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In The Moment

Summary:
Jacob's reflections on his new life and love, post-Breaking Dawn. A series of one-shots as his imprint changes with the years. Time transforms them, yet so much stays the same.


Notes:
THERE BE SPOILERS AHEAD!!! consider yourself warned. Right, my first attempt at Jake's POV. warning, immense amounts of Quil/Claire are going to sneak into this story while i'm not looking, because those two seriously never shut up... they're always talking in my brain. Sigh. Anyway, barring my insanity, this will be a bunch of one-shots, loosely connected, heavy on the thinking and low on the action. They will be written as they occur to me.


4. Smell

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 555   Review this Chapter

Bella smells like ice now, and sweetness, and fire. I’m used to the reek at this point. I can hardly leave, after all. I’m bound here by something more than love, more than my own desires. Nessie needs me near. The smell of vampire burning my nose is a small price to pay for that.

When she was human, Bella smelt good. She used a strawberry shampoo, I remember, and the smell of her hair would always seep out, especially in the rain. And it was always raining.

Nessie doesn’t stink, even though she’s half-vampire. It isn’t just me, either. Leah and Seth agree. Her scent is very distinct.

She smells like warmth, and rain, and sweetness. But it’s a different kind of sweet than a vampire—where Bella’s scent is white sugar, Ness smells like honey.

It’s a subtle difference.

But it’s important.

There’s another, even more vital, distinction. I did not imprint on Nessie because she’s like Bella. I know that much, absolutely. I loved Bella because her daughter is the one I’m meant for, and she really does resemble her.

In mannerisms, little things, and in appearance. Nessie and Bella have the same eyes, the same blush, the same smile. Nessie bites her nails when she’s nervous and chews on her lip when she’s thinking.

Her favorite book is Wuthering Heights.

Mine is Midsummer Night’s Dream.

I read it, finally, when Edward drew a comparison between imprinting and the magic of the flowers.

I disagree with that metaphor.

There’s nothing random about it. It’s not so easy, and there’s no easily reversible countercharm. It’s a different kind of love, too. I’m not obsessed with Nessie. If she told me to leave her alone, I would. I wouldn’t go chasing her through the forest.

But I would do anything for her.

Because everything she is I love.

I don’t have a choice. I don’t want a choice.

I still love Bella, underneath it all. If I close my eyes and search for it, I can find the feeling. It’s just as strong, just as painful, just as ferocious and compelling, the desire to love her and protect her and make her mine.

But I can’t act on in. I don’t want to, no, but I literally can’t. That feeling has been eclipsed entirely by another, stronger emotion. I am bound in a way I can’t fight and can’t explain, to Nessie, and that tie is forever, and then some.

Everything and more.

Eternal and longer.

Consuming and stronger.

I’d say I love her, but that would be a sad little word in comparison to the depth of it.

Instead I’ll just say that I’m entirely hers, forever and ever.

I adore everything about her. Her face. Her smile. Her touch. Her power. Her voice. Her smell.

Every trait she possesses pulls me closer in, doubles the binding, and that’s what I want, all I want. To be hers.

The pain is gone, really. It’s in me, hidden somewhere, but the agony of losing Bella is hidden beneath layers of other, stronger, better, bigger feelings.

I can’t feel it.

It’s everything I hoped for once and then some.