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'Scared'

Summary:
Edward and Bella whilst they are apart in New Moon. Both thinking about eachother and what has changed.


Notes:


1. Scared

Rating 5/5   Word Count 886   Review this Chapter

Bella’s POV

The blank pages of my diary,
That I haven't touched since you left me,

I flicked deftly through the pages of the notebook I had once used to record my thoughts, feelings and secrets. It had been blank since the day I walked down that path with Edward. It seemed an ominous sign to me, the blank white of the pages staring at me and taunting me about the life I used to live.

Of course there was no point writing anything now anyway, the words would only turn illegible the second they went on the page anyway, the tears streaming down my face would make sure of that.


The closed blinds in my home,
See no light or day,

It’s ironic really, the one thing that I ever really wanted in life was to become a vampire and now, as I sit here, looking like one, there is no longer any will inside me to live that life. I don’t think my body has any will at all anymore.

Not since he left me.


Dust gathers on my stereo,
Cause I can't bare to hear the radio,

My existence is so lacking of anything remotely interesting or entertaining anymore. No books, no music, no TV. It seems that everything reminds me of Edward. Every lyric sung, every word read – don’t people write about anything other than heartache these days?

Edward’s POV


The piano sits in a shaded space,
With a picture of your face,

Music had always been my solace, the one thing I could turn to when I was down or bored or in need of a calming influence that wasn’t my brother. I don’t play piano anymore though. Not now that I am alone in the world. Not now that my non-beating heart has been ripped from my body and left behind with a certain mesmerizing human.

I can’t stand being without her, without my Bella.

And she doesn’t even know it.

I'm scared to face another day,
Coz' the fear in me just won't go away,
In an instant,
You were gone,
And now I'm scared.....

It’s hard, too hard. It shouldn’t be though, and I know that. I’m afraid of what I’m missing out on, by not knowing if Bella is safe I can’t save her if she isn’t.

Coffee stains on your
favourite book,
Remind me of you so I can't take a look,

I remember the day when I went out and bought copies of Bella’s favourite books for myself so I could read them when we were apart and remember her. Not that I had ever planned for us to be separated. I had crept up on her and placed them on the table while she was reading. I scared her so much that she jumped and spilled her drink all over my purchases. I didn’t mind though. It would remind me of that moment forever.

I let myself smile for a bit at the thought. It probably didn’t look like a smile to anyone who happened to see me; I hadn’t smiled for so long.

Not since I left her.


The magazines you left on the floor,
You won't need them anymore,

Bella was devastated when she realized she wouldn’t get to say goodbye to the family – especially Alice, I could tell. But at least she wouldn’t be forced to look through all of the fashion magazines Alice insisted on making Bella chose outfits from. They always ended up scattered on her floor, buried by clothes anyway.

Bella’s POV


A towel left hanging on the wall,
No sign of wet footsteps in the hall,

I felt no need to rush anywhere with Edward gone. I didn’t rush to the bathroom in the morning, didn’t rush to the door as soon as Charlie had left for work, didn’t rush to my bedroom after dinner.

I remember the time when I used to speed through everything except my showers. Nowadays, I never left dripping footprints as I crossed from the bathroom to run into Edward’s arms. He wasn’t there. I took so long that I would always be completely dry before I even opened the bathroom door. Charlie started worrying about my wellbeing. I think he expected me to drown myself.


There's no smell of your sweet cologne,
I'm lying here alone,

Sleeping is so hard now. I can’t get comfortable without Edward lying there, holding me in his arms. To not be surrounded by his sweet scent as I fall asleep or listen to my lullaby has taken its toll on my dreams. I scream when I’m sleeping now. I don’t talk anymore.

Not since he left me.

I'm scared to face another day,
Coz' the fear in me just won't go away,

I know he promised not to forget me but I can’t help thinking that he will. I was just some insignificant human who happened to have appetizing blood. I know he doesn’t love me, he told me himself; doesn’t stop me from hoping.


In an instant,
You were gone,
And now I'm scared.....

Now I don’t have anyone to look after me. No knight in shining armour for Bella. To tell you the truth, I’m scared of what’s out there.


Both


I'm scared to face another day,
Coz' the fear in me just won't go away,
In an instant,
You were gone,
And now I'm scared.....

In an instant you were gone,
I'm scared.....