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I love you, my Angel

The night Edward 'died' but he wasn't alone. There was someone beside him, begging him to stay the whole time, pleading with him not to leave her in the darkness of her world. AU.

Sooo....This can be a one shot....or it can't be a one shot....u choose.... I got the idea from listening to The River Flows In You and looking at an old fashoned picture hanging on my wall of a flower surounded building with lots of windows and a horse buggy outside....but I'm not really sure how that ended up as this....hmmmm...

5. Would death be so bad?

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I couldn’t tell how long I was lying on the ground, sobbing recklessly without tears. My hands had clawed at the earth beneath me, trying to find some kind of escape from the agony and torture of my fallen angel. Something. Anything. Was there nothing to take it away? Nothing to make me whole again? No, I realized. There couldn’t be. Death could not be reversed, and no matter how much I wanted it, it would not be. Why not? Did I deserve such pain, such hurting of the heart? What had I done to have to suffer through eternity without my love standing by my side?
Why did vampires or humans in general, have to love with such vigor and passion? Why did pain have to always be a possibility equation in the problem? Could one not love with their whole soul and heart and still exists without the pain? Love could be on its own, could it not? But then why did it still burn and rip at my heart? My sanity?

I should’ve been only able to mourn for so long. Eventually my sorrow would run out with my broken sobs. It didn’t. Every painful second without Him had run deep with the hurt, still there no matter how hidden and buried away in the coldest part of my heart. Was this how it would be forever? To be racked with the agonizing liquid fire that was millions of times worse than the fire of being changed?

More importantly, was this my forever? Was my eternity damned to being full of nothing but pain? How long could I last if it was? How much longer could I keep up the charade of actually living? Not much longer, I decided.

So why not end it now? a little voice whispered from the back of my head. Why not stop it short now and be free to join Him? So much easier, it tempted. I could see his beautiful face again, hold it in my hands. The very possibility of holding Him filled me with a sweet whole joy. He could be mine again.

By now my breathing was coming in ragged breaths, rolled on my back, glairing up at the sky; the rain had finally subsided.

Could it really be that simple, to be able to escape this hell?

What about Jasper, though? How would this affect him? He could go on without me; he was so strong, a fighter even as a human. But still, to leave him alone on that damned earth, I couldn’t do. Then what did I do, if I couldn’t leave him alone but couldn’t stay any longer? You find her. The solution was so simple and there it was almost unbelievable. If I could find this girl that Jasper could feel—just like I could feel Edward—he wouldn’t be alone. He would have someone to lean on when I was gone and back with Edward—the name was already easier to think—, happy to be with my angel.

Death wouldn’t be too hard to acquire. I was sure the Vulturi would be gracious enough to give it to me. I’d never really thought about death for myself. Eternity had eliminated the need for it. Death had been a too painful subject to even brink but now it seemed easy—just like thinking Edward’s name. Now that death was so close, where to the point of almost seeing, feeling it, I was fine; fine because it meant Edward, fine because it brought no pain, only relief.

Jasper wouldn’t be alone; I would be dead. Now I just needed to find that someone for Jasper and I could be back in the presence of God’s greatest creations—it didn’t matter that death was all it cost. It was such a miniscule price in comparison.

I flashed to my feet. I needed to fine Her, whoever She was, for Jasper. I brushed off my clothes best I could and streaked through the forest, a new determination filling me. It was almost like my body knew Edward was near, that I would be seeing him soon. The agony was washed away as I pictured his blissful face.

For once in my memories, once in my rare times of letting myself picture him, his face wasn’t happy. No, Edward was frowning, green eyes burning in fury. His eyebrows were furrowed in his anger. It wasn’t uncommon for me to hear voices—his voice only—but usually they were kinder, more loving. His tone, fuzzy from all the years separated from really hearing it, matched his expression.

“Love, Bella, don’t be ridiculous. I’m coming; wait for me.” He pleaded.

I grimaced but continued, pulling up the plains of my coming death. Briefly, as if from another existence, I remembered a question I’d begged at Edward. Can’t I die with you; meet you at heaven’s gates? I smiled then. I would meet Edward at heaven’s gates.