glad that Rosalie was there though for Bella. If not, I might have come home to find my angel dead on the stairs. It was a strange strand of the flu, that she had contracted from someone in Forks, that had made my Bella so sick. It had been going on for days, becoming violently sick, and as she says, "worshiping the porcelain god."

If not for Rosalie volunteering to stay behind with Bella she may have died. The rest of us had been in desperate need of a hunting trip, and it had looked like Bella was getting better that day. Most of the family was going to go further north and get away from Forks for bigger game, and Carlisle and myself were going to hunt around Forks. We were going to relieve Rosalie after about a day, so she could go and join the others.

Bella just let out a scream so loud that the glass in the windows rattled. I must stop and go hold her hand again. She is crying my name out, over and over again.

I am back. Bella finally calmed down some. She is still asleep, the last sleep she’ll ever have. Alice is sitting beside her right now, holding her hand. It hurts so much to know that we still have two days worth of this before facing the even bigger problem. What will Bella be like as a newborn?

"I’ve done this to her. I’m the reason she’s up there screaming, and I don’t even have the heart to go up there and face her. I think I’m going to leave and join Jasper in Alaska. Stop listing, Edward, or you’ll regret it." Her words float through my mind again, and I stop listing. I know how well Rosalie, or anyone in the family, can make me regret reading their thoughts.

I’m glade someone was there for Bella, when the sickness came back stronger than ever. She had been going up the stairs to our room, clutching the railing for dear life. She mumbled something before erupting into a coughing fit. That was what had brought Rosalie to her side, she had been observing from upstairs, making sure Bella didn’t fall on the stairs.

The sickness had its grip on Bella then, and everything had started going so fast from then on. Alice had seen a vision of what was going to happen. Death was knocking on the door as Bella collapsed on the stairs. I had gotten a call, telling me I had to get back to the house.

I had torn Carlisle away from his kill and started dragging him back to the house. We had ran into the house, slightly covered in blood, to see Rosalie and Bella on the stairs. It had looked like Rosalie would have been crying if she could have.

A cry of pain broke from me when I saw Rosalie slicing into my angel’s wrist. I had rushed over to them, gathering Bella in my arms, while Carlisle held Rosalie. She had bitten Bella three times, the neck, and both wrist. There was nothing more we could do, just sit and wait.

I can write no more tonight. My angel is screaming and thrashing around in agony. I must go to her now and hold her. Writing in this is not helping her. Nothing we are doing in helping her. Alice can not stand to see her in this pain, it is killing her to sit by her side and watch Bella be like this. What have we done?