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Emmett Takes Band

Emmett Cullen decides that he must drop shop, his most loved class, in order to take... dum dum dum.... band. Will he succeed? Will Miss Viner make it? What instrument will he play? Read and find out!

Every year I get students in band who have no idea how to play an instrument. They just want to play. This got me thinking... What would happen if Emmett Cullen decided that he wanted to be in band? Here's my take on what I think could happen.

3. Trombone: The New Weapon of Mass Destruction

Rating 5/5   Word Count 2002   Review this Chapter

He laughed and laughed, the whole time I was chasing him. We ran behind the school into the forest. There was no way I was going to let him beat me home. I tried to throw my thoughts into his head.

Can’t a vampire get some privacy on occasion? Oh Edward, please, PLEASE don’t say anything to anyone. Especially Bella! PLEASE! PPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEE!

“Not when it’s you, Emmett,” Edward laughed. “Not when it’s you.”

There was no way that I would ever live this down. I thought about poor Miss Viner, laying there on the floor with a huge egg shaped bump on her forehead. Truth be told I was accident prone, almost as bad as Bella was. The biggest difference in us was that I usually only hurt inanimate objects. I always picked on Bella whenever she did something clumsy. What would she say to me now? I thought about it for a long time…

What would she say to me? Probably something like “Nice going Emmett.” or “The tuba master needs to get a medical degree- so next time he can do something for the person that he accidentally knocks out .”

I gritted my teeth. I couldn’t see, or hear, Edward any longer. No matter how fast I was, Edward was faster. I figured he had probably went back and got his car, and headed home. I realized then that I really didn’t want to face my family. I headed home with my head hung low. I reached the house and opened the front door, something suddenly slammed into me.

“Oomph. Whoa baby,” Rosalie laughed before she had a chance to look into my eyes. “What’s the matter with you?

“Nothing,” I grumbled.

“Emmett, I know something is bothering you.” She looked at me with concern in her eyes.

I started to answer her when Bella came bursting down the stairs towards me. I glared at Edward as she stopped in front of me. She had the biggest I-got-you-now grin on her face.

“Hey Emmett, what did the tuba player get on his test?” I didn’t answer and she smiled. “Drool.”

“That’s so not funny, Bella…” Rosalie tried to stop her.

“I’ve been waiting for a while to do this to him.” Bella laughed. “Fall down again Bella, ha ha ha.”

I was getting a taste of my own medicine and I knew it. That didn’t matter, I wanted to lay on the floor and throw a huge temper tantrum. I knew that as soon as Edward had arrived home that he called and told Bella. In fact, he probably went and got her from home just so she could make fun of me.

I’ll kill you! I can’t believe that you told her… her of all people… she will never back down.

“Two tuba players walk past a bar… it could happen.” She smiled at me.

If I could have cried at that point I might have. I was so angry at myself for what had happened today.

Why didn’t I just stick with making wooden doll rocking chairs? I was so good at that. Oh that’s right because I am a chump.

I had forgotten that Edward was still behind Bella. His raucous laughter broke though my inner ramblings.

Not a single word. I glared at him and he nodded.

“Why don’t we go and work on your homework?” Edward suggested to Bella.

“I was having too much fun.” Bella whined. Edward gave her a look and she nodded her head. “Fine. Let’s go do my homework Mr. Never Let Me Make Fun of Emmett.”

“Trust me Love. There will be many more things you can make fun of him about later.”

They exited the room and I returned to my self loathing.

“So what are you going to do about band?” Rosalie questioned.

“Well I told Miss Viner that I would go back to shop and she told me that she would just switch me to a different instrument.”

“Really… what are you going to play now?”

“Trombone.” I smiled. I knew Rosalie was trying to make me feel better.

“Would you like it if I helped you out?”


With that said we headed to our room and got on the internet. All night Rosalie quizzed me over the parts of the trombone. I knew how to oil the slides, where the positions on the slide was, and even how to put it together. I decided that tomorrow would be a better day.


The next day I dressed in my nicest clothing and wrote Miss Viner a nice long note. I had begged Carlisle to purchase a small “I’m Sorry” gift for Miss Viner and he had made a mad dash to Seattle for me. I walked towards the music room when it was forth hour and noticed Miss Viner waiting to greet everyone as they entered the room. She still had the egg shaped bump on her forehead and I noticed that she winced a little when she saw me coming.

“Hi Emmett, I’m so glad to have you in class today.” She smiled at me.

“Thanks Miss Viner. By the way I brought this for you for yesterday. I’m so sorry that I was so clumsy.”

“Thank you. It’s okay though, everyone has a clumsy moment every now and then.”

I smiled at her.

“I told you that we were going to try the trombone today right?” She questioned.

“Yes ma'am. I worked really hard on it last night.”

We headed to the back of the room and she handed me a sleek black case. Once I had my case in hand she directed me to the trombone section. I laid the case down on the floor and took my chair. I made extra special effort to be careful taking the shiny silver horn from it’s case. I marveled in the gloriousness of all that was trombone. I took out the small bottle of slide oil and opened the cap. I must have squeezed too hard, because all of a sudden I was covered in clear oil. I removed the side from the horn and then took my hand and slid it over the naked inner slide. I heard someone laugh in front of me.

