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When you figure out love is all that matters after all...

Summary:
Songfic from Bella's POV when she is trying to work out her feelings about Edwards leaving and then trying to save him.


Notes:
When you figure out love is all that matters after all. It sure makes everything else seem so small. Just imagine that line through out the entire songfic.


1. SO SMALL

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1208   Review this Chapter

What you got if you ain't got love
the kind that you just want to give away

I was a changed person, since Edward left me. Technically I was me, but not the real me. I was a hollow shell of the person I had once been. Physically I was there, yet mentally and emotionally I was empty. There was nothing left. I had nothing left to lose and I knew it. The nightmares that I faced every night had caused my face to become sallow and I had purple circles under my eyes. I was hideous, something out of a horror movie. I tried to heal myself on my own, this didn’t work. I was haunted by the very memory of him. I tried to find comfort with Jessica and it didn’t work. I tried to find comfort in hearing his voice when I was stupid… it worked for a few moments and then it crashed in on me. I wasn’t sure what else to do, until I trusted my best friend.

I had found some solace in my friend Jacob. I wondered if I could open my heart up to him. Love him, not quite like I had loved Edward. I would never love anyone like I had loved Edward, it was not humanely possible.


It's okay to open up
go ahead and let the light shine through

Jacob was my sun. He had saved me more than once. He had pulled me from my zombie state. He had helped, whether he knew it or not, mend my broken heart. The wound wasn’t as big as it had been, it was slowly repairing itself. It would never return to its original, perfect shape. He had even saved me from drowning, which was something that I wasn’t happy about at first. I had succeeded in the ultimate hallucination, I was able to see his face and hear his voice clearly. Then I was brought back into my own personal Hell, but I did have a bit of light in my best friend.


I know it's hard on a rainy day
you want to shut the world out and just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith

I ran the different scenarios in my head as Jacob drove me home. When we pulled up in the drive I didn’t notice the car in the driveway. I finally saw, and almost missed, the very family I was so desperate to see.


'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand

What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands

I sat in the living room with Alice. My living room and I wasn’t dreaming. I couldn’t believe that she was sitting beside me. It was like my nightmares were over. Well most of my nightmares.

When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
seem so small

The next day I couldn’t believe what Jacob had done. He had definitely crossed the line by answering my phone. Once Alice had seen her vision and told me what had to be done to try to save Edward. I was going to try and save him. I prayed that Charlie would forgive me for leaving… again. This time it was Edward’s life on the line and I couldn’t sit by and watch him die.


It's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time

How were we going to get to Italy? How was I going to get to Italy? What were we going to do once we got there?


it's like a river that’s so wide
it swallows you whole
While you sit around thinking about what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time's flying by
moving so fast
you better make it count 'cause you can't get it back

I did my best to sit still and not think about what I was getting ready to do. The time was racing by. Only a few more hours and if I was lucky I would see him again. Alice was hopeful, I wasn’t. I wasn’t sure that I wouldn’t walk into… Well I wasn’t sure what I would find when I got there. The longer it took for us to reach Volterra the more I worried. Alice tried to make me feel better, it didn’t work. I would never tell her about my fears. What would happen if I arrived and he was…dead. Would I beg for them to kill me too? I knew the answer was…YES! I resolved myself to that plan and tried my best to remember what she had told me to do. I leapt from the car and headed to the clock tower. I could hear the death toll of the clock. Every dong was another nail in his, and my, coffin.

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand

I had come too far to stop now. I had fought through too many months, hours, seconds of heart ache to lose him now. I pushed myself forward, through the crowd. I’ve got to reach him… I can’t lose him. I LOVE HIM! I raced to save him. I had fought too much to lose him now.

“EDWARD!” I cried and cried as I raced to find him.

What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands

I slammed into his body and forced him to realize that I wasn’t dead. We had gone through so much to be lose each other now. All I wanted to do was stand on my tip toes and kiss his hard, cold lips. I wanted to, I needed to feel his frigid closeness to me. I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close to me.

He’s here and I’m standing with him. We’re together.

When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

I love him. He’s all that matters to me. He’s all that will ever matter to me. Nothing else matters. If we die, then we die together. We follow the others into the heart of the castle in Volterra. We stand trial. I watch as Edward suffers under Jane’s power. I cringe as Jane then tries her power on me. I struggle with the thoughts of the others dying as they enter the great room. Every moment was moving really fast. I held on as tight as I could, I didn’t want to lose what I had in my hands at that moment. Every kiss, every hug, every I love you, every touch was flooding my memory.


Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Oh it sure makes everything else
Seem so small

The mountains of our relationship were rocky, sharp and sometimes dangerous. I looked back and realized how hard we had worked to overcome adversity. I finally understood that when you figure out that love is all that matters after all. It makes every trial, lie, hurt, everything that was important before that moment seem so small.