"What exactly is she planning right now?"--Bella Swan, Chapter 21 banner by me :) What if Edward never returned when he first left Bella? Bella now has a second chance at love and life, but how exactly would her life be if Edward never returned? How would her life change when Edward comes back?
18. Head and Heart
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SORRY GUYS, HAVING TECH PROBLEMS WITH THIS STORY AT THE MOMENT.
I DIDN’T MEAN FOR IT TO UPDATE ITSELF AGAIN.
IF YOU HAVENT READ “HEAD AND HEART”, THEN CONTINUE
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Chapter Notes: And the winner to the previous "WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT" game is, fanfic_fan! Congrats, I'll tell you what you've won in an email!
So here is the chapter, and I apologize that it has taken me so long to update but winter break has started today and I will update weekly, or less! Thanks for continuing to read this! You make me smile! I hope you like it! This, i think, is the longest chapter, so far.
Chapter 18: Head and Heart
Connor didn’t let it go so easy. He kept asking every once in a while, in between checks. He was getting a little annoying. I was almost relieved he wasn’t in the ward that day, it made it easier to be around Carlisle and not have Connor stare him down.
I sighed as Carlisle changed my IV drip bag once more. “Standard precautions, Bella. I know you hate I.Vs but its better than getting an infection and what not.” He said.
I made a face. “I suppose.” I said. It was easy talking to Carlisle, it was as if he had never left. Conversations flowed nicely, I loved talking to him, no awkward moments. Until Edward walks in the room for his rounds.
“Carlisle, if I can ask,” I paused, “how was your life after you moved from Forks?” I said, curious.
Carlisle, who had now moved on to redressing the bandages on my body, said, “wasn’t easy.” He sighed, “never is, trying to adjust to a new place, knowing you are different from everyone else.” He cleaned the wound, “but after it gets a lot easier. Life was pretty much the same, apart from one missing family member.” I looked at him, not knowing what he meant.
“Edward didn’t leave with us after we moved Forks, Bella.” He continued. “He left on his own, wanting to be alone.” I didn’t ask why. “We missed him, but our family was strong and knew he would come back eventually.
“As for life in general for us, there wasn’t much of a difference. I got a job as a doctor, as always, and the others returned to school, apart from Esme. Then we decided to move again, that’s how we all ended up in this town.”
“All of you are here, now?” I asked.
He nodded, “Everyone is back in our family and things are back to our ‘normality’. Everyone but Esme and Edward are in high school…again.” He said. “I moved here first, to check if the town was safe or not. The rest followed soon after.” He chuckled, “it was a surprise seeing you here that day, with Connor.”
“Surprise for me, too.” I said.
“I felt like I had invaded your life somehow, but I assure you it was not intentional in any way.” He said, then he seemed to think, “maybe it was Alice’s intention for us to move here.”
“Probably.” I agreed, he smiled.
“Carlisle, I can take it from here.” Edward walked in the room. As always my heart monitor beeped irregularly for a moment. “The nurses at station 2 are asking for you.” He said.
Carlisle nodded, “excuse me, Bella.”
Edward took Carlisle’s place in bandaging my arm. In silence he worked, while I tried to ignore him. He didn’t speak until he reached my legs.
“These burns will heal nicely,” he noticed, “scars will be minimal.”
“Hmmm.” I said only and continued with my silence.
He tried to get something out of me again, with a different approach -- right to the point. “You’re angry with me, I know.”
I rolled my eyes, “ and here I was trying not to show it,” I said sarcastically.
“I really am sorry, Bella.” He said looking directly into my eyes.
I looked away, “I have a hard time believing that.”
“If you were truly sorry, you would have never left in the first place.” I said, before he could continue I interjected, “I guess it’s almost good that you left.” I spat. “It brought me to Connor.”
“That’s all I ever wanted -- for you to live a happy human life.” He murmured as he treated my burns.
I winced at the touch of his fingers on my wounds. “You got what you wished for.” I said, with a conniving smile.
He met my gaze with his golden eyes, they read pain. I liked that I caused him pain.
He coughed and looked away from me, “Connor’s a great guy, then.”
“The greatest,” I glared at him.
“Describe him to me,” he sounded genuinely interested. He continued bandaging my healing wounds. “How did you meet?”
I wanted to continue gloating about how great Connor was, so I obliged and described the first day we met. “I was in the supermarket, wandering around mindlessly, saddened over something you need not worry about, and his shopping cart crashed into me. He felt so sorry for it he offered me dinner the next night, I accepted, and since then it has grown. Just recently he proposed to me.” I said, flashing the giant diamond on my finger.
“Sounds like a gentlemen,” Edward said, not meeting my gaze.
“He is. Funny, too.” I watched his expression turn to pain again. “And loving,” I kept going, “my whole family loves him, and my friends. He goes on fishing trips with Charlie, at times. Plays sports with the pack. He’s an all round perfect guy. Connor has never done anything to upset me, he’s never hurt me in any way either.”