“Hey Cullen,” A voice whispered from the right side. “Don’t knock anyone out this time.”

I rolled my eyes and continued to get ready for class. I tried to remember the steps for getting ready to play.

1. Lock the slide by turning the slide ring to the right. Turn slide into the bell section in a 90 degree angle.

2. Put mouthpiece on carefully.

3. Place left thumb around bell brace, right hand around mouthpiece…

4. Place right thumb and first two fingers on the second side brace.

5. Support the trombone with your left hand only… and start.

I knew I was totally ready for this class now. Miss Viner went to her podium and took her traditional spot at the front of the band.

“Concert Bb scale in half notes.” She moved her arms in a 4/4 pattern and the band started playing.

I liked my lips and placed the mouthpiece to my lips.

Bwam. My eyes popped open in surprise.

Oh my God! I did it! Yes! I am the Trombone Master. You will bow before me cretins.

I went to move my slide to sixth position C and nothing happened.

Huh? What’s going on?

I desperately tried to move it once more and nothing moved. I didn’t want to use my ultra awesome vampire strength, because I was sure Miss Viner would kill me if I destroyed her beautiful silver trombone. I sat there in total disbelief and waited until the song was over.

“Hey moron,” Daniel said. “You have to unlock your slide before you try to move it.”

I heard someone snickering in front of me and noticed all too soon who it was.

Mike Newton! He’s such a poser! Chump, stupid trumpet player!

I unlocked my slide and got ready to play again.

“Alright class, let’s do the E Major Scale.” Miss Viner announced. “In quarter notes on the way up and eighth notes on the way down and then complete the whole scale in sixteenth notes.”

I was ready this time. First note was low E and it was in seventh position, no other position worked for it.

“Emmett, make sure you play this time.” Mike laughed.

I’ll show you play this time.

I growled and aimed the end of my slide to the back of his head. First note, the low E I smacked Mike in the back of the head. He turned, glared at me and then turned around again. I continued to smack him in the back of the head with every seventh position note in the scale. Something I learned all to soon was that karama is the devil and it came back to me.

Unfortunately, when we started going into the sixteenth note pattern my well oiled slide went shooting across the room, knocking over Miss Viner’s stand. When the stand fell it smacked her right toe and I heard the snap of it. She started hopping up and down, trying her best not to cuss.

Great. Here I go again. Why me?

“Whose slide is this?” Miss Viner snapped, as she was hopping around on her left foot.

I sheepishly raised my hand.

“I’m sorry Miss Viner.”

“Please come and get it. Alisha, would you please call the nurse… again.”

The first chair clarinet player stood up, laid her horn across the chair and headed to the office. Everyone watched me as I headed to the front of the room and retrieved my slide. I returned it to its proper place and headed to my seat. I sat there amazed.

“Hey Cullen?” Someone spoke over at my right. I turned and accidentally smacked him in the arm with my slide.

“Dude watch where you’re aiming that thing.” It came from my left and I turned to see who it was, smacking him in the nose. I looked up to see Miss Viner looking at me, she looked tired.

“Umm… Emmett, would you please see me after class?”

“Yes Miss Viner.”

I sat still at my stand and waited for class to end. One of the students was nice enough to bring Miss Viner a stool to sit on. Once more the nurse arrived and checked out my latest path of destruction.

“I think your toe might be broken.” She gave a sympathetic look. “Not much you can do for it, now. I’ll get you some ice and when the bell rings we can go to the ER.”

“Thanks,” Miss Viner half smiled.

Class ended fifteen minutes later and I went to the front of the room.

“You wanted to see me?”

“Yes, I did. I’m thinking perhaps the trombone isn’t the best instrument for you.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll change tomorrow…” I glanced up at her.

“Why do you keep telling me you’re going to change classes. I have faith that you can learn and play an instrument. I’m just not sure it’s one of the big ones. Let’s try something different… tomorrow.”

“Oh,” I was relieved. “Well thanks and sorry again Miss Viner.”

“I have faith in you.” She smiled at me again.

“Can I help you outside?”

“Sure… why not.”

I helped her to the nurses waiting car and waved as they left the school grounds. I was so thankful that no one was around today to see that, well at least no one from my family was around. I headed off to my next class. When the lunch bell rang, I headed into the cafeteria where my family was all sitting.

“So Emmett,” Bella smiled. “When did a trombone become a weapon of mass destruction.”


“Real funny Bella.” I snapped. “Who told you?”

“Mike Newton,” She smiled again.

“I’m going to get him tomorrow.” I snapped.


“Tomorrow,“ I grinned. “I start the trumpet. I’ll give him a weapon of mass destruction.”

Our table was suddenly silent and I had seven pairs of eyes gazing at me.

“Heck, after the tuba and trombone the trumpet should be a breeze.”

Poor Mike, he’d never see it coming. Tomorrow… sweet, sweet revenge would be mine. Oh and I needed to ask Carlisle to pick up another “I’m Sorry” gift for Miss Viner…