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I hate sitting here, listing to my angel scream in pain. There is nothing I can do for her. All I can do is sit here and hold her hand, and even that does nothing for her. I’ve gone back to writing in this journal, something I had packed away fifty years ago. Her pain rips through my soul as I sit here writing.

These are journal entries from the Cullen family, starting with Bella's transformation. It starts out in short chapter, but it will get longer.

4. Esme-January19

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January 19

My heart is breaking to know that Bella is in such pain. It is the mother in me that wants to run up there and hold her to my chest, whispering soothing words into her ear. Yet, I do not go because I know that right now Edward needs to be with her. He chased Alice out of the room early this morning. He said he needed to be alone with her.

I understand. When Carlisle changed me Edward left for the last two days. He says he went off to hunt so he could help Carlisle, but I think he knew that it is a very personal thing, the turning of someone. Edward just wants to hold Bella and tell her everything will be alright, that soon nothing will ever tear them apart.

How fitting it should be that today, the second day of her transformation, that the wedding pictures came in. I picked them up from the post office early this morning, needing to get out of the house. Bella can not enjoy looking at them now.

I sat in the car looking at them before coming home. They are done beautifully, the pictures always are. It made some happiness come into my heart to see the smiling, human Bella in the pictures. She had hated sitting down for the pictures, and that’s why some of the best are the ones that she doesn’t know were taken.

Alice bribed the camera man to take pictures as they went through the night. There is a picture of their first dance as man and wife, and then pictures as she danced with everyone in the family. The picture of them cutting the cake is beautifully done.

The best picture I think is one that is quite silly. Bella and Edward both standing there with cake around their lips, both laughing and smiling. Edward had insisted on making her eat cake, and had given her the first bite. In return, or payback as I believe she called it, she had smashed a slice of cake into his mouth. They had laughed along with the rest of the reception. I don’t think either of them want this photo, but it is already framed in my bedroom, sitting on the table that I write at.

I can’t help but laugh at the thought of Edward having to throw up his own wedding cake later on that night. We all had to go and throw up wedding cake that night. Alice had insisted that we all just eat a bite, and Emmett decided he would test himself and see just how much he could eat. We had all laughed at him as he leaned over the toilet, puking up the cake.

Bella has just let out a soul slicing scream. I shut my eyes to try and keep the sound out. I want to run in there and hold her, but I can’t. It wouldn’t be right of me. Edward can take care of her, though there is nothing we can do right now. I just have to think that soon she will be fine, and that she will be part of the family forever, in so many ways.

I must go now. I can take it no longer. I must get out of the house, if just for an hour. I’m going to go and wonder through the woods surrounding the house, try and clear my thoughts. Perhaps I shall go and climb a tree.