To Be Whole
Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet. Bella and Edward become whole. *Written before Breaking Dawn arrived. please, review!
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I climbed into the bed next to Edward, and he held his arm out to me, inviting me into his embrace. I put my arm around his waist and lay my head down on his shoulder. He had changed into flannel pajama pants and a plain black t-shirt. For some reason, I had never considered what Edward wore to bed, reminding myself that most nights, he was in my bed anyway, and never changed until the next morning. I giggled, because the fact that he wore something so normal, struck me as odd.
“What’s so funny,” he asked, eyes closed.
His voice sounded like demure velvet.
“Nothing,” I sighed, burying my face into his neck, tickling him with my breath.
He shifted, and I found myself half laying on top of him, my leg hitched at his hip and my head on his chest, and my arm draped across his very hard, very tight stomach. My breath caught. There is a lot of pushing boundaries tonight, I noted, and it wasn’t all coming from me.
“Are you alright,” he asked, concerned.
“Fine,” I replied, weakly. And I was fine. Except that I was deliciously close to something that would probably make me spontaneously combust from the sheer delight of him. I could tell he was looking at me, but I tried to keep my face composed into what I hoped was an unreadable expression.
His hands found my hair as he asked, “Was it as bad as you thought it would be?”
“No,” I admitted. “I actually enjoyed it, reception and all.”
Edward sighed contentedly. “Good,” he said.
“I can’t believe you invited Jake, Edward,” I said, remembering the place holder for him at the reception. I frowned, realizing I hadn’t thought about him at all up until this point.
“He deserved a choice, Bella,” Edward replied.
“What do you mean, ‘a choice’,” I demanded.
Edward continued to stroke my hair as he replied.
“As much as the d—he irritates me, I understood that even if you had gone the other way, and it was you and him getting married, I would want the choice to be there. I would want to be able to know that I could freely choose if I did or did not want to show up, be in the wings, if you will. For your sake,” he added as an afterthought.
“You knew he wouldn’t come?” I asked, avoiding the question I really wanted to ask.
“Yes,” Edward replied after a moment.
“And that made you feel better about inviting him,” I said slowly, “because you knew he wouldn’t show anyway.”
“That didn’t make me feel better, Bella,” Edward said, his voice getting hard. “I was…worried he would show and then do something desperate,” he added, softening his voice, “In a last vain attempt to get you to stay, but I didn’t do it because I knew he wouldn’t show, therefore inflating my already smug ideas of my gain and his loss.”
We were silent for a while, as he continued to stroke my hair and I just blew warm breaths onto his cold skin. When I finally looked him at him, he was, again, already looking at me.
“What?” I asked.
“Are you sure you want to do this,” he asked me.
“Do what?” I asked, mildly confused.
“This,” he stated simply, gesturing to us. “Be with me. Forever.” For a moment I caught a look of doubt in his eyes before his expression became unreadable.
I blinked, as I let the question seep in. The more I thought about it, the more absurd of a question it became. And the angrier I got at him.
“Yes,” I said, stonily.
“Why did you say it like that,” he asked.
“Why did you even bother to ask,” I shot back, annoyed.
“I wanted to know,” he said. “I didn’t want you to feel like I was pushing you into something.”
“Edward, how many times in this lifetime am I going to have to tell you that you don’t push me into anything? I wanted this,” I said gesturing to us. “I want us. Forever. There’s close to nothing that I’ve never been more sure of in my life.”
“What about Charlie, and Renee, and everyone,” he asked, looking slightly concerned.
“What about them,” I asked. “They will be fine. Nothing is going to happen to them.
They know I love them…I just want to be with you more.”
Edward let go of me, and then got out of the bed.
“Where are you going,” I demanded, looking pouty.
“Nowhere, love,” he replied lightly, crossing the room and opening the long glass windows that took up his entire south facing wall.
I hadn’t realized how dark the room had been before he opened them, save for the small lamp that was on, next to his bed. I sat up and watched him as he gracefully reached up and undid the latches that held the metal sheets in place over the glass. As he lifted his arm, I caught a glimpse of his hard stomach and my stomach lurched. He was beautiful. All of him. It made me think, subconsciously, about how ordinarily boring I must look next to him. With two steps he was back in the bed next to me, turning out the light.
