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Journals

Summary:
I hate sitting here, listing to my angel scream in pain. There is nothing I can do for her. All I can do is sit here and hold her hand, and even that does nothing for her. I’ve gone back to writing in this journal, something I had packed away fifty years ago. Her pain rips through my soul as I sit here writing.


Notes:
These are journal entries from the Cullen family, starting with Bella's transformation. It starts out in short chapter, but it will get longer.


2. Rosalie-January 18

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Rosalie

January 18

It is almost midnight, its been six hours since I bit Bella. The rest of the family came home surprisingly fast, well not Jasper. I can’t believe that I did that to her. Bitting her. Bitting her when I could not do it to the man that would become my husband. What is it about this girl that makes us all do things we normally would not do?

I can’t stop thinking about what happened. Bella was coming up from the kitchen, and I was up on the floor above her, making sure she didn’t trip on the stairs. She was very sick. I heard it in her blood, her heart struggling to pump the blood through her system. It was her coughing fit that made me go to her. It had shaken her small frame, making her stop and stair down at the stairs, coughing and coughing.

I had gone to her side and held her, rubbing her back. She wasn’t able to get in enough air, panic was starting to set into her eyes. Those large brown eyes had focused on me, pleading me with me.

"Rosalie." She had managed to gasp, collapsing onto me. That was when I knew that she wouldn’t make it until someone else got home. Death was knocking on her door at that moment.

I had acted without thinking. I had moved her hair away from her neck, muttering that I was sorry. My teeth sliced through her flesh, the venom pushing into her system. She had shuddered, unable to do much else. I had pulled away from her neck and gone to her right wrist. I did the same thing. It was as my teeth sliced through her left wrist that Edward ran into the house, pulling Carlisle along with him.

I released Bella and went to Carlisle while Edward held Bella to him. It was so hard to watch him sitting there with her. This was before the screaming and crying started. She was too far gone at that point, the venom was just running through her. I knew, though, that soon she would be screaming and thrashing.

As soon as everything started to sink in I ran up to my room, locking the door behind me. I threw myself down onto the couch, pulling the blanket kept on the back over my shaking body. Edward and Carlisle were tending to Bella, moving her into Edward’s room.

As I sit here writing this Bella has just let out another one of her screams. I think I should go and wait with Jasper. Being here is so hard. It would be so much easier if I didn’t hear her blood curdling screams. I know that Edward can hear my thoughts, and I know he hates me for thinking it.

Emmett is sitting on the couch, picking at the blanket, just waiting. I know he can’t wait to actually get to interact with Bella, but why I do not know. He has this strange obsession with getting to wrestle with Bella. She has always been so breakable, and in just a few short days she will be stronger than him. I think he just wants to test her strength.

I can not help but think about Emmett and his run in with that bear all those years ago. I could have let the bear kill him, that’s what the stupid idiot gets for antagonizing it, but I hadn’t. I had carried him all the way back to Carlisle. I don’t know why I did it, acting on instinct.

I can’t say that I wouldn’t have stopped and bitten him eventually if I knew he wouldn’t have made it to Carlisle. I don’t know myself well enough to know that I would have saved Emmett no matter what it required of me. I might have done it. I might have know that this man was the one for me and I might have done it.

Is that why I bit Bella? Because I know she was made for Edward. That without her he would do something drastic and our family would be ripped apart. That Edward would have killed me if I had let his precious Bella die. These thoughts confuse me, and I know that it must be troubling Edward to hear them. I will stop now. I shall give my troubled mind a rest, and Edward’s as well. He has enough to deal with, he doesn’t need my rumblings inside his head as well.