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Now or Never

Summary:
This is a sonfic told from Edward's POV when he decides to leave and leaves Bella in New Moon.


Notes:


1. NOW OR NEVER

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 867   Review this Chapter

“I watch the morning dawn upon your skin”

She’s so beautiful. I want only to stay with her forever.

“A splinter in the light"

I can't believe what happend tonight. I thought everything would be perfect...

It caught and frayed the very heart of us
It's been hiding there inside for all this time”

How can I keep putting her life in danger? I laid next to her that night, pondering what was right and wrong. Can I continue to risk her life? She’s in danger every moment she spends with me. Right or wrong… I don’t know what I’ll do for sure, not now.

“How a sure thing winds up just like this
Clockwork silence only knows”

A simple paper cut. That’s all it was and she almost died because of that. All those stitches… her blood… I couldn’t even help her. I’m weak.


“And it's no one's fault”

It was my fault. I put her in danger. My very existence puts her in danger.


“There's no black and white

Only you and me
On this endless night”

I’m a vampire and she’s human. Our love will never work. She can’t safely exist in my world. I can only truly be safe in the darkness, she needs the sun.



“And as the hours run away
With another life”

I can’t exist in her world.


“Oh, darling can't you see
It's now or never”.

I’ve got to leave Bella, for her own safety. If I don’t do it now, I don’t know if I ever could.


”It's now or never”

Resolved, I know that we must leave. I can’t let my love for Bella put my family in danger any longer.

****

Next Day: Cullen Home

“Sweeping eggshells still at 3 A.M“.

The flowers and shattered glass still laid on the floor. I look into everyone’s eyes. I know the decision we must make.


“We're trying far too hard
The tattered thought balloons above our heads"

I look at Alice, she's thinking of Jasper. I see the hurt and I can hear her concern. Her thoughts are on Jasper's well being. He was trying so hard to be good.

Sinking in the weight of all we need to say”


We are trying too hard to stay good. Jasper has fought his thirst for so long. We've got to leave.

“Why's and what if's have since long played out
Left us short on happy endings”

“We need to leave.” I spoke quietly. “There’s no other choice for our family.” Alice looked at me with wide eyes, questioning my decision to leave the only love of my life behind. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve got to go and see her… I love her.


“And it's no one's fault
There's no black and white”

I sit in the living room with Charlie, watching some mindless game. I laugh, trying not to show my true intentions. Bella sneaks around the corner, snapping a picture as she returns to the living room. I know she knows something is going on. I can’t do this… but I must.


“Only you and me
On this endless night
And as the hours run away
With another life”

I stand beside her now, Charlie is taking our photo. “Smile Bella.” He says. She tries to pull herself to me, I stand there as still as a statue. I can not force a smile to appear on my face. I will finish this soon.

“Oh, darling can't you see
It's now or never
It's now or never”

“Will you stay tonight?” She asks.

“Not tonight.” I leave and return home. I can't think of the right words to say. I don't want to do this....

School is unbearable the next day. I try not to show her how worried I am. I know she suspects something.

****

Day 4: Outside Bella's Home


“You know that there's so much more”

It's now or never I tell myself as I ask her to walk with me. I hope it’s not too much for her… for me. I’ve got to do what’s best for her. That’s what I promised myself when I decided to be with her. If I truly love her- I can let her go.


“And it's no one's fault”

“Bella, we’re leaving.” I spoke as she looked at me. I knew I had caught her off guard.


“There's no black and white”

“Bella, it’s time…” I can’t do this. I struggle hard not to let my voice break. I must play the part.

“Only you and me
On our final night”

I could see the struggle in her eyes as she tried to keep her cool. “You…don’t…want… me?” All I could answer was “No.”


“And as the hours run away
With another life”

“My world is not for you…” My still heart broke with the realization that the words coming from my mouth were true. She begs me not to do this and I tell her that I’m tired of pretending to be something and someone I’m not. I’ve got to do this quick, or I will never be able to leave.

“Oh, darling can't you see
It's now or never”

I told her to take care of herself and turned to leave. I know that she’s following me. I hear her footsteps in the background. I’m in agony. I want to turn, run back to her and hold her in my arms. I want to be with her forever- but I know I can’t.


“It's now or never”

“It will be as if I never existed.”