I lay back down and shifted my weight so I was on my side facing him, half under the covers. I snuggled in closer to him and lay my head against his cool chest, conforming my body to his, which was disappointedly over the covers.
“Can you please get under the covers,” I asked mildly.
He swept the covers back and ended up right next to me, and I inhaled him. I put one arm around his waist and looked up at him. His eyes bore into mine intensely, and I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t even think.
I reached up and began to trace his face with my hand, and he did the same. I tried to recommit the already memorized details to mind; his smooth forehead, his slightly pointed, perfect nose, his dark, curly eyelashes, his perfect lips. I wanted to soak it all in, and never forget it. In the back of my mind, I knew I never would.
He looked at me, and before I could register in my mind what I was doing, my lips caught his in a light embrace. He pulled away to look at me, and then caught mine again, in a gentle, exonerating dance. I crushed my body against his, and as he opened his mouth slightly to deepen the kiss, I slid my tongue out again, and swept across his bottom lip. He exhaled slowly, and I could taste his breath on my tongue. God, he tasted like heaven.
And he was driving me insane.
Heat coursed through my veins as his hand found my hair as the other ran lightly down my arm, across my stomach to my waist, then down my hips, stopping there. It burned, but it was the most desirable burning I’d ever feel. I pulled my tongue back into my mouth, as all coherent thought escaped me. As much as I needed air, I needed this more. He darted his tongue over my lips, and swept it across there, three times ending in the center of my bottom lip. Unthinkingly, I mimed what he did earlier, and pulled his tongue into my mouth. I think I almost died.
His lips crashed urgently into mine as our tongues danced, and as I pulled away for much needed air, his kisses didn’t stop. He shifted down, and began trailing kisses from my cheek, down my neck to the base of my throat and back up, creating a train of kisses that left me dizzier than I already was.
I knew I was breathing raggedly, and I felt stupid, but it didn’t matter, because Edward, I realized was breathing just as heavy, save for the loud noises of breath escaping my throat. I grabbed lightly onto his hair, and tugged him back up to face me, and urgently sought out his lips with my own.
“Bella,” he growled into my mouth, breathing into my mouth.
I just wanted him to shut up.
So I pressed my lips more firmly into his mouth, and my body closer to his. His arm shifted off my hip and traveled down my leg to my knee, then stopped at my calf. He kneaded the flesh there for a moment, then grabbed my leg underneath, and pulled it over his hip, shifting his weight in the process. I ended up on top of him.
I abandoned his mouth, much to his chagrin; he growled lightly, and I began to kiss his neck. I peppered kisses to the hollow at his throat, and then back up, stopping only to dart my tongue out at the base where his ear connected to his neck. He hissed, and I giggled lightly.
“Bella,” he growled again, his voice tight.
“What,” I whispered against his ear.
“You’re killing me,” he growled quietly, gripping me around my waist with one hand and running his hand down my side with the other.
“But you’re already dead,” I teased, lacing my fingers into his hair.
“There’s death after death, you know,” he said quietly, slightly breathless.
I craned my neck to look at his face, and he looked like he was trying very hard to control himself. His eyes were smoldering, black ice. I knew that look. It was one of unfiltered desire. For me.
“Is this too much for you, Edward?” I asked slyly.
“No,” he said, looking at the ceiling, narrowing his eyes.
I looked at him, raising an eyebrow, and he looked down at me and said quietly, “yes.”
“Do you want to stop,” I asked, frowning. Usually, he was the one to pull away, disentangle himself and stop pushing the boundaries.
“No,” he sighed, catching me by surprise. “I just…you’re making me want you.”
“Don’t you already,” I asked, confused.
“Yes,” he said slowly. “I can usually ignore your scent; it’s always there, but it’s easier to push it aside. But, you’re…consuming me,” he added, struggling for words. “It’s so much. You’re making me want to kill you.”
“I don’t care,” I said. He was killing me. Just not in that way.
“So then, control yourself,” I said, finally breathing normally.
“I’m trying,” he said, frustrated. “But, I think I might be the one to combust before this is over.”
I replied by, for the third time, pressing my lips to his. “Be good, Edward,” I said quietly, murmuring into his mouth.
He responded with what I could only call a purr.