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If Only I Was Immortal

Summary:
Starting from when Bella jumps off the cliff... Edward returns, but there is no telling if he will stay. DISCLAIMER: Don't sue me.


Notes:
Only Edward can make Bella feel this way...


1. Chapter 1

Rating 0/5   Word Count 2231   Review this Chapter

Was there a reason I was sitting in this meadow again? And why was I sitting in it alone? I remembered the first time I’d ever sent hose monstrous, mutated creatures… And to find out that they were Quileute boys, one of them being Jacob, my best friend. I’d been terrified, scared out of my mind, trying to catch a snippet of his voice. I’d seen the most flawless face I’d ever seen in a long time; Laurent’s. But recalling my memory, no one’s face could compare to his.

The cold wind picked up, swirling around my face. My whole chest throbbed as I worried about Jake’s safety. He was out hunting Victoria again, no doubt. The vision of Jake and Victoria circling each other flashed through my mind, ripping at the edges of the hole in my chest. I curled my arms and legs around myself, feeling unworthy being the reason Jacob’s life was in danger every moment he was protecting me. There had only been one other who had made me feel so inferior… It pained me to even think his name. Finally, my misery got the best of me and I decided to do one last thing that would possibly soothe my soul.

I decided to go cliff diving.

The light rain splattered against my face where it was not covered by the hood of my cotton jacket. The fabric presented no protection against the moisture, as it seeped through my sleeves and chilled my clammy skin. I made my way down to the ledge, a little lower than I’d seen the Quileute clan jump from. The black waters did not look very inviting, but I knew, just a few inches from the surface was where I would hear the magnificent, velvet voice. I would get my much needed fix of adrenaline and hear his exquisite voice, loud in my ear.

I leapt off the edge. Wind ripped against my face, paining me slightly. But all that didn’t matter. The addictive, furious voice came seconds before I hit the water. “Bella, you promised me!” The voice yelled. I could swear, as I turned to let my back hit the water, I caught a glimpse of his pale figure, staring back at me from the top of the cliff. I could not see the figure any longer as I broke through the surface, creating a wave as I plummeted to the bottom.

Don’t give up, Bella. For me.” There was no reason to keep fighting. There was no reason for anything. His voice presented little reason for me. After all, if it was not him who I had to live for, who would it be? Jacob’s face flashed through my mind, and I dismissed the feeling. Jacob was… only a friend. He was so much more.

During the seconds that I surfaced for air, so did my last words. “Goodbye, Edward.” Then my lids closed over my eyes and I sank to the bottom.

“She’s going to be fine.” A voice said; its tone borderline frantic. “She’s not going to die. She’s stronger than that.” Pressure was exerted on my chest, and water spewed out of my mind. The salt water in my eyes burned, and I could not open them. I wanted to open my eyes, to see who was speaking, but I could not find the power in myself to do so. I wondered why I was still alive, or if I was alive at all. If this was hell, why was it not as unpleasant as I thought?

Then I heard his voice. “Wake up, Bella.” My lids fluttered open, and staring back at me, eyes burning into mine, to my dismay, was Jacob. I struggled to conceal my disappointment. Jacob’s shoulders relaxed as he saw that I was staring back at him. “Welcome back.” Jacob said with a slight smile touching his lips. I breathed deeply, knowing that I was truly alive. Heaven would be much better… No scathing pain in my throat, no salt water burning my eyes. Maybe he would be there as well.

I turned my head ever so slightly. My eyes widened as I caught sight of something truly unexpected. All thoughts I’d been having went clear out of my head as my eyes caught sight of the all-too-familiar pale face.

Standing a few feet away, drenched in seawater, was Edward Cullen. The hole in my chest ripped itself wide open, leaving me writhing in silent pain. Was I truly living? Or was this heaven after all? Whichever it was, my body ached, along with the gaping hole in my chest, to have him hold me in his arms. My lips parted and I tried to speak, wincing as the effort stabbed at my throat. His eyes were sad as he stared at me, trying to decipher my expression, his legs staying put.

“I think she wants you to go.” Jacob said gruffly, stating the complete opposite of what I wanted.

“I guess I deserve that.” His voice was even better now that it was fresh, and not a figment of my imagination. I wanted to move, to stop him… But Jacob’s hands on my shoulders were suddenly pinning me down. “Goodbye, Bella.” Edward whispered. Jacob scowled at him. No! Don’t leave! I mustered up all the strength in my tired muscles and broke away from Jacob. I crawled forward on my hands and knees as quickly as I could, and managed to catch Edward’s pant leg.

With a heavy sigh, that bruised my ego, he sighed and turned around; his cold fingers leaving electric pulses in my skin as he pried my hand loose from his leg. Then he turned back around and walked away. The hole in my heart ripped larger than it had in the past months as Edward’s figure disappeared. I could hear footsteps behind me, as Jacob approached me. I turned stiff under his touch, knowing that it would be the warm one that I did not crave. I mashed my face deeper into the sand that made it hard to breathe.

“Go away…” I croaked. Jacob sighed - it was nothing like his… - and lifted me into his arms and into my truck.

