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The Ancients Go to Therapy

Well, as we may have noticed, the ancients (Aro, Marcus, and Caius) have some...problems. Issues, if you will. So here's a little series of one-shots (though I'll never know the true definition of that term), beginning with Caius - the pyromaniac. *This originally was just going to be "Caius Goes to Therapy" but then I realized that Aro and Marcus have some issues too. Aro might possibly be gay (even though he has a wife...), and Marcus is just SO excitable.


1. Chapter 1: Caius

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1050   Review this Chapter

Caius raised a hand as he spoke, and in it was a strange metal object, carved and ornate.

This was a signal. The response was so fast that we all stared in stunned disbelief while it happened. Before there was time to react, it was over.

Three of the Volturi soldiers leaped forward, and Irina was completely obscured by their gray cloaks. In the same instant, a horrible metallic screeching ripped through the clearing. Caius slithered into the center of the gray melee, and the shocking squealing sound exploded into a startling upward shower of sparks and tongues of flame. The soldiers leaped back from the sudden inferno, immediately retaking their places in the guard’s perfectly straight line.

Caius stood alone beside the blazing remains of Irina, the metal object in his hand still throwing a thick jet of flame into the pyre.

With a small clicking sound, the fire shooting from Caius’s hand disappeared. A gasp rippled through the mass of witnesses behind the Volturi.

We were too aghast to make any noise at all. It was one thing to know that death was coming with fierce, unstoppable speed; it was another thing to watch it happen.

Caius smiled coldly. “Now she has taken full responsibility for her actions.”’

“Caius,” the man began in a long, drawling tone that was meant to be comforting, “do you know why you’re here?”

“Of course I do,” he snapped in reply. He crossed his arms over his chest and glared over at the wall opposite of the man.

“Caius, I understand how…frustrated you must be. Anger is not an easy thing to control. It’s normal to have issues with coping.”

“Don’t know what you are talking about,” Caius mumbled, staring at a poster above the man’s head titled, “What is Divorce?

“Caius,” the man paused to reach out and touch Caius’s arm. Caius leapt back, hissing between his teeth – a warning for the human to stay away. “Caius, your brothers are worried about you.”

“Of course they are,” Caius mumbled in the same antagonistic tone.

The man straightened in his chair, trying to get Caius to look at him. “I’m sensing some tension when I talk about your brothers. Is there anything you want to tell me?”

Caius looked down to give the man a murderous glare. His eyes swiveled to another poster, titled “How to Know When to Say ‘No’

“I don’t want to talk about them,” he replied dryly, his eyes prickling with emotion he tried to block.

“I’m sensing you do,” the man said quietly in that boring tone. Caius began to think he sounded just like Marcus.

“Alright!” He let out an exasperated sigh. “My brothers piss me off to no end. It’s no surprise that they sent me here,” Caius spat, clearly showing his distaste.

“Now we’re getting somewhere,” the man drawled on, scribbling on a clipboard.

Caius scowled at the wall, focusing on an area where the paint had begun to peel away.

“Now,” the man continued, looking up and folding his hands, interlacing the fingers. He raised his interlocked hands to his face, resting his two index fingers on his lips, “tell me why they anger you so.”

“Well,” Caius started, biting his lip for a moment, “Aro,” he growled the name “is just so goddamn-”

“Ah, ah, ah,” the man chided, making a tsking sound with his tongue against his teeth. “You know the rule about language, Caius.”

“Right,” he grumbled, opening his mouth again to continue. The man stopped him again.

“I want you to tell me what it is.”

“Do I have to?” Caius grumbled, sounding like a child.

“Yes.” The man’s firm tone did not waver.

Caius made a face and began in a sour tone, “When we cuss,” his tone mocked the man’s slow, drawling voice, “our face fills with…” His lips pinched together as he refused to finish.

“Say it,” the man ordered.

Puss.” Caius spat, crossing his arms tighter and scowling. “Happy now?”

“Yes,” the man smiled a slight smile. “Now, continue.”

Caius took a deep breath. “So Aro’s just so…god- goddang happy all the time, and it’s so infuriating. He’s just like, ‘Look it’s Alice and Bella, too! Oh, happy day!”’ His voice mimicked his brother’s poorly, making him sound gay. “He never takes anything seriously.”

The man held up his hand, stopping him for a moment. “Who are Alice and Bella, if I may ask?”

“Oh, they’re nobody – just some vegan vampires from America,” He said the word ‘America’ like it was predictable that anyone in America would be a little off.

“Explain vegan vampires, please.” The man folded his hands the same way again, and put his fingers to his lips once more.

“They don’t drink human blood,” he said, as if it were obvious. “Of course they’re American, because that place is just crawling with even human hippies.”

The man unfolded his hands to write something else down. Caius caught a glimpse of part of it, and read, “…seems to think he is a vampire and that others exist…something about vegan vampires in America

“You think I’m crazy, don’t you?” Caius accused.

“No, not at all,” the man said, seeming to humor him. He shifted his leg so that the clipboard tilted upwards and out of sight. “Tell me about your other brother, Marcus.”

“Ugh – don’t even get me started on him. Even since his wife died, he’s been so unemotional. He always looks bored, he never talks. It’s just so rude! Even when we have company, he just wanders off to sulk.”

“I see,” the man said, scribbling on his paper.

There was an awkward silence as the man scribbled for a little while longer. Caius had begun to get frustrated with the slow human, and felt the urge to set him aflame. Caius did not, however, have his special lighter, and therefore could not.

“Mmm-kay,” the man said suddenly, sounding like Mr. Garrison from South Park. “You’re done, Caius. I’d like you to send in Aro next, if you would.”