A story so crazy it can only be titled question mark… Warning: Don’t read if you have no sense of humor or can’t understand that I’m joking. Readers- I’m moving accounts. This was a shared account with someone who doesn’t really like me anymore. So I’ll post this to all the stories I wrote (I’ll only continue some) then you can read them. Continuing: Complications, Goneandnevercomingback., Marionette, mynewLife, and SpilledMascara. If what you read wasn’t listed and you want it continued, tell me through the “contactauthors” button on the “elainamorrigan” account why I should continue. -elle/Twizzler
by twisler terrier
Rating 5/5 Word Count 879 Review this Chapter
The next day…
Everyone is at the pet store.
“Tell me again, Alice. Why are we here?” Edward said.
“Because I saw us come here in a vision!” She said as if it were obvious.
“Well then by that logic, I see us all going home,” He retorted.
“Okay, lets go!” Rosalie said.
“What do you think we are? Stupid? You can’t see the future…or can you?” Jasper said, eyes growing wider.
“Shut up Jasper.” Alice said.
“Emmett, what are you doing?” Rose asked.
“Look it!” Emmett said, balancing a turtle on his head.
“Do I want to know?” Bella said, eyebrows raised.
“You’re so cute when you question people.” Edward said, staring lovingly at her.
“Shut up Edward!” Alice said.
“Hey, there are the guys in the white coats.” He replied.
“Where?! Hide me!” She screeched.
Edward started laughing and she glared at him.
Emmett suddenly threw the turtle across the room.
“What the heck Emmett?!” Rose yelled at him.
“Turtle bit Emmett’s hand.” He said.
“So what? You aren’t hurt! The turtle probably broke it’s jaw!” She yelled.
“Emmett hurts on the inside, besides Emmett bit it back.” He replied, grinning.
She rolled her eyes.
Alice went to check on the turtle, “He’s okay.”
“Good, don’t have so spend my money.” Carlisle muttered.
“Ah! Vampire turtle!” Esme yelled.
“Ah! Newborn!” Jasper screamed.
“Why is every freakin’ thing a vampire but me?!?!?!?!” Bella whined.
“Because you’re not special!” Alice mocked.
“Special Ed!” Bella remarked. (Wow, wasn’t that mature?)
Suddenly the turtle lunged out at Bella, apparently Edward isn’t the only one who craves her blood more than anyone else! Ha, ha! He’s a stalker! Edward grabbed the turtle and ripped him in half. (What? It’s a turtle? Did you expect more out of an animal the size of your hand? Stop pressuring Frank! (yes his name is in fact frank.))
“Ew!” Rosalie said.
“‘Ew!’ is right.” Alice replied.
“Dude it’s a turtle!” Jasper said.
“Who tried to kill my love!” Edward said, defensive.
“Great!” Carlisle yelled angrily, “Guess who has to pay for that?!”
Bella sighed, rolled her eyes, and walked to the car.
“What are you doing?” Alice asked.
“Going to see my boyfri- I mean Jacob!” she said, shifty eyed.
“Not you’re not!” Edward said, “Alice! Kidnap her!”
“Fine, bossy.” Alice said, grabbing Bella, “Might as well do grand theft auto while we’re at it!”
“That’s not a bad idea!” Rose said.
“Ooh lets get a blue Pries!” Esme said.
“No way goodie-two-shoes!” Alice shrieked, “We’re getting a pink hot rod flamed Jeep convertible!”
“You’re nuts if you think I’ll settle for those over a Bentley!” Rose yelled.
“Emmett want Hummer!”
“Wait, I thought it was the video game you were talking about.”
“No We’re getting a red truck!”
“I agree with Bella!”
“Oh! And I’m supposed to buy you these new cars?!”More annoying car fighting (most of which I don’t understand) later…
Edward sighed and rolled his eyes, they somehow managed to wander into some crappy store and he was getting annoyed.
“One eyed, one horned, flying purple people eater, sure looked strange to me…” Alice mumbled.
“Ooh look!” Alice yelled, running over and grabbing a ballerina tutu off a nearby shelf. Jasper grinned, “No.” she said firmly. His face fell. (What was that? Jasper wants to be a ballerina! OMG!)
“What?! I’m supposed to buy that?!”
Bella groaned, “Why? Why must we always be shopping?!”
“Quit making Bella unhappy!” Edward growled.
“Jeez Edward,” Esme muttered, “If you’re obsessed with humans you could at least pick a good one.”
Edward growled, and kissed Bella, annoying his mom.
An ear-splitting scream rang through the store, the Cullen’s, Hale’s, and Bella rushed to it, and were shocked at what they saw.
There was Emmett, sitting in the middle of the isle full of teddy bears, absolutely covered in them. He was hugging them and kissing them and…actually eating a few.
Rosalie’s eye was twitching, “What. The. Heck. Emmett!” She wailed, running over and trying to pull him from his fluffy paradise. Alice and Edward fell over on the floor laughing and Bella doubled over, clutching her stomach, tears in her eyes from laughing so hard.
“Now I have to buy that!” Carlisle growled.
“Emnt knkrb rghbe!” Emmett said through the bear head in his mouth.
“You idiot!” Rose yelled. People started to walk up, staring at Emmett.
Emmett looked embarrassed and spit out the head, “Emmett sorry Rosy.”
“Oh you’ll be sorry!” She yelled.
Alice suddenly got that faraway look in her eyes, so did Edward. They started to laugh harder!
“You…Emmett…teddy bears…punishment…so…so…stupid!” They managed to get out.
Out of nowhere Alice stopped, “We need to get glow sticks!” (wow she is nuts)
“Why?!” Esme asked, shocked.
“More money!?!?!” Carlisle whined, he was ignored.
Alice leaned over and whispered in her ear, Esme’s eyes widened in shock, “Oh! I can’t be part of this!” She said, grinning, then ran out the store.
Alice turned to the rest of them, smiling evilly. (What is this messed up girl doing?)
Do to the fact that I am a horrible person (with horrible writers block, not much time, and a bad memory) I cannot continue till later. The things you have to look forward to in the next chapter are text messages, craziness, ‘rubba duckies’, craziness, perfume, craziness, newts, craziness, a club called P.L.O.P., and a level of craziness so great, I might just get thrown into the asylum myself for writing it. (Ooh if I get throw in Alice’s maybe I’ll get busted out by a vampire too! Oh that would be awesome!)