“I’m sorry, Bella. I just can’t let you be with him.” Jacob said after moments of driving silently. My heart beat faster and the hole throbbed harder.

“Why, Jacob?” I said to the best of my extent. The scratchy feeling in my throat was fading now. The tears rolled down my cheeks, washing away the sand.

Jacob turned to look at me. I recognized that look in his eyes… It was a look of longing… Longing for something, or rather someone, who would never be his? “Bells…” He whispered, reaching out to touch my cheek. It stung where he touched me. “I know you don’t feel the same… And I know I’m no Edward… But I think you’d be a lot better off with me…” I broke his gaze and stared out the window, my cheeks flushing deeply. One part of me was furious; how dare he tell me what I wanted? The other part was flattered, knowing that Jacob would wait for me, no matter how long he had to. The third and final part was pining away for him. His touch, his breath… Jacob was nothing compared to him.

“You’re right. You’re not Edward.” I said stiffly. In my mind, I replayed every conversation, including the one in the forest that I had ever had with Edward. The memories did not dull the longing inside of me; it only made the desire stronger. I glanced over at Jacob, who was driving with one hand, the other pressed to the back of his neck. His eyes were closed and he looked frustrated with himself. It was as if he were going through a dilemma as well. I knew he had nothing but hate towards Edward, and seeing as I was not going to give him up so easily, it only intensified the hate.

Jacob drove me home and then promptly disappeared around the corner, not bothering to say goodbye or apologize for sending Edward away. I feared for his temper, knowing that tonight, it would not be under control. I closed the door after a long time of staring, hoping that maybe Edward’s silver Volvo would appear around the corner. Charlie poked his head out of the living room as I closed the door.

“What’s wrong, Bells? Why are you so wet?” Charlie asked; his forehead creasing.

“It’s Forks, Dad. When am I not wet?” I couldn’t tell if he saw through my phoniness, the tears had already begun to fall.

I told Charlie goodnight and trudged up the stairs to wash the sand and tears off my face. As I made my way to the bathroom, I stepped on a floorboard that creaked louder than the others. I knelt on my knees, examining the wood. The tiny edge of a white card poked out of the floorboard, and I squeezed my fingers against it, pulling it out. I gasped at what I saw.

It was a photograph of him.

My fingers trembled as I tried to pry the floorboard up, shocked at what I found inside. Covered in dust, all the things he had ‘taken’ lay face up. Even the silver CD with my lullaby in it. I rushed into my room, the things in my arms and I dumped them on my bed. The first thing I picked up was the silver CD, and I popped that eagerly into my CD player. The sound that filled the room seemed to patch up the hole in my chest in the slightest. I closed my eyes and tired to pretend that Edward was lying next to me in the bed. It was the night of my birthday all over again. I remembered the exact temperature of his skin as he brushed away my tears, holding me close to his chest as we listened to the CD together.

As the song drifted to an end, I got up off my bed and went to take my shower, hoping to clear some of my thoughts. It didn’t help that all of them were of Edward. The hot water unknotted the muscles in my back, but did not make me feel any better. I got dressed in my pajamas, toweling off my hair in haste, and returned to my room, where I would spend the rest of the night in painful solitude. I lay down on the bed, closing my eyes, pretending that it was his cold body that was next to mine, his icy arm around me. When I opened my eyes again, it was just a little after midnight. The whole house was silent except for the sound of Charlie’s distinct snore.

The cold seeped through the quilt and to my skin, and I knew it was just because of the draft in the house. That was when I turned my head and I saw him, lying beside me, staring up at the ceiling. He heard the rustle of the quilt as I turned my head to stare at him. Edward (It still stung to think his name…or say it for that matter…) turned to stare at me, his shadowy eyes burning into mine. I reached a hand to touch his face hesitantly, afraid he would reject me. To my surprise, his fingers wrapped around my wrist and pushed my hand harder against his face. I felt the cool eyelid and examined his dark shadows.

“I’m not thirsty, honestly.” Edward said finally, seeing my reluctance to touch him, misinterpreting it as fear for his black irises.

“Why are you back?” I said, sounding dazed and disoriented.

“I’m not quite sure myself.” Edward’s gaze shifted from me and he stared off into space, his hand still wrapped around my wrist. I assumed his next action would be to duck out of that window, to leave again. The partially healed hole in my chest threatened to rip itself open again. My muscles grew rigid, and Edward noticed the sudden stiffening. “I think it was because I needed to see you again…” He said, trailing off. “Why did you jump off that cliff?” He switched topics so briskly I found myself unable to answer his question. I did not want to give the real reason why I jumped, knowing that if he just left again, my suicidal action would’ve gone to waste, if he did not stay otherwise.

“I… don’t know.” I said, answering to the best of my ability. Edward touched my face, electric currents shooting through my skin, and I prayed that I was not dreaming. I wanted this to be real, to actually be lying next to Edward, to have his icy skin actually against my skin… Then Edward shifted away from me, no longer in contact. “Are you going to leave again now?” I asked suddenly.

Edward glanced at me and his lips parted as he began to speak.