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Muddling Memory

It's been 10 years since Bella changed and all she can remember is the pain, but someone is lurking in the shadows... Waiting for her memory to return.
I'd really love some reviews and ratings. I know it's my first one ever so I don't expect a lot, but feedback would really help me improve :) I can take it... Whatever you throw at me! ... I think ;)


7. I love you. Wait for me. I?ll find you.

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1979   Review this Chapter

[From the Point of View of Bella]

We were each on motorbikes, the ones that Jacob had fixed up when Edward had left me. I still couldn’t remember Edward and it annoyed me, his voice was back, as was his face… But my memories of us together were still hidden from me. I wanted so much to remember him, but I could live without him now. I loved Jacob, I loved the way he made me smile and the way that I finally felt happy and full when he was around. It was as though he was the part of my life that was missing all those years. I didn’t have to meet Edward, we could turn around… I could live with Jacob, the treaty protected me… Edward wouldn’t be allowed to see me, and we could live… Not the way I’d imagined with the children and the house, but we could still be happy.

I looked at Jacob, his hair was longer than mine and blowing out behind him. His smile was wide and genuine, his muscles tensed and relaxed as he changed gears and adjusted himself on the bike, “Why don’t you have to look at the road? You’re making me nervous Bella!”

“I can sense everything around me. I can sense the pebbles beneath the tires, the wind blowing on my face… I can sense you, every inch of your body.” I stopped my bike. “I know how much you want me, I want you too. I remember us, the way you made me happy. I can’t ever imagine wanting more than what you can give me.”

“Bella… My Bella… I’ve been waiting for you to say that my entire life. I told you I’d be in the wings, waiting for you. I’m here, now.” He smiled, his skin wrinkled around his eyes.

I dashed off my bike and into his lap on the motorbike, it was so fast that I caught him off guard and we fell onto the floor. Laughing I struggled to get up but he pulled me down onto his chest and kissed me with such passion that I forgot to breathe. I didn’t need to and I was glad. I resigned myself to the moment, blocking out everything that was not related to Jacob. My sun. The kiss went on and on, I could have spent my remaining days just kissing his lips.

Then all of a sudden I smelt a vampire, two, three, four… I was wrenched off Jacob before I had time to react and then I heard him scream. Charles had bitten his neck and then moved back, in line with Theodore. Jane turned me around and looked into my face for the first time, I recoiled. I remembered everything, I remembered Italy and Edward’s pain… Edward…

… I could smell Edward… I pushed Jane aside and she went flying fifty feet away. Suddenly I saw him and the whole world stopped. Every fibre of my being yearned to be beside him, to touch him, to hold him… I obeyed my body and rushed towards his troubled, saddened face. He did not look at me; instead he was focused on Jacob with loathing in his eyes whilst the boy screamed in agony. I knew what he was thinking like a sixth sense and quickly reassured him with my lips that it was him I wanted. – Him I needed, that I couldn’t live without him. “It’s you, my… Edward, I couldn’t remember you. Please forgive me. When I saw Jacob I remembered I had loved him once and the wall that blocked my memory of you thickened. I knew he could make me happy and that’s all I wanted after years of… Emptiness. I forgot how I couldn’t be happy without you, I forgot how much I needed you. I love you Edward, if you still want me… I’ll be yours forever.”

“Touching, touching. But it’s not enough. You’re mine now.” Jane was back.

Edward, I love you. Take me back? Please? Edward looked stunned. Why? I knew that he could read minds, why was it such a shock that I had… sent him a message? I suddenly remembered and giggled. Yeah, I know. My mind used to be private, but only by default. I can… change the settings. Trust me, I’m Bella. I love you. I smiled and mouthed the words to emphasise my point. His jaw slackened, his eyes widened, but he did not respond.

Jane moved towards me, I could sense her behind me. “No Jane, don’t you dare. Just watch, and wait. I’ll have you begging for mercy.” I had never done this before, so I was unsure. I had never killed a human, nor a vampire but I was ready now. I focused on Charles and Theodore with my mind, envisioning their necks breaking. Then I slowly curled my hands into fists and abruptly opened them. Their heads flew off, next I worked on their arms, then legs… When they were in pieces I summoned their parts to sit beside me in a pile beside me whilst the body parts scrambled to fit themselves back together. I envisioned a fire in my mind from logs and leaves in the forest surrounding us, and instantly the logs appeared. I lit a fire by rubbing the wood together in my mind. Jane was stunned to silence, her face whiter than usual, her black eyes wide with fear. “Tell Edward you’re sorry for Italy. Apologise to Alice and all the Cullens. If you do, I’ll make it painless… Well, nearly.”

I could feel a monster rearing inside me, Bella was slowly drowning in the wake of evil pulsing through my body. I struggled to gain control, to fight my survival instinct inside of me that wanted Jane dead, I fought to be the Bella that Edward could love. The Bella I’m sure he still did, deep down.

Jacob’s screaming pulled Bella through the evil and kept her above the surface, “Jacob, wait. I know it’s hard. But please, there is nothing I can do for you right now.”

I finally found the courage to turn around and face the Cullens, I hadn’t acknowledged them all there, but now I could see them standing, shocked. “If you want Jane, go get her. Emmett, she’s all yours. I’ve got her power under control, she can’t hurt you. Go, if you want. If not, I’ll find her.”

Emmett had a faint smile on his lips, nodded and rushed off behind her. Jasper slowly moved towards me, nodded in acknowledgement and followed Emmett. Rosalie came forward and whispered, “If I would have known that you could do that, my god, I would have had no objections.”

Alice was the next to dance towards me, she embraced me in her small, cold arms, “What you’re about to do is incredibly brave. I’m going to miss you all over again. I love you so much.”

Carlisle and Esme smiled but moved away towards Jacob who was still on the floor screaming in pain. The only one who remained was Edward who did not move, he simply stood.

“Before you speak, I have to explain. To fill you in. For ten years my mind has been caged leaving me only the essentials: enough for me to think about what was happening. I’ve been in hell, worse than I had imagined at the time. To me at the time hell was not being able to do what I wanted, having to ask permission to go to school… To beg for forgiveness after the slightest mistake…

… My mind in self-defence had blocked you out. Losing you was a form of hell that would have killed me. I had to forget you to survive the pain of having to go through what I did… By myself.

I love you. So much. You’re the love of my life, of my death. You’re the very meaning of love itself. I love you in a way that it is impossible to explain, to comprehend… Maybe I’ll let you into my mind again, to see the effect that you have on me… The way that you are as constantly in my thoughts now, as you where then…

I realise that you have waited ten years for me, and that only makes me love you more, but I must ask you to wait just a while longer. I love you…

… But I owe my life to Jacob. I know he hasn’t got long… Alice? … Do you know exactly?”

Alice cleared her throat and moved towards us. She slipped an arm around Edward who seemed unable to hold himself straight, “Three days… Oh Bella, I don’t know if I can wait that long…”

I smiled, “Shh. What’s three days after ten years?”

At this Edward found his voice, “Alice, how do you know that?! It could be years!! Your visions don’t work for werewolves. They never had. I could be waiting centuries if Jacob doesn’t change back.”

“Edward, in three days the darkness lifts and I can see Bella again. I’m sure.”

Carlisle moved forward, he took me in his arms and held me there. “I know this must be hard for you. Losing someone you care for. Jacob cannot stay as a wolf, he has to change into a human. I’ve given him morphine I brought with me and he has calmed slightly, but it won’t last. When you take him with you he has to change. If he doesn’t there is no hope for him. The venom and his physical state do not mix, he will not last. His time is limited. If you keep him on morphine the pain won’t be as bad, but he’ll be alive for as long his heart keeps up.” He kissed my forehead and moved back to Esme.

I continued, “Edward, I love you. I hope you know that we were destined to be together. Loving you is not a choice I made; it’s the meaning of my existence. It’s the reason I’m here. I will love you until the day that I die… But Jacob doesn’t understand that, so I’m going to live his lie… For three days.

For three days I am going to be who he thinks I always should have been… He hasn’t got time to find… To… But… I-I owe him this… This lie. It’s the least that I can do.

If you still want me in three days, after you’ve thought through everything… Then I will stay with you until you change your mind. But please… please… Know that no matter what you chose, I will always love you. I’ll come to you in three days.

Please forgive me for this, I love you… I’ll stay faithful in every way that counts. I will stay faithful to you, and only you, for the rest of time.”

I turned away and moved towards Jacob. I knew that in my other life the tears would have been rushing down my face. A hand grabbed my shoulder and pulled me into the embrace of a lifetime. He followed up with a kiss that almost melted my icy skin, “Isabella Swan, if you think that I could do anything but love you, then you are seriously mistaken. I need you like a fish needs water. I would wait centuries absolutely still just for the chance to see your face again.

I promise you that in three days time, I will be waiting for you just like this.” He illustrated by getting down on one knee and clasping my hands in his. “Bella, I love you.”

I kneeled down beside him and kissed him gently, “Edward, my love. I love you. Wait for me. I will find you.” He laughed and pulled me to my feet, we shared one more kiss before he walked off into the darkness to find his family. I moved back to Jacob and within seconds we were running home to Billy.