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Breaking Dawn; Revised Edition

Well for those of you who were not satisfied with Breaking Dawn and the perfection in Bella's life, this story is for you. We're taking a heavy duty (haha doodie...)vacuum and sucking out the sugar, leaving the main plot, but adding a little dash of pain and maybe a few more deaths. Hope you enjoy! PS- This fan fiction belongs completely to Stephanie Meyer...All the characters, writing, etc. etc.

M'kay, a friend and I read Breaking Dawn, and let's just say, we weren't very happy with the outcome, so we've decided to try and re-write the story with a little more drama. I also really hope I don't have to change the title because I can't think of anything creative enough. XD We're sorry if we're slow because for one, there's two of us here trying to collaborate, and we're also a little (okay, maybe a lot) behind on summer reading for this up coming school year. We'll keep it going as fast a possible though! Thanks!

9. Chapter Four; Part Two

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 1107   Review this Chapter

Edward took a step back, an almost grateful smile on his face.


Jake, now towering over me, pulled me to him, his hands hot on my waist.

“Whoa, déjà vu, huh, Bells?” he said, referring to the last time we’d danced at the prom that Edward forced me to go to.

“Oh, Jake! I’m so glad you’re back!” I could feel tears pooling at the sides of my eyes as I looked up into his warm face.

“Well, I couldn’t miss your wedding,” he said, looking away. “Even if it’s to a bloodsucker. Plus I brought you a gift.”

“Jake, you didn’t have to bring anything. I’m just glad you’re here!” I held onto him as though he was going to run away from me again.

“But it’s a wedding, plus it was just gathering dust. You’d put it to better use,” he smiled mysteriously, making me want to see what it was. “Come on, Bells, I can see the curiosity. Do you wanna see what I brought?”

“I guess.” Edward, who was standing by the piano, took a step forward, but I shook my head. I didn’t need them around. I hadn’t seen Jake in months, and now I just wanted some alone time with my best friend and my sun.

Jacob took my hand in his blazing hot one, and led me to the front of the house. The sun was just beginning to set, and with only a gentle mist, shyly broke through the grey clouds, lighting up the yard with a deep red light. The crystals in the trees went crazy.

“Okay, now close your eyes,” said Jake, his voice excited.

“What do you people have against sight???” I complained loudly, allowing him to cover my eyes with his free hand. He led me towards the end of the driveway where it met the road, all the while humming in the silence. The train of my dress was dragging in the dirt, and I could almost hear Alice’s complaints.

“Okay, here it is. Ready?”

“Sure, Jake.”

“Come on, Bells. You gotta sound more excited than THAT!

“Of course, Jacob Black! I can’t wait!” He chuckled and uncovered my eyes. The shadows from the trees around us were falling on the ground, but a ray of light broke through, shinning perfectly upon a red motorcycle.

“Jake! The bike!! You kept it!” I dropped his hand to step forward and reach out for the motorcycle that he and I-- mostly he--had fixed up during what I thought of as ‘the dark era’.

“Of course I kept it, dummy!” he flicked my forehead playfully. “Why would I get rid of a perfectly good bike with many an hour of work put into it? Who cares if the city sheriff didn’t like it?”

“Jake, it’s perfect! Thank you so much!” I tried to turn and hug him, but my dress got in my way, and I ended up falling into him, his arms shooting out to catch me.

Blushing violently, I steadied myself and looked up at him. His eyebrows were pulled together, his mouth straight.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, but he didn’t say anything. I started to back away from him, but he pulled me into a hug, refusing to let go. I hugged him back, but when I felt the hug should’ve ended, it continued.

“Bella,” he started. I waited for him to keep going, but he didn’t speak.


“Bella, are you sure?” I pulled back again, and this time he released me, but only so that I could pull my face away to look at his.

“Yes, Jake.” It hurt me so much to do this. I knew how much I was hurting him, but what could I do? I was too weak to cut him out of my life when I had the chance, and now I’d let it go too far. I’d made my decision, and it would turn us into enemies. I’d have to leave and never see him again.

He gave a dark chuckle and looked away from my face. His hands trembled slightly behind my back, which didn’t add to my comfort.

“It’s just hard, ya’ know? I can’t think of you as anything but a clumsy human.” I started to protest, but he kept going. “Never a bloodsucker. Never my rival…” His voice was thick, and his hands continued to tremble. “Bells, I don’t want to hurt you. I’ll never hurt you, just know that now and try to remember that when you’re a…a vampire.” He had to struggle to say the proper word rather than ‘leech’ or ‘bloodsucker’. He allowed me that privilege.

It struck me just then that this was our good-bye. I’d go on my honeymoon soon, and not long after that they’d change me. Once the pact was broken we’d have to leave, and I’d never see Jacob Black again.

“Jake,” I reached up to touch his burning face. “I know you’d never hurt me, I just hope I don’t hurt you more than I already have. You’ve been so great to me,” I paused to take a deep breath and hold my tears a bay. “You were there during my hard times, and I wish I could be there for yours. I’m…I’ll…” I willed myself to finish the sentence. “I’ll miss you…” He smiled sadly.

“Yeah, Bells, I’ll miss you too.” And then he leaned down and pressed a light kiss to my lips. It was unlike our previous embraces. There was no anger and no struggle. It was just quick and sweet.

“Bye, Bella.” He dropped his hands, and took a step back, brushing the flyaway hairs from my face.

“Love you,” I tried to smile, and make this good-bye a happy one, even though I’d be mourning the loss for a very long time.

“Love you too.” He turned towards the trees and sprinted off. I could almost hear the rip of his jeans as he phased. I couldn’t help but chuckle sadly at him. ‘There goes another pair of shorts.’

And then Edward was there. He kept his distance, always the gentleman. Unsure of whether I wanted to be alone right now. His cool sweet smell glided by me, helping me to clear my mind and put on a happy face.

This was my wedding, I reminded myself. This is Edward’s wedding. I shouldn’t be whining during his wedding. There will be plenty of time for that later. I took another deep breath and straightened up before turning to him. I gave him my strongest smile and he rushed forward, wrapping his arms around me.

“Are you okay, love?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said, my voice still a little off. “I’ll be fine. Can you help me with my gift?” I pointed towards the bike that still managed to shine, even in the oncoming twilight.