Edward nodded, not speaking.
“He came when it was a time of darkness for me. I never thought that I could find love again, since my previous two loves had ended up leaving me.”
I decided to tell him, “Jacob,” I nodded. “Connor came and completely changed my life in the most positive way. I know he won’t leave me.” I said in defense of Connor, and accusation to Edward.
Edward hesitated to say what was on his mind, I waited impatiently for him to go on with it. He looked deep into my eyes, it made my face heart up, my heart drum faster, and my stomach to twist. I felt uncomfortable so I looked away, to my hands.
“Bella,” he spoke my name softly, it gave me chills, “leaving you…” he paused to move closer to me, “was the hardest thing I had to do in my entire life.” The words he had spoken danced in my head, I wanted to believe him.
I shook my head, “lies.” I hissed, “you didn’t have to do anything. You didn’t have to leave me like you did, in the forest, alone, scared, heartbroken. You didn’t have to leave in the first place. You chose to leave.” I fumed at him.
“I did have to leave.” He defended, “I was too dangerous for you. My whole family was. You deserved better then constantly being in danger and near death. You didn’t need me to come into your life and ruin everything.”
“Instead you got out of it, and ruined everything.” I could feel my eyes watering, not from sadness, from anger. The anger was building in my chest again. “You have no idea how my life was after you left, Edward!” I nearly shouted. Each breath I took seemed painful, I winced, but continued. “You have no idea what I became!”
He reached out for me, but I flinched away, “I know an apology is not good enough here, but you have to understand I had to do what I did.”
“You made my life hell, Edward. My life was hell after you left!” I was weeping by then. My heart ached, I clutched onto it. “So don’t you dare say I must understand why you did it, it makes no sense. If you truly loved me you wouldn’t have done that! You don’t hurt someone you love like that!”
“I left because I wanted to protect you, in order for you to live a normal happy life, without vampires. Without me.”
I leaned back on the bed, my head hitting the headrest, the tears fell down the side of my face. “I needed you, I didn’t need anyone else.”
“I just wanted you to have a better life than what I could have given you.”
I scoffed, remembering how I always pictured him and I having the most perfect life. For eternity. I shook my head at the adolescent thoughts. “You got a better life, too, in return.” I acknowledged the ring on his finger.
He looked at his engagement ring, almost angry at it. “It’s not what you think.”
“I don’t even care,” I said, seeming exhausted my the explosion of emotion I had.
“I don’t love her.” He touched the ring and his eyes turned dark.
I chuckled darkly, “you don’t accept or propose an engagement unless you love the person.”
“Not in this situation.” He murmured, almost to himself.
“Then it makes no sense for you to be wearing it.” I said, my head still leaning back, staring at the white ceiling.
“It would if you knew the whole story.”
“Tell it then.” I was in no mood to continue talking.
He took in a breath and nodded, “two years after I left,” he began, “I came to Forks.”
I stared at him bewildered but didn’t say anything.
“Just to check on you, to see if you were fine. Alice had told me you were, but I wanted to see it with my own eyes. I saw how happy you looked, gathering with your friends, I knew I had to return and let you be. I hadn’t been home since I left, to be on my own for a while. When I did, there was a new vampire in the clan, Melanie.
“Carlisle told me that him and Esme had found her while hunting one night, dying out in the road from a hit-and-run. They brought her home and changed her there. When I got to the house, she was still very new, couldn’t control her powers, couldn’t control her strength, couldn’t control her thoughts, anything.
“So I helped her. Regain control from her body and mind. Soon she seemed to grow fond of me since I was the only one who could connect with her better, but I didn’t feel anything for her. Time passed and her feelings grew. She told me how she felt, and I told her I didn’t feel the same. She said she understood my reasons and that she wouldn’t pressure me.
“One day, her and a raged vampire got in a fight, he nearly destroyed her. I was there soon after with the rest of my family, to save her. She kept calling my name, slipping away in her stone body. She looked so terrified and I seemed to be the only one to help her. Then and there, midst of dying -- if you can call it that-- she asked me to marry her.
“My whole family was unsure about the situation, but I pitied her. And out of that pity I said yes. She knows I don’t love her, but she says she doesn’t care, I’ve tried to give back the ring she gave me, but she declines it and places it back on my finger, saying that even if I don’t love her she loves seeing me wear it.”
“It still doesn’t make any sense, out of pity?” I wondered. “Your feelings haven’t grown for her at all?” I asked, not believing his story.
“No.” He sighed, “I only have one woman in my heart.” He looked at me.
“You didn’t keep your promise.” I changed the subject. “Oh!” I gasped as I grazed over my wounds.
“What promise is that?” He asked, taken out of a thought.
“You promised me I would never see you again.” I accused.
He frowned, “I apologize, but this meeting wasn’t planned, and Alice didn’t tell me we would ’bump’ in to you in Seattle . “If you want I can leave now and it will be the last time you see me.” He stood up to leave.
“That’s not what I meant.” I said, he smiled, relieved.
I wanted answers, though. “I meant, in Phoenix. You were there, and Alice, too.” I remembered the trip, when I saw him and Alice walking around the town in more than one occasion.
He looked at me, “what?”
“I recently saw you and Alice in Phoenix a few times,” I said.
He looked confused, “Bella, I have not been to Phoenix, not since James--” he said, cutting off, seeming deep it thought. “When?” He snapped.
“What?” I asked confused of his change in mood.
“When did you go to Phoenix?”
“About three weeks ago,” I said. I noticed the look on his face matched the one Carlisle made when I told him about the voices in my head a week ago. “What?” I asked before he could change the subject. “Don’t you dare tell me nothing.”
He gazed at me, “Melanie.”
“She was in Phoenix about three weeks ago, Carlisle sent her there to run an errand. She was there about a week, but she only came out at night, obviously.”
“So why the angered face?” I asked.
“It was her.”
“What do you mean it was her, no, I saw you and Alice, I didn’t even know Melanie then.”
“You don’t understand. Melanie’s power is to influence the senses. She can make a person see something that isn’t there, hear something that no one else can, smell, taste, touch. She must have seen you, somewhere, known it was you, and made you believe you were seeing us.”
“Like a hallucination?” I asked.
“Yes but more in depth, if the person actually believes they see what they see or hear or anything, then it’s really there for them. They can touch it, taste it, anything.”
“And I now know who has been going to Forks.” Edward said, meaning the accusation Jacob had made to him in Seattle. “It’s all been Melanie. All of it. She has gone to your house, Carlisle told me about the voice that you have been hearing, it’s not your subconscious that it talking to you. It’s Melanie. She’s using her power to make you hear things, she’s communicating to you that way. Trying to get inside your head and cause you conflict or pain.” He said almost mad.
“What, why on earth would she do that?”
“That’s not important at the moment, what is important is that she is the one that is messing with your head while she goes to Forks. Jacob smelled her!” He said. “I can’t believe she would do that, no wonder she has gone missing for days and returns with satisfaction written all over her face.”
I interjected, “okay, what I am trying to comprehend here is, why would she want to do this to me? I’ve never met her, only that day I saw her with you, but before that I haven’t.” I exclaimed confused about the situation.
“Bella, do you remember right now when I was telling you about Melanie and how she came into the family. Do you remember I said she understood my reasons for now loving her back?”
“Yes but, I don’t understand.” I said, still confused.
He brushed his hair with his hands, “Bella,” he spoke my name softly once again, just like he had before and just like before my heart pounded in my chest. This time his face came close to mine, inches away. I gasped and pulled back. “I still love you, and she knows that. She wants to cause you pain and separate you from me, for good, so that you don’t love me and then maybe I will give myself to her.”
I blinked, trying to register what he had just said to me, in my mind. I shook my head, not comprehending. He couldn’t love me. “You can’t love me,” I croaked, “you told me you didn’t love me when you left.” I said, remembering the painful words.
He sighed and almost smiled, “Bella, that was just a lie that I had to tell you in order for you to let me go. You believed it so quickly though, I couldn’t believe that you actually would consider me not loving you.”
I shook my head slightly, “It made no sense for you to love me, a simple human like myself.”
“But I did love you -- I still do. You’re the fire that ignites inside of my chest, Bella. You make me feel warm. I love you, I haven’t stopped loving you.” He reached for my chin but I turned away.
“But I don’t love you.” I choked out. Not entirely sure if that was true or not.
“You do love me, deep inside I know you do. Or else you wouldn’t act like this when I’m so close to you.” He said creeping closer to me, my ECG went crazy again. I cursed at it, he smiled, as if that made his point.
“Even if that were true, which it’s not,” I snarled at him, “I have Connor, and unlike you with your fiancee, I do love him, unconditionally.”
“I’m willing to try and have you with me again, I know you love me Bella, maybe not as much as I still do, but I know you do. I won’t give up, I will do anything that I can so I can be with you once more. You’re the only person that can make me happy, you made me the happiest man in the world. You made me feel alive. I’ll show you my love and devotion for you. I won’t lose you again without at least trying. Only then, I’ll know.”
“Please don’t do this.” I nearly begged.
“I’ve already made up my mind, Bella.” He leaned down and kissed my forehead and flew out the door. I didn’t have time to respond. I lay there, motionless and shocked.
I looked out the window. I now had answers that had been missing before. The voices in my head, it was Melanie this whole time. She was trying to hurt me. She’s jealous that Edward might still love me.
I rested my head on the pillow, my head spinning.
End Notes: Thanks for reading and thanks for those who review as well. All of you make me continue writting. Promise to update as soon as I can.
So how was this chapter? Confused? Did you know it was Melanie that was in Bella's thoughts --or in this case, ear. lol.
Again thanks for reading